Lees Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 So my sitch is as follows 8 months of the perfect relationship. Ticked all the boxes, just fantastic in every way. Honeymoon period I figure. Moved in to her house unexpectedly due to a large water burst at my house which rendered it totally uninhabitable and a landlord that wouldn't give alternative accomodation, at about 4 months into our time together. We both agreed it wasn't ideal but seemed the best of a bad situation. We cohabit really, really well as it turns out. 5 weeks ago it was like a light went out in my gf eyes. We'd just had a fantastic break away at the Ice Hotel, couldn't be more in love. We'd just unpacked the last of my belongings into the house and made room for them by throwing out some of hers on our return. Suddenly about a week after we were back from there and about to go on a weekend away she stopped saying I love you, sex became non existent and I felt bottom of her priority list. I suffered it 2 wks before saying anything. When I did speak up it seems she hadn't noticed anything different. A week later she said she'd thought hard about what I said and she didn't feel any spark anymore, and is no longer in love with me. Her head is screaming that we are the best thing on paper, but her heart is no longer in it. She agreed to try and work on it, but the effort seems to have been rather lacking in terms of improving her behaviour. She offers no explanation as to why this happened. I've wracked my brains, as has she, and we can't figure any reason. We're still getting on great, but only in a "friends that share a bed for a cuddle" manner. We broke up last night properly. We both agreed that having 9/10 boxes ticked is great but we both want 10/10. I think it can be remedied if she puts in the effort. She doesn't see how or why she can change a feeling. She feels that 10/10 should be all the time, whereas I think that relationships ebb and flow, and sometimes 9/10 is there, and sometimes 10/10 is there. You have to just weather the storm. I love her dearly. I can't forget her saying "cheers to the next 50 yrs" when we moved in together. She's told me time and again that we would grow old together, raise kids together and that this was the real deal. She obviously cares for me deeply still. We are still sharing a house - it will take me some time to get my stuff together and find a rental house again and move (I have a whole house worth of stuff myself and it has all totally been integrated with hers so will take both of us to go through the place and sort it out). I am doing this as fast as I can, but have to fit it around working a 50hr week of shifts. We still get on well as friends in the house so far. I slept in the spare room last night. She seems very keen that I don't rush away and there is no pressure to move out, she doesn't want any rent. She asked me to sleep in her bed last night, which I didn't, except for a bit of a talk this morning when I laid outside the covers in dressing gown with her inside the duvet. She is clear that it is over. I asked if she would attend relationship counselling just to find out some answers as to why a great relationship went out like a light. She wasn't keen. How can I fix this? My social life is currently limited by study for professional exams, and I have resolved to work harder than ever at this. I'm having a haircut and attempting to "get a life" within the time limits of my work and revision. How can I do NC whilst living in the same house? How can I win her back?
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 She's seeing someone else. If women don't want NC it's because they don't want to be open. generally, omen are far more open and eager to articulate and vocalise their issues, and will normally jump at the chance to go to counselling - unless they have a secret or issue up their sleve they'd rather not bring to the table.
Author Lees Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Don't think she's seeing anyone else. She doesn't have any time at the moment (I know her work schedules), and there are no signs of any such behaviour. Besides, there aren't really any opportunities for that in this small town. None of her work colleagues would fit the bill, (all women apart from a couple of much older men she hates) and she doesn't have any other new hobbies or acquaintences. Her friends are her work colleagues and I know them all well. I've already got a divorce under my belt after spotting an affair. This is not the same.
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Ok. But women don't just switch off like that. We just don't. Either something has secretly been festering for a while, and she's just become too assed to hide it any more - or there's someone else. But you'd know best.....
Author Lees Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 That's the bit I most don't understand about this situation. She was genuinely shocked when I told her about her behaviour the first time. She had no idea anything was wrong. I find that odd. Since then she has done lots of "thinking" and we have done lots of "talking" and I'm pretty convinced she just hasn't figured out why she lost the spark for me. She identifies the first occurence of trouble at the same time as me after looking back at how things had been the last 2 months. She doesn't recall any downward drift - which at least I could understand as a reason for ending the relationship.
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