she contacts after 1 week NC...but the turn of events are puzzling me ;-(

[arnabsuave]

well i broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years 2 months back...post breakup i did all the wrong stuff like begging,pleading,crying but to no avail as usual...she was the dumper and the reason stated were i was overpossessive and she had family pressure..i was shocked as hell

 

after 1 week of NC she has again started calling me but there are certain exponents of her behavior which i just cant figure out...i'm putting through the highlights of our conversation after she started calling...

 

day 0 :she texts "you are the best person i have seen...i respect you a lot..my gratitude towards you is immense,still thanks for everything"

3 days later...

day 1:she "why dont you call me these days?"

me "just have been a bit busy of late"

 

day 2:she "may i ask you something?"

me "what?"

she "have you made a new gf???i dreamt something similar last night??? hey,have you?"

me "no.."

 

day 3:she "do you still love me?"

me "doesnt matter"

she "oh.."

day 3(2 hrs later):she "if we wish to get back together in the future...will u conme back?"

after she started insisting on knowing a concrete reply,i said "probably yes"..

 

day 4: she "you were the most important part of my life,the thing i was afraid to lose most and i did just that...i have lost everything,your care,your love,ur protectiveness"

 

we are stil having conversations but i have made it clear to her that we cant be friends...still she calls me everyday and wants me to do the same,may be friendzone me...

 

so what should i do now???what is she thinking????by the way all the calls were made by her....

[Fufu]

Have you asked her this ultimatum question?

 

"Do you want to work things out now? "Do you want our relationship to become better and better?"

 

She may be doing this to you now, however in her mind, she doesn't want to be with you now.

 

it seems to me that she's making you a fall back plan if any of her future relationships doesn't work out. Don't become a doormat.

 

You want to be actively chosen, and not settled for.

 

You may wish to think carefully whether is it even worth to ask her the ultimatum questions or keep up to your No Contact.

[arnabsuave]

Have you asked her this ultimatum question?

 

"Do you want to work things out now? "Do you want our relationship to become better and better?"

 

She may be doing this to you now, however in her mind, she doesn't want to be with you now.

 

it seems to me that she's making you a fall back plan if any of her future relationships doesn't work out. Don't become a doormat.

 

You want to be actively chosen, and not settled for.

 

You may wish to think carefully whether is it even worth to ask her the ultimatum questions or keep up to your No Contact.

 

 

well after we restarted having conversations i havent asked her any question about a possible reconcilation,but she expects me to care for her like i used to,may be doormat me...just tried to play it cool,though many times i faltered...

 

also the problem is NC is supposedly like "don't be the first one to initiate contact"...but in my case she is trying to contact me time and again..

 

sometimes she even talks about other guys in her university and how they show interest in her...i try to act indifferent but it's damn hurting...

 

i mean what are the possible signs that she might throw up by which i can assume that she is using me as a safety net???

[Fufu]

She expects you to take care of her for life but she's never say anything she wants to be with you and work out what broke this relationship with you?

 

Don't you find this is fishy? Unless you don't mind being being fishes getting caught in the net.

 

NC is more than just not contacting your ex.

 

NC is:

 

- Do not initiate any contacts with your exes

 

- Do not reply or response to any of your exes' messages of the followings

- I still want to be your friend

- I miss you .......... but we can't be together

- I still love you and have deep feelings for you........ but we can't be together

- why you never message me?

- Why are you ignoring me?

- let me tell you what happen to me today, bla bla bla bla bla......

 

- Stop thinking what she's feeling, thinking and doing because they no longer matter to you.

(if she did think of your feelings, she wouldn't drop you for real in the first place.)

 

It does hurt to be let down by our exes, however you will much prefer to be feeling hurt now than to feel hurt for a LONG LONG LONG period of time figuring out what she's trying to do to you.

 

Maintain your NC, everyday you get better. Every roller coaster moods you sit through, you become stronger.

Edited March 31, 2011 by Fufu