madwolfie Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Don't even know when to start but let's start with a little fill-in on the background... We met in 2009 in a bus. I was reading a guide book on India and he got up a couple of stops later and happened to sit right next to me. After a while, he struck up a conversation, asking if I was going on a trip to India... ended up exchanging emails as he coincidentally happens to be working in India... So we kept up with corresponding via emails. Turns out he is working in South of India and I was actually going to the North. So he said he'll do something crazy and visit me just for the evening (take flight after work, meet me and then take the next early morning flight back to work) Which he did and we did have a very romantic evening... really memorable In honest truth, I would have thought after that and the fun we had, it would just fade away. It surprised me when he kept up with the communication. So it carried on, emails almost daily (we give ourselves a break on weekends) and 3-4 times a week on phone It wasn't at all easy as communication and mentality between us were rather different. There were quite some misunderstandings, especially between the European culture and Asian culture. Fortunately he spoke good English, however the usage and ways of expressing it is very different Through the good and bad, we are still very much in communication (either via email or phone/daily) I have learnt not to ask questions anymore. He has also admit that he has a very contradicting mindset and to let him sort out his thinking. But as a woman, it is very difficult not to have questions... *sighs* So in 2010 - he came by twice. This year, I went in Jan and he came in Mid March and again next weekend. One out of two times, he is on business but he will spend time with me right after work Though I am happy with what it is going on right now, I really don't know if there is anything in potential. I am not thinking of marraige but I would like to have a partner, which will involve commitment. I think he is not ready to be commited especially in a LDR He is trying to get a work transfer to my country but it isn't exactly easy right now. He probably only wants to commit when he is sure and possibly not in a LDR I understand that but I will not be able to bear with the pain if he meets someone. I am thinking of just telling him to find someone new... is that even remotely crazy?
folieadeux Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I'm confused. Have you established officially what you are to each other yet? From what you posted, it sounds like you're already in a relationship with him...and a serious one at that. You both have good communication and equally make the effort to visit one another. And he's trying to get a job transfer just so he can be closer to you! Am I missing something here? I think you just need to relax and enjoy...sounds like everything's going great and that he has zero intentions of meeting someone else.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 oh the talks of exclusivity. i think you should ask him if you guys are exclusive or not. it's a good thing that he is looking into transferring work so he could move closer to you. until exclusivity status has been established, it would be safe to assume that both of you can freely date anyone. my fiance asked me before, before we even met in person, what would i feel if he meets someone and sort of wanna date her. i told him he can do whatever he wants since we are not in an exclusive relationship yet though i have to admit that i like him and wanna date him, LDR is complicated...is all. he said he didn't wanna hurt me or anything so he is asking me. i told him there's no easy answer since i would get hurt anyway -- knowing that he is dating or finding it out later on. but it's my issue to deal with that hurt. it is his own right to date. he 'fessed up later on that he did that to test waters on how i feel about him...bastard
Author madwolfie Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks all Just back from HKG and only reading your replies now @folieadeux: hahaha honestly I have no idea, the last time I did ask, he just went along with it and about a week later, he got cold feet (last December) and went MIA on me. He later apologised for this act which wasn't very fair to me but he didn't know how to break it to me that he likes me but not enough for a long distance relationship. As I am weak and like him too much, I stayed friends with him, despite my friends suggestions. Telling me if he really liked me enough, he'd know better not to have hurt me by just doing a disappearing act and left me worried and hurt. So, we continued our correspondant and one month later, he asked if I was in a more positive mode, and my reply to him was " Positive mood, will be strong :-) Things in life are never definite :-) His reply:"Yes bebe I understand what you mean and I want to tell you i won't let you down and do my best to sort out my contrasted personnality..." He is one person who cannot be pushed and I really don't know what else to do anymore. I never thought it'd go this far and when I decided to jump into a relationship, I got a slap across my face. haha, so you tell me should I even asked any questions ever again or just end on a high note? ... sigh ...
Author madwolfie Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 @TokyoG33kyGal: Well, the move to my country is for his own good as well I did asked him if I were to go out with another guy, how would he feel... he said he'd be jealous but if that is what makes me happy then he'd wish me the best as he just wants me to be happy... He doesn't want to be in a relationship just to make me happy but want me to be happy. He is afraid that he is unable to give me what I want. Even though I have told him many a times that relationships are never stable. Honestly, I am confused by what or how he really feels... he is a very sweet and nice person and I really like him but he needs to be clear of what he wants and how he feels about this whole relationship... which is why the thought of calling it off came about...
folieadeux Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Well if he already told you that he didn't like you enough to do an LDR with, then you have your answer right there.
Feelin Frisky Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 FWIW LSD never got me disillusioned or paranoid.
Author madwolfie Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 you're right, am just in denial... bah
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