What exactly causes an LDR to end? Is there a common denominator?

[SandyFall]

So after reading the thread regarding if LDRs are worth it and then some others in the breakup forums, I began to wonder if there are certain things that almost guarantee a breakup in a LDR or at least increase the chances. I've heard from some people that you really must be dedicated to your SO in order for it to work out. But then I read some breakup posts where people claim that it was *only* the distance that broke them up. Is that true? Or was there something else lacking in the relationship that would have driven them apart despite the distance?

 

What about the adage "If it's the right person it will work out."? What do people mean by "right?" So if the person is "wrong" then that will end the LDR?

 

I know the length of distance can't be the thing that breaks up an LDR because I've seen people across the globe make it through the LDR while a couple 90 minutes apart can't work it out.

 

So is there a common denominator in the breakups of LDRs that is specific to only LDRs?

[creighton0123]

You'd be amazed at what the absence of touch can do for one's ability to reconcile a problem with a partner.

 

More often than not, breakups while in an LDR make the distance very easy to blame, but the signs and symptoms leading up to the breakup tend to be very similar to breakups with people in a local relationship.

 

What exactly causes an LDR to end? Reunion for a happy ending OR falling out for a bad.

[SandyFall]

More often than not, breakups while in an LDR make the distance very easy to blame, but the signs and symptoms leading up to the breakup tend to be very similar to breakups with people in a local relationship.

I agree with you, but I have a question:

 

Let's say a couple in a relationship have problems X, Y, and Z (jealousy, infidelity, lack of common interests, values, goals, poor communication skills etc. You can pick and choose). They enter a LDR for a few months but end up breaking up due to problem Y or whatever. Do you think there are instances where problem Y would cause a breakup in a LDR but not in a local relationship?

[TheLoneSock]

The 'D' in LDR is the common denominator, ultimately.

[folieadeux]

Alot of the same things that cause local couples to break up are the same for LD ones. It's hard to pinpoint exactly because everyone's situation is different.

 

With that being said, I have seen only the distance get to some couples too. The fact of the matter is if both people aren't able to commit themselves to visits and an eventual end date, then that can be a real dealbreaker too. It really all depends on the individual people involved; there is no common demoninator when there's so many different variables to take into account.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

there's no common denominator and the distance only serves as a catalyst. a catalyst to evaluate if you and your partner match in terms of principles, lifestyle, personality, etc.

 

sometimes, even if it is the right person, there are circumstances or external factors which can cause a breakup. being with the wrong person is surely a good reason to end a relationship -- LDR or not.

[Mei Mei]

Regarding break up factors pertinent to LDR, some people who are more prone to feel the sense of insecurity when physical touching is relatively lacking in a while. A:bunny:nd if there is either a very vague plan or or simply lacking or foreseeable LT plan about the future, there is higher risk of failure for some people in LDR.

[creighton0123]

Of course. Any problem manifest in either a relationship or long distance relationship means two different things. If the problem in a relationship is doubt, a hug can ease doubt. Without the hug, doubt can fester and cause the ultimate demise of a long distance relationship.

 

Still, there are also benefits to an LDR. The challenge, upon success, can foster a very successful relationship.

 

By that I mean a year apart goes a long way in developing what you feel for the person you're seeing. When together, little things that bother people in regular relationships could be laughed off.

 

LDR's have negatives and positives, like all relationships. It really has to be for the right person.

[howcouldInotknow]

Distance is usually not the issue in my opinion. It is lack of communication. When in a LDR communication is key and not discussing needs, or desires, or things that bother you are a major problem. I think going into a LDR people are aware that they will not see each other, touch each other, be intimate as often as a regular couple. Communicating less and less is what usually kills a LDR because its so much easier to ignore a problem when you aren't together all of the time.

[liveforthelaunch]

You have to 100% be committed to it, both people in the relationship. If you're committed, the distance really doesn't get in the way, if that makes any sense. Yes, it absolutely sucks, and it's stressful for both parties to have to leave each other (in my case, me and my boyfriend get really agitated and snappy for a few weeks after I leave him), but as long as you see each other on a fairly consistent basis, make an effort to talk to one another, there's no reason it shouldn't work. My boyfriend lives in England, we met in the summer when I was 17, and being this young I've been to see him three times already, and I'm there for 75 days in the summer, so there's no excuses for people not to be able to make it work if you're that committed. I find though, that jealousy seems to be the cause of most of our arguments, and though it hasn't split us up, it has caused many tiffs. It's only because I feel like with the distance, he's gonna grow apart from me and grow closer to someone else, but it's nothing to do with who he is as a person, because I know he would never cheat, nor would I, it's just my own personal insecurities and past experiences getting in the way.

 

Basically if you have a huge personality flaw, it'll get in the way whether the relationship is long distance or local. Local is certainly easier, there are no doubts about that, but I find with long distance, two people have to be extremely compatible and have so much love for each other to want to be able to attempt a long distance relationship in the first place, and as long as they can cope with the time apart until they can move together or whatever, then there shouldn't be any problems.