LostOnLI Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hello Everyone, So here is my story...and I really hope for some input from you. Im 32, my girlfriend is 26. I met a girl about 1.5 years ago. Initially it was just friends with benefits, then she fell for me, it took me another 5-6 months before I left my past behind and committed to her. It was a rocky period in our lives with few setbacks on my part but we made it. As we started dating seriously she was very committed to me. She came over to see me every weekend, cooked, cleaned bought me gifts. She dressed the whole bed with rose petals and prepared a romantic bath for valentines. I have never had anyone do things like that before. She definitely gave it 110%. She made it clear that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, move in and get married. We had two ongoing issues. 1) I was not going over to see her enough. Even thou we saw each other every weekend she expected me to come over during the week. Being that I work over 50 hours a week and go to school, the weekdays would just fly by so I was not able to make one hour commute every week 2) She wanted to move in and I was hesitating with that. She has two kids 2 and 8 and I wanted to finish school before we moved in. So last december she ended up cheating on me. I was devastated. The thing was just a one night stand, a blast from the past. So we patched things up, and decided to try again. Things were good for a little while, but it was just a quiet before the storm. about a month ago she thought she was going to be evicted from her place. Instead of offering that she come stay with me, I offered to help her look for a place and help her with the rent. She was really hurt by that and became resentful. Over the last few weeks she became distant. Last week I found out that she was exchanging text messages with some guy. It was her neigbour's nephew As I dug a little deeper I found out that the guy is 10 years older and married. She was going to the neighbour's house ever day to talk to him on the phone. The guys wife was not in the best shape, and here comes this young delicious looking piece of booty. I am sure he used the moment of weakness in our relationship to whispered everything she needed to hear into her ear. He kept the conversation light and cheerful and helped her "realize" that she needs to leave me... Last weekend my girlfriend told me that she was really devastaded by my response about moving in and she wanted to break up with me. Over the weekend I apologized, made it clear that even thou i was not ready to move in I would not abandon her in a time of need, but it did not matter what I said. She was dead set on breaking up with me. I tried again the follwing day with flowers and a key to my place. I ensured her that I love her, care about her and want to be there for her and the kids...all I heard was too little too late. Maybe some time in the future we will get back together, but right now I need my space. I found out that they planned to meet this morning for breakfast. I did not tell her that I knew, but I tried to intervene by asking her not to do things out of spite or do something that can not be undone...She called me this morning, asked if I was serious about everything I said. I said of course, then she replied, "would you marry me?". I said we would have to move in first, and once we know things are working well we can get married. She said " I heard what I needed to know and hang up" She ended up meeting the guy 2 hours later and ended up in her place for obvious reasons. Of course im hurt, and have a lot of doubts thinking should I have made more time to go see her?, should I have moved in anyways? Did I loose the best thing that happened to me by being indecisive? Then Im thinking that the whole married guy thing was REALLY dirty. I am doubtful we will get back together. The guy intentionally crashed our relationship for something that was nothing more than a piece of ass on the side for him. I am really tempted to tip off his wife.... Please advise... Thank You in advance
Trovador Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I don't know if admire you or pity you, she is ****** with another guy and you want to get back with her... but that is only the tip of the iceberg, if I were you, honestly, I'd run away all the way thanking God for giving me a chance to rebuild my life... My honest advice, keep her as an ex...
Thatguyintx Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 The flags I see are redder than the bull-fighter's cape! I want to make sure I understand: 1. She's sad you can't spend more time with her, so she starts talking to some other guy 2. She wants to move in even you are not ready, so she cheats and then decides to break up. 3. You apologize and want it to work out, but she is against the relationship. But then she asks you to marry her. You say you will when things appear to be working. She takes that badly and runs. Please, please, please, get some space from this relationship and her. Your responses seem very rational. Her responses, not so much. Unless I am missing something here...
Author LostOnLI Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 ..and would it be wrong of me to crash the party? The guy's wife is right on facebook. He noticed the weakness in our relationship and cold-blodedly exploited it...
