StandingO Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) I believe that the lack of money and sexual incompatibility are the two biggest reasons why couples fail in long term relatiionships. I am interested in other people’s opinions and experiences. I have a few friends with marriages and relationships ready to fall apart. For my failed marriage it was the lack of sexual compatibility. It is going on with these friends right now. Unfortunately their relationships will fail too. It just seems to kill the relationship when one partner is always the one making the effort. Getting shut down for trying. I think a couple better make sure they are on the same page in bed before they tie the knot. Another big one is an over controlling spouse, jealous of anytime the partner spends with others. Having said that I think number one is lack of money. A man with struggling finances may not be able to save his marriage long term even if he is the worlds best lover. Agree, disagree, other? [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] Edited March 31, 2011 by StandingO
denise_xo Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I believe that the lack of money and sexual incompatibility are the two biggest reasons why couples fail in long term relatiionships. We have struggled with both of these for a while and yes, it's taking its toll.
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 We've struggled with both, and our relationship is getting stronger for it.
blizzard Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 SO I am not sure that I see that sexual incompatibility as really falling into one of the higher causes. But I do agree that financal woes will dissolve a marriage in an instant. I think a major contributor is not being a "unit" in marriage. Not working together to carry the burden of a household or finances (not taking responsibility)...not thinking together (making decisions as a couple). It seems as though there is only one person steering the boat in most marriages. Once the kids come *sigh* a spouse can get worn thin. Another factor is not spending enough time together. Putting your marriage first. Making your marriage a priority.
optimistgirl Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Although I do think that financial problems do rank high as a contributing factor as to why many marriages fail, I don't think it can be simplified to just the two factors that you mentioned. I think it's a combination of factors, ranging from lack of communication, failed expectations, loss of connection, lack of intimacy and failure to meet each other's needs. Unfortunately, by the time people realize or acknowledge there's a problem and seek out counseling, it's too late to fix it unless both people really have their heart set on saving their marriage.
What_Next Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Financial stresses, sexual incompatibility, family tension, an illness or any other number of factors all could contribute to the failure of a marriage. In many cases these factors may contribute to infedility which can then cause the downfall of a marriage. At the heart of the matter though is just as blizzard illicited, a mis-aligned set of priorites. Forgetting to put the marriage FIRST, the union of husband and wife FIRST. It can manifest itself in countless ways, but if each partner in a marriage is aware of the need to put each other and the marriage first then many issues, both large and small can be overcome together.
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 For people who struggle with financial difficulties.. it's definitely no. 1.. but for those whose finances are not a problem it's sex... always.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I'd add 'marrying based on infatuation' to the mix. If there is no solid platonic friendship as a base when the infatuation wears off, you wake up one day and realize that you don't even like your spouse as a person, much less feel yourself 'in love' with them.
Eeyore79 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I think lack of commitment kills a lot of long term relationships. The couple are happy together and get along well, sometimes for a good few years, but one partner doesn't want to marry or have children, and it creates tension because the other partner wants those things. So a perfectly good relationship ends simply because one partner won't commit. One of the reasons I lost interest in my most recent LTR was because my ex-bf said he didn't want to get married or commit to a mortgage and kids in the foreseeable future; I dumped him and went in search of a man who was willing to commit. A different ex-bf also recently split with his latest gf because she wanted him to commit. It's less of an issue with younger couples, but it becomes a pretty big deal once people get into their late twenties/early thirties.
worldgonewrong Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 This litany of reasons aside, I'm a firm believer in the idea that ANY couple can get through ANYthing if they simply commit to being on the same page. Problem is, most people simply give up when the temperature changes and things stop going their way, forgetting that you must not confuse 'needs' with 'wants'.
Happy Finally Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 This litany of reasons aside, I'm a firm believer in the idea that ANY couple can get through ANYthing if they simply commit to being on the same page. Problem is, most people simply give up when the temperature changes and things stop going their way, forgetting that you must not confuse 'needs' with 'wants'. If that isn't the truth. I am dealing with that right now. We both are at fault but I am putting forth an effort and all I ever here is "It will never be the same, why try?" or "I've changed way to much and so have you!!!" What's funny is that I am the same person: like the same things, do the same things, act the same way....but one difference is that we have kids that are older now and their activities take up some time. A female friend of mine told me she probably feels no one needs her an it depresses her because the kids are not pretty much dependent (13,10 and 7) and don't want her help. <went off on a tangent, sorry> I also think getting married young destroys marriages. Everyone I know that has gotten married before 25 is in a failiing marriage or is already divorced, including myself. I was married right after I turned 21 (my wife was also just turned 21).
devilmaycare Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Money for sure can have a lot to do with it, but I agree with the previous posts: if one person feels they are pulling more of the weight, there will be consequences. Whether that comes down to money, sex, or even household chores, the partner carrying the burden will grow resentful and feel unappreciated. The sad thing is, the person with the lighter burden may not feel anything is wrong and may be in a total quandry as to why the marriage is unraveling.
debtman Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Whether the surface issue is finances, sex, time, kids, jobs, etc. the KEY problem, the MAIN thing that will make or break a relationship is HONEST COMMUNICATION. If you can't honestly communicate with your SO and tell them how you REALLY feel (without the fear of being judged or blamed) then the relationship will either fail or suffer along miserably. If you are in a relationship with someone where you don't feel that you can communicate honestly, without worrying about them judging you, blaming you, not supporting you, etc. then you'd better start taking steps to change that before the communication gap widens too much.
SummersEve Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 If I had to say one thing I'd say they're not good fixers. Things keep changing, new situations and problems and desires. So under my theory financial difficulties, sexual incompatibility, demands of kids, boredom, inlaws, illness, endless things will come up through the years, guaranteed. Who makes it is who learns to shimmy through, sometimes you need a radical change, or to eat your pride, or god knows what else. Yep, if you don't learn to fix I don't think it's too likely to make it long term.
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