appetite4destruction Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 First of all, I would like to start off by saying thank you to all. I can't believe I didn't find LS sooner!! Also, I apologize for the novel you are about to receive. My ex and I have had a strange relationship. We were friends in college for a few months when we both learned that we loved each other (she told she loved me first). Things were going great and we moved into an apartment together on her insistence. I did try to fight back, but she wanted it that way. We were moving quickly, but we both wanted it. RED FLAG, right?! Over this past summer, I was going through some family and legal stuff that turned me rather aloof of things and I was incredibly stressed out. I explained myself to her and she said it was okay and that one day she would lean on me, too. That time shortly came. I was leaving to attend a conference for a week and the night before I left I had a bunch of work to do. My parents would not support me for her or anything else I did. No help from them. I could not spend the night with her before I left and we had a fight as I left. I knew we were going to talk about it. The next day she calls me excited to tell me her grandfather came to our apartment to visit us. I was cordial and busy and talked to him over the phone while I was very busy myself. That week, he passed away in front of her in our apartment. She texted and I immediately dropped everything to come back to comfort her. But I could not find my wallet to pay for the gas to drive back home. I explained it to her. Her mom then told her that I am poor at handling bad situations. She then started to smoke pot, drink, and go out with her friends for motorcycle rides with her friend's ex and his friends. Whatever, I could not do much from where I was. I finally went straight to her house two days later after finding my wallet and she was in shambles. The school year started and she started turning into a bitch. She blew up on me one morning at 5am after I had driven 350 miles all night with her. I was tired. I went to go sleep on the couch and she followed me and kept giving me ****. I broke up with her. I realized my mistake and went crawling back to her the next day with flowers and the whole shabang. I slept on the couch for a week or so when she came to me and insisted that I sleep in the bed with her. I told her no, but eh, that didn't work. We went back to the BF/GF routine. We were broken up, but for the following few weeks she continued to call me her BF to people. Anyway, she was still emotionally unstable and I jumped through hoops to keep her comfortable, happy, and calm. I did everything for her and sacrificed sleep. I worked three jobs that semester and paid for everything and spent quality time with her every night before I did my own work for school after she went to bed. FInally, I graduated and moved out. Things died down for two weeks and I asked her for NC for at least two weeks. She refused and caught me to come visit her for a night because she couldn't stand the thought of not being able to talk to me and that we would talk things out in person. It was a romantic getaway for 3 nights. When I talked to her about our "relationship" she said there is none. We would never be together. So I cordially left and went back home, but not before she said she wanted to be my valentine. It hit me what happened and I figured there was still hope for V-day. I made extravagant plans. Not one word from her even after calling her in the days leading up to Vday. Finally I sent her a series of angry texts for playing with my feelings. We talked for an hour when I cried over the phone to her. Not my first time crying to her. We ended up not doing anything for Vday. I told her she was playing with fire and that it is not cool. She said she wanted to play with fire. I immediately instigated NC. I did however tell her that I would disappear at this point. She didn't care. I took her off my FB and untagged all the pictures of us together. Anyway, a week later I gave her a courtesy call to see how she was doing. I was surprised she answered. It was a short call where she told me she going down to Panama City Beach for spring break with a gf of hers and a bunch of dudes and that she was going to be a slut for a week. Great I thought. I was cordial and told her to have a good time and good luck. A few days later, she texts me asking when I would be in town again. I responded as if I had changed my number. She then said, "when you stop being an idiot, call/txt me so you pick up some of your stuff before I throw it out". Obviously its nothing I can't part with. I never txted her back. A few days later I recieved a text from her friend saying, "hey i know you and so-and-so don't get along but I am really worried about her. she hasn't come to class in two weeks and she's missed a bunch of stuff. do you know where she is?" I didn't bother to respond. I was already crying for two weeks straight. I had cried so much that I was fatigued every night. As the weeks went by, I got random texts from mutual lady friends of ours about my whereabouts. I didn't respond to any as I figured they're fishing around for her. Its been more than a month of NC. She is posting pictures of her partying on FB (my friends tell me and that I'm not missing anything). I have had limited FB activity myself. I posted a comment on one of our mutual friends pages simply saying, "what up, man". My gf "liked" my comment. Odd I thought, its not something profound or inspiring. My friend posted back and then I posted back. She "liked" my post. Odd again. Anyway, I am wondering what is going on. I miss her and love her but I can't put up with her bull**** being mean to me. There's a lot I left out about her being an uber cunt to me for most of the final 3 months that we had contact. Why hasn't she deleted my pics from her FB? Why is she leaving these tiny crumbs on FB? Why is this torture happening? I'm not posting anythign about me going out with a bunch of women and getting sloshed and telling the world about it on FB. I'm trying to be cordial and respectful. A few nights ago, another chick FB's me to ask me if I will be in our college town this Friday. There's a kegger at my buddy's house. Of course I said. She signed off. Wtf? I don't want to play games and I'm trying to stay out of it, but this **** is ****in with my head! Sorry about the profanity. I'm already struggling to find a job post-grad and dealing with all my other family stuff. Btw, I don't do drugs and she said she doesn't either. But now, its a routine for her from what I have heard. I don't want to have anything to do with someone who does drugs, though I love them and care for them. I miss her very much. Not an hour of a day goes by without a thought of her. I hate what women can do to men. I will keep NC until I have moved on and healed which seems very far away right now or until she says she want me back. That does not mean I will go back to her. I'm just thinking about what games will she come up with next? Any thoughts?
Fufu Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 It no longer matters what she does anymore, even if she didn't delete your pictures in her Facebook. Just to share a part of my previous relationship. After 2 months of broke up, my ex bf still kept my pictures in his facebook and did not delete it, I still thought he's playing games with me and he's confusing me with his actions, maybe he still wants me. At the end of the day, I wasted so much brain energy on thinking what he's doing and feeling. After that, I did NC. STRICT NC. The purpose of NC is not just Not Contacting your exes, you also have to stop thinking what they are thinking, doing, feeling. All these no longer matter to you. You have to focus on yourself only. "I hate what women can do to men. I will keep NC until I have moved on and healed which seems very far away right now or until she says she want me back. That does not mean I will go back to her. I'm just thinking about what games will she come up with next? Any thoughts?" The good thing is not all women do this kind of mind games to men. And whatever games she's coming up, you don't have to care and mind anymore. Because the thing is no body will know what she will do next, instead of trying to figure out what she's going to do next, how about spend sometime self-reflecting on what you should do next to be happy. Keep up to your NC, 1 month is a great achievement.
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