lemonia Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hi, My husband and I have been together for 5 years and besides the regular things that can put a grind in a relationship, like work and finances, I thought we had a good connection. I found in his email some chats with and ex girlfriend that lives in Europe now and is married with children. I don't know what made me read the chats but, I did. They were catching up and chatting about the time they were in university together. What bothered me was the things my husband was expressing to her. He told her that he never connected with anyone in his whole life the way he did with her. He also told her that until today he bangs his head on the wall until today he bangs his head on the wall, knowing he let her go. He mentioned me and that we are "well" together. I confronted him with all this because it was too painful to keep in. At first he thought it was nothing and harmless, but then he realized that he did damage to us by doing this and is sorry. The point is, I don't trust him now and think that he is going around expressing feelings to other women. What do I do? I know he is sorry, but this damaged our level of trust. Is it right for one spouse to find an ex and to express words of love and regret while he is married? How do I get over this? Thanks
Dlyrica Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Wow, thats tough huh? I'm sorry you had to find that. Had ya'll gotten in a fight or altercation recently? because my SO and I had something similar happen to us recently. My SO had to go to work and I slept in at his house because it was the weekend. When I got up, I got on facebook, and I guess he hadn't signed off his because it automatically was on his homepage. I was going to sign off, but you know the facebook chat thing? Well my SO was signed on at his workplace and was actively having a conversation that I could view in real time. I know I shouldn't have, but I watched the entire convo between him and a former flame of his. It was extremely hurtful because they were flirting and even joking about what cute kids they would have (!) Anyways, I confronted him about it later that day and it was extremely awkward but he said he did it because he was feeling down on himself due to a fight we had and talking to her had given him an ego boost. I chose to believe him because he seemed genuinely sorry and I kinda understood why he would do that after feeling down on himself. I'm sorry if that isn't much help but I can sort of relate.
yessy21 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Im sorry that this has happened. I dont think what he did is right. The trust between u two will never be the same. its like he was telling her that she was better than u and ur not good enough. I think u need some time to think. Do u want to spend the rest of ur life with a man that is chatting with his exgf telling her that he regrets? I dont think its fair for u. that means that he doesnt really feel for u in the deep level. Dont be suprised if he tries to go see her one day.
Spark1111 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hi, My husband and I have been together for 5 years and besides the regular things that can put a grind in a relationship, like work and finances, I thought we had a good connection. I found in his email some chats with and ex girlfriend that lives in Europe now and is married with children. I don't know what made me read the chats but, I did. They were catching up and chatting about the time they were in university together. What bothered me was the things my husband was expressing to her. He told her that he never connected with anyone in his whole life the way he did with her. He also told her that until today he bangs his head on the wall until today he bangs his head on the wall, knowing he let her go. He mentioned me and that we are "well" together. I confronted him with all this because it was too painful to keep in. At first he thought it was nothing and harmless, but then he realized that he did damage to us by doing this and is sorry. The point is, I don't trust him now and think that he is going around expressing feelings to other women. What do I do? I know he is sorry, but this damaged our level of trust. Is it right for one spouse to find an ex and to express words of love and regret while he is married? How do I get over this? Thanks Uh, no, it is totally inappropriate to disparage one's marriage or speak longingly to old boyfriends or girlfriends. how would he feel to discover you had written those words to an old boyfriend? It is opening a door that should be slammed shut, unless single. Time for MC to discuss why he did it, what he is unhappy with, and how you are so mistrustful of him now. It is time to lay it on the line: If you are unhappy with me, with us, there is the door. If you want to see IF we can work this out, the MC appointment is.....(fill in the blank).
Eeyore79 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I agree with Spark - what your husband did was totally inappropriate. There are respectful boundaries that should be maintained in a marriage, and not flirting with exes is one of them. He was clearly saying to her that he regretted losing her, which means he sees you as second best, because you don't have regrets if you ended up with the one you truly love. I have exes who I cared about at the time, but I love my partner and would never express regret that I'm with him rather than someone else. I second the recommendation for marriage counseling.
Frank13 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 [quote=lemonia;3319632 At first he thought it was nothing and harmless, but then he realized that he did damage to us by doing this and is sorry. Total BS. He isn't sorry. Sorry he got caught. Why do people for for this BS. Sorry is when you accidently bump into someone because you didn't see them. Time to move on.
desertIslandCactus Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 NO married woman should be put in this position. I would free myself of the hurt.. But that's just me.
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