LostOnLI Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hello Everyone, So here is my story...and I really hope for some input from you. Im 32, my girlfriend is 26. I met a girl about 1.5 years ago. Initially it was just friends with benefits, then she fell for me, it took me another 5-6 months before I left my past behind and committed to her. It was a rocky period in our lives with few setbacks on my part but we made it. As we started dating seriously she was very committed to me. She came over to see me every weekend, cooked, cleaned bought me gifts. She dressed the whole bed with rose petals and prepared a romantic bath for valentines. I have never had anyone do things like that before. She definitely gave it 110%. She made it clear that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, move in and get married. We had two ongoing issues. 1) I was not going over to see her enough. Even thou we saw each other every weekend she expected me to come over during the week. Being that I work over 50 hours a week and go to school, the weekdays would just fly by so I was not able to make one hour commute every week 2) She wanted to move in and I was hesitating with that. She has two kids 2 and 8 and I wanted to finish school before we moved in. So last december she ended up cheating on me. I was devastated. The thing was just a one night stand, a blast from the past. So we patched things up, and decided to try again. Things were good for a little while, but it was just a quiet before the storm. about a month ago she thought she was going to be evicted from her place. Instead of offering that she come stay with me, I offered to help her look for a place and help her with the rent. She was really hurt by that and became resentful. Over the last few weeks she became distant. Last week I found out that she was exchanging text messages with some guy. It was her neigbour's nephew As I dug a little deeper I found out that the guy is 10 years older and married. She was going to the neighbour's house ever day to talk to him on the phone. The guys wife was not in the best shape, and here comes this young delicious looking piece of booty. I am sure he used the moment of weakness in our relationship to whispered everything she needed to hear into her ear. He kept the conversation light and cheerful and helped her "realize" that she needs to leave me... Last weekend my girlfriend told me that she was really devastaded by my response about moving in and she wanted to break up with me. Over the weekend I apologized, made it clear that even thou i was not ready to move in I would not abandon her in a time of need, but it did not matter what I said. She was dead set on breaking up with me. I tried again the follwing day with flowers and a key to my place. I ensured her that I love her, care about her and want to be there for her and the kids...all I heard was too little too late. Maybe some time in the future we will get back together, but right now I need my space. I found out that they planned to meet this morning for breakfast. I did not tell her that I knew, but I tried to intervene by asking her not to do things out of spite or do something that can not be undone...She called me this morning, asked if I was serious about everything I said. I said of course, then she replied, "would you marry me?". I said we would have to move in first, and once we know things are working well we can get married. She said " I heard what I needed to know and hang up" She ended up meeting the guy 2 hours later and ended up in her place for obvious reasons. Of course im hurt, and have a lot of doubts thinking should I have made more time to go see her?, should I have moved in anyways? Did I loose the best thing that happened to me by being indecisive? Then Im thinking that the whole married guy thing was REALLY dirty. I am doubtful we will get back together. The guy intentionally crashed our relationship for something that was nothing more than a piece of ass on the side for him. I am really tempted to tip off his wife.... Please advise... Thank You in advance LostOnLongIsland
tryingtocurerj Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hey, at least you know she's not the one for you now. Be GLAD you didn't move in with her and take this relationship to the next level. Marrying a girl who does something like that would've led to suffering anyways. As far as telling his wife.. That's a tough call.. Pray about it
Aveenolover Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 She sounds like bad news. Possibly sociopath? Manipulating you into doing stuff youre not ready for when she KNOWS youre not ready. Ive been with guys 2+ years (im still pretty young--22) and i knew not to ever force anything upon them. I wouldnt have minded moving in with my last one, and we lightly discussed it, but i would NEVER pressure him into doing something he didnt want to do. It's not right, its not respectful, and it shows a lack of caring. Its cute and all that she did that stuff for you. I do stuff like that for my boyfriends...But i dont cheat on them. Ever. If they dont give me something i want, i wouldnt EVER consider cheating to get back. You deserve better. I honestly dont feel like you did anything wrong by not allowing her to move in. You KNEW you werent ready. you told her you werent ready. She didnt listen and she disrespected you.
utterer of lies Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Forget her, but only after you informed his wife.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Definitely tell the guy's wife if you are breaking it off with this woman. Why would you not?? Just make sure you're prepared for any violent reprisal from him... As for what you should do or should have done. At first the stories of the woman sounded nice and romantic. But when someone mentioned manipulation, that sounded very probable. I mean, rose petals? That's what I get for occasionally not being cynical I guess. She has 2 kids and isn't getting any younger, I think she's just desperately looking for a new husband. It's possible you could have made something work at some point, if you had done everything perfectly. Unfortunately, we live in reality, and in reality people aren't perfect. She sounds like yet another woman that can't accept imperfection and doesn't ever trust a man's word or good intentions. Maybe you did a poor job explaining your motivations, maybe she is just especially distrustful, maybe both. Either way, it sounds like nothing's going to work now. It's always sad if a relationship ends due to misunderstanding. However, she's already cheated on you, and shown other really bad personal behaviors. I don't really see the point of going to her one last time to explain yourself and it will just look pathetic I think. However, if you still love her and can accept that maybe she's not the most faithful or sensible woman, sending a well-thought out letter might not really be a bad idea. Whichever path you choose should really be based on you, not anyone on this forum. I just tried to highlight my thoughts on the matter.
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