lcfc1993 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Just caught bus home from college and my ex's best mate was talking loudly about how my ex is meeting a guy, 6 weeks after we broke up, we were together a year. I am absolutely devastated, what do I do:(
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Nothing you really can do. Continue to try and heal. Move on. I know it hurts and it's going to hurt, but you can't expect every girl you date to go into a convent after you break up. However, if she's meeting up with a guy just six weeks after your break up tells me alot about this girl. Maybe she wasn't as serious about you as you were to her. As far as your Ex friend is concerned, he was just trying to get your goat, and if you responded in any fashion he won. He got off on watching you "squirm" Not worth your time or effort. Walk with your head held high!!! Never let them see your pain and take time for yourself to heal; avoid situations like that one. Believe me, it will get better. Post here when you want to vent or talk. I does help because the people here understand the pain that you're in.
poorguy Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 You must be new here. That's usually the first question people post when they come here, or at least something similiar to that. Welcome to LS. Start reading about NC, which is refered to as NC. Read Cali's Guide to NC. So basically that's what you do to start and kinda take it from there. So you know all girls typically start chatting guys up or what not after a breakup. It's normal
Author lcfc1993 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 I loved this girl so much, I gave her everything I could, all my time, treated her like a princess. In return, I got violence, abuse and a controlling woman. I was there whenever she needed me, and now when I need her shes not even there for me. I'm already in NC, we've not spoken for about 4 weeks now. I just feel like crap basically, and I hate it.
appetite4destruction Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I totally hear ya man. Ive been on a scenic tour of hell in the last few weeks and back. It's a ploy. Women do strange things man. I learned to cut emotion out of it and let her be immature. She wants to get a rise out of you. don't let her win. if anything, you should be going out and having fun with your buddies. Find a hobby, find some women, try to read the posts here on LS. They really helped me. I wish I found LS when I was in your shoes. I made some mistakes, but whatever. You can always move forward. Forward Together. Forward. We will always remember.
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Okay, re-read what you just wrote and leave your feelings out of it. She was violent and abusive. NO ONE, man or woman, needs to be in a relationship where they are being abused. So, she did you a big favor. You should feel sorry for this guy she's gonna meet up with. And I'm gonna let you in on a little secret....there are more women out there that knows how to treat a guy the right way. That will love and RESPECT the guy that they're with. I truely believe this next statement, there is a girl out there for you, that will love you and will want to spend the rest of their life with you and is totally gonna knock your socks off. She's waiting for you to find her.
Author lcfc1993 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 I just want to tell her how much I hate her and why her and her friends have to make constantly horrible comments about me. But I also do not want to break NC. How could she have moved on this quick though? I was fine up until I heard this
Fufu Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Maintain your NC, don't lose your mind over something she's going to do. It no longer matters to you. Be glad you are not with her anymore, welcome your new life and look forward to new things in life. "I loved this girl so much, I gave her everything I could, all my time, treated her like a princess. In return, I got violence, abuse and a controlling woman." Read what you said over and over again. Why on earth you want to love and treat her well when she does not reciprocate your true feelings to her and she even mis-treat you. Is this what you really want in your relationship? Is this how you want to be treated? It's okay to feel like crap, most of us (or in fact all of us) been through the crappy stage. The good thing, crap stage does get over. Keep up to your NC You are doing great.
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Because if she can't use you as a punching bag and least she knows she can tear at your heart from a distance. You KNOW her friends are telling her that they saw you and told her what they were saying what they said out loud! And, you know she asked how you responded... It would be nice for you if they report back that you acted like you could really give a damn.
Author lcfc1993 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 I acted like a didn't give a damn, even though it really hurt me. A girl friend has said to my ex to please stop the pathetic and immature behaviour, to which my ex replied, "he shouldnt have been eavesdropping". I told my girl friend, to then inform her that I'd like to stop all this immature behaviour and if she wanted to discuss it, she could meet me for 5 minutes tomorrow and we'd discuss it. My ex then replied "why? whats the point, he can't accept the fact i'm moving on" and she then proceeded to bitch. It all smells like bitterness to me, and I really do know she misses me and can't accept the fact I'm sorta moving on myself. Its like she doesn't want me, but she doesn't want me to move on, she wants me to be her dog. I'm tempted to go on a friends FB just to tell her to stop acting immature and grow up, but that would break my NC, possibly more so than I already have tonight by using my girl mate to chat to her.
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Yep! You need to have that stuff stopped completely. ALSO, delete her as a friend and all her friends from your Facebook profile!!! Or else I will guarantee, she will start posting how wonderful her date was and was a need change, so much better than what she's used to. He knows how to treat a girl. Then the pics of her with guys going up..blah...blah.... Going NC does include social networking as well...
Author lcfc1993 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Shes been blocked off FB for a long time mate don't worry. I haven't spoken to her for about 4/5 weeks. I find it funny how she always mentions how much shes moved on and that to my girl friends and how shes happy, but in reality I know for a fact shes missing me big time, why wouldn't she, she treated me like crap and I treated her like a princess. BTW posting here definitely helps, keep up the good work guys.
Author lcfc1993 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Was at a celebratory thing today because India won the cricket, (my mates went so I decided to go as well) And guess who was there, my ex, with some guy!
Author lcfc1993 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Now found out she has also made druken passes at a friend of mine in a club and tried to take his shirt off. Dirty whore? Anybody else agree?
carhill Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 1. Request that your friends cease and desist from talking about your ex in any way 2. Remove all contact means, even if it means changing your own. This includes social networking sites 3. Spend quality time with your mates and focus on your studies 4. Do this for three months, then allow yourself to be emotionally open to the existence of your ex and examine how you feel about it. Every time you post another anecdote about your ex, you delay your healing. You've made one more emotional memory which has to be resolved or erased. Those are the longest-lived and most difficult of memories to process. The fewer the better, wrt this dynamic. Good luck
Author lcfc1993 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Cheers mate, they don't really speak about her anymore. I've blocked all contact means possible. I'm spending time with them every weekend mate. I've been doing it for almost 2 months now, its just annoying how she makes passes at people I know and trust, my old friends as well. I feel like shes trying to get at me in any way possible.
carhill Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 How do you know what she's doing? I ask because, absent direct communication, primarily to negotiate our marital property settlement, I had no idea what my exW was doing during the two years we were separated prior to divorce. I certainly have no idea what she's doing now, which matches up well with my not caring. The few incidents I have reported here on LS were from direct observation, like when I brought property to her house, etc. Identify the means of disclosure and terminate it/them. Erase her. It works.
Author lcfc1993 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Usually because she talks really loudly about it infront of me, or her mates do. I think they do it on purpose. Or they'll do something so I know about it, one way or another. Shes so immature.
Fufu Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 lcfc1993, I 100% agree with what carhill said. Do walk away.
Author lcfc1993 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I have. Thanks for the advice people. I shall be updating when she does more childish things.
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