Wogs11 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 My ex boyfriend of 2 years left me for another girl 2 months ago. They were officially in a relationship 2 weeks after he left me, 2 weeks after that he was texting me asking if I would ever take him back and saying he still loved me, and 2 weeks after that - He proposed the the new girlfriend (who has been his friend for 2 years but never knew anything about me) and they are now engaged and getting married in 4 months. Before he left me he cheated on me with the new girl and some other random girl and he left his previous girlfriend to be with me. Do you think this new marriage will work out? Or is it just another rebound? He's not a very nice person - he's the kind that is insecure and tends to prey on the vunerable so he can mould and manipulate them to what he wants... I just cant believe that he gets away happy once again after putting someone through so much pain.
fleur_de_me Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 My personal opinion on people who cheat multiple times is that they are not going to ever be completely monogamous. This relationship has disaster written all over it. He clearly doesn't know what he wants, and rushing into a marriage is asking for drama. I wouldn't sit around and wait for this fool, personally, but there is at least satisfaction to be had when eventually he cheats on this girl (or leaves her for someone else). Shame he's like that, I'm sure he leaves a lot of broken hearts in his wake. Find someone better, I know it hurts, but you don't need someone like that, you really can't trust them.
Fufu Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 fleur_de_me: Being let down by someone can be hurting. However, letting yourself down will be the most hurting thing to do. You don't have to care whether he's happy or not anymore. It's time to care for yourself now and to be happy. I hope you have started NC
Thatguyintx Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Wogs, You dodged a bullet here. His situation has the makings of a huge train wreck. Thank God you are out of a relationship with him. You deserve a healthy partner, not an a@@ like him. Now, what are you doing to heal you?
FlorinP Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Plz help me : http://helpmegetmarried.blogspot.com/
Author Wogs11 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Thank you all for your comments. I cant help but hope that this relationship of theirs fails ... I guess Im still just angry and hurt over it. Im trying very hard to move on. I done NC for 5 weeks now so I am quite proud of that. But I am scared that in a moment of weekness I might cave and contact him or reply to him. I've taken some steps that I think will help heal me. I do online councelling and also see a councellor every 2 weeks. I have a wonderful support group at home which is great. Also these forums are amazing. And then just the little things like doing what I enjoy and doing things for me for a change. I hope things start to get better soon! Xx
Rose T Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Wogs, You dodged a bullet here. His situation has the makings of a huge train wreck. Thank God you are out of a relationship with him. You deserve a healthy partner, not an a@@ like him. Now, what are you doing to heal you? Wogs11, I think your reading of the situation is right and that his apparent happiness won't last, as ThatGuy says. Even if he knew the girl as a friend before, I don't think 4 months is long enough to decide you want to marry someone. So if that thought helps you, try and find peace with the fact that he wouldn't have been a good long term partner for you. Now what Fufu is saying is right on the money however, I obsessed over my cheating ex when he went to be with the OW for so long, it was as if my judging him and convincing myself of his misery could make my own pain go away. It took a therapist to show me that my focus was all wrong. The big project here is you: you're the one you have to look closely at now and work on, in the nicest possible way. There were some red flags with your ex (he left someone else to be with you) and this might be a MO you want to avoid in future. You might also want to really dig into why losing this man hurts so much, as you seem clear on the issue that he really isn't a good person to be around. It's time to not only break your own cycles of behaviour but also to ENJOY yourself, make new friends, male ones too, and broaden your circle of acquaintances to explore your own passions, but also to remind yourself what healthy relationships look like. They're all around and can hopefully inspire you and help clarify what you really want from a future partner. I know it hurts, but you will only be healed when you are at peace with the fact that this man wasn't right for you and someone better will come along, so please try and focus on this happy ending.
Graceful Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I know it hurts. The main thing is what a total disappointment he's turned out to be, isn't it? Just not the guy you thought he was, or the guy you used to know. Huge disappointment and a huge shock to the system. It's like he was wearing a mask for a couple of years, and now he's taken it off and revealed his true colors. What's been under that mask is pretty ugly if you ask me. But the truth is that what you wrote reads like a cheesy soap opera, and we all know how those end. I just cant believe that he gets away happy once again after putting someone through so much pain. He's getting away with something? Really? He's happy? How do you know that he's happy? He's heading right into a train wreck. So what's he getting away with? Mentally dump his sorry a$$, the sooner the better.
betterdeal Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Disown the pain and harm he's given you. To do that you need to disown the care and love you gave him. It's okay, there's plenty more where that came from, so you won't miss it. You gave him something good as a gift. He gave you something bad in return. Put it in a bag, put the bag out on the street with the rest of the waste. Delete his phone number; change yours; block all forms of contact - MySpace, FaceBook, Email. Now you have time to fill yourself with your own love instead of giving it to him. Make sure you don't waste a single drop of it on him any more.
Fufu Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Thank you all for your comments. I cant help but hope that this relationship of theirs fails ... I guess Im still just angry and hurt over it. Im trying very hard to move on. I done NC for 5 weeks now so I am quite proud of that. But I am scared that in a moment of weekness I might cave and contact him or reply to him. I've taken some steps that I think will help heal me. I do online councelling and also see a councellor every 2 weeks. I have a wonderful support group at home which is great. Also these forums are amazing. And then just the little things like doing what I enjoy and doing things for me for a change. I hope things start to get better soon! Xx NC for 5 weeks is a great achievement, keep it up, you are getting stronger and stronger. The stronger you are, the lesser you fear of the weakness. Things always get better, don't worry about it At the meantime, enjoy everything that surrounds you now like your family, friends, or if you keep pets..
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