MissMoni Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) Hi all...another question again, bear with me:confused: 5 months after my breakup, I am still concerned with what my ex thinks of me. I don't want him to "hate" me. He has said that he doesn't hold a grudge against me, he texted me happy birthday last week, and always answers when I call (which has been twice). He also told me that if I ever need to talk, his "phone will always be on" (weird wording, no?) Anyway We are now NC for a month now and I'm not expecting him to reach out or anything since I told him I needed space but I still actively wonder about what he thinks of me, and why if he actually did care he would make such an effort to avoid contact (he only answered my texts after the breakup once in a while, although he would answer the phone, as I said before). It makes me wonder if he does in fact hate me. I know I won't ever KNOW he hates me unless he comes out and tells me himself but my question is, how do I completely let go of his need for approval? In our relationship I constantly tried to make him happy, which he said he didn't like because he felt like I was compromising my "true self". But nothing I ever did was good enough, he constantly compared me to his friends, and I started feeling worthless both physically and emotionally. Now I am afraid the kick to my self-esteem won't go away...it's been 5 months, and I still lit up over a "Happy Birthday" text...I know I can't tie my self worth to him, but I do and I want to stop!!! I am 22 and I don't feel pretty, smart, successful or any of those things. Healways is talking about how his female friends are these things and it makes me angry that he can see these things in people who are in some cases do the exact same things I do...for example, he can be happy that his friends are getting job interviews and cheer them on, but when he found out I was getting job interviews, didn't even congratulate me at all. Edited March 31, 2011 by MissMoni
Fufu Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) Put down the feelings of "I am still concerned with what my ex thinks of me" Why would you want him to know about your feelings when he doesn't want you in his life? He already doesn't really think of you much, if he had, he would have reach out to you, make the INITIATION to contact you, do SINCERE actions to get you back. I know I can't tie my self worth to him, but I do and I want to stop!!! :mad:" You had said it to yourself you can't tie your self worth to him, so start doing things that will NOT put your self worth to him. What do you need to do? First of all, stop analyzing, thinking, wondering what he thinks of you, it no longer matters and you will only get more confused and nothing else. Would you like to live in a confusing state of mind for the rest of your life? "I am 22 and I don't feel pretty, smart, successful or any of those things." This is a negative thinking to yourself. You are not ugly, you are smart and I believe you have great success achievements. Once you look down on yourself, you lose your self worth. Always be positive to yourself, you wouldn't want a man to feed you self confidence. You give yourself confidence and you can do it when you start to change the way you feel and think of yourself. Does it even matter he never congratulate you about your new job? Congratulations on getting a new job What matters most you are happy and feel proud of yourself. If he really really really treats you important, hold you important in his heart, he wouldn't have let go of you in the first place. Therefore, does getting a congratulations message from him that important to you? Seek NC, Remain NC and Stick to it. You can do it when you put your mind and heart into it. Edited March 31, 2011 by Fufu
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