Thatguyintx Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 ..and would it be wrong of me to crash the party? The guy's wife is right on facebook. He noticed the weakness in our relationship and cold-blodedly exploited it... For me, the answer would be leave it alone. Revenge has never really helped me out in the long term. Short term, maybe. I would carry on and not let them know they are getting to me. I think this is much less his fault and much more your ex's fault. She is the one who made promises and should have been acting better. Just my $.02. Leave it alone and start focusing on you.
optimistgirl Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 So when things don't go her way, her solution is to find comfort in other men. Do you really want to be with someone that treats you like that??? As far as telling the guy's wife, I wouldn't advise doing that. That's not your issue and it wouldn't solve anything between you and your gf. This situation sounds toxic. It may be hard to see now, but her wanting to break up with you may the best thing for both of you.
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Well, sounds like you have some serious commitment issues, but, if you weren't comfortable with the progress of your relationship, you can't force it. Where as she wanted the whole thing lock, stock and barrell RIGHT NOW! I would say, learn from your mistakes and move on. WHen you meet the next girl, be upfront with her and tell her you want to take things slow. You work AND you go to school and those things are important to you; however, you would like to spend time with her when you can. Personally, I wouldn't start dating again until after you complete school so you can dedicate time to a girl and a possible relationship. As far as the current girl you were involved in, I would go completely NC with. Hell, she cheated on you once in the past and now she's cheated with a married man almost literally in front of your face. You don't deserve that. Don't answer her calls, don't answer her texts and delete her FB page. Time for you to fix yourself and heal. Has she tried to make contact with you since? AS far as telling the OM wife? That's your call. I would say yes and no. Yes if you were trying to work it out with this girl and you want to kill the affair and the OM wife has a right to know what's going on in her marriage. I would say no if you have no intention of seeing this girl ever again, because quite frankly, it isn't your problem and the karma bus will catch up with your Ex in due time. So choice is yours. Does your girl know that you know she slepted with this other guy? How do you know she invited him back to her place to begin with?
Author LostOnLI Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Yes, I will admit, I had some serious issues, and she was the one that I finally put my soul to peace...well, not for long As for the guy, I know they have been planning all this because I have a family plan on our cell phones. I also knew they slept together after she sent a text message to her girlfriend after saying "god, my insides hurt". It does not get any more descriptive than this. As for the wife, she is right on facebook...
Mcnulty Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Lucky escape for you I would say!! For every girl with a "broken heart", there's a guy with a glue gun!
Author LostOnLI Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 No she did not, before she slept with the guy she asked me about all those conditions, but to me it just sounded like she was looking for a reason...
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Wait..Wait...wait... Did you tell her you knew she was about to go to "breakfast" with this guy and she gave you conditions? Then when you didn't tell her what she wanted to hear, she went? This is an aweful woman! REALLY? She just talked to you and within 2 hours she's sleeping with a married man. Run dude...run as fast as you can. Your story as seriously gotten me mad for your sitituation. So, I can't answer the OMW question for you at this time. But, go completely NC, don't look at the messages on that family plan, in fact cancel it! Delete from facebook. I'm pretty sure once she notices you not chasing after her, she will contact you. Ignore her, or state that you don't do relationships with homewreckers....scratch that... don't say that...don't say anything at all. NC.
Author LostOnLI Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) No, she had no idea. The night before I dropped little hints by telling her "do not do something that we will both regret", so she either started thinking about that the next morning or was just looking for a reason.. Edited March 31, 2011 by LostOnLI
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 okay, sorry I know I'm gonna get bashed for this, but I can't help but feel sorry for that poor woman. I assume that you are done with your Ex, but I feel that the OMW has the right to know what kind of a dirtbag her husband is. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want someone to tell you, even if you knew it was going to be painful? This guy shouldn't get a free pass in my opinion. Because, if he can do it to you, he can do it to someone else. If you can find a way to do it anonymously, I would go that route. Get yourself to feel that this isn't about you or getting revenge, but rather informing someone that has the right to know. People are gonna tell you I'm wrong and perphaps they are right, but only you can make that decision for yourself.
D-Lish Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 ..and would it be wrong of me to crash the party? The guy's wife is right on facebook. He noticed the weakness in our relationship and cold-blodedly exploited it... Regardless of what he did, your gf was the one that did you wrong and the blame needs to be placed on her and only her. What I hear from your post is that your gf was pressuring you to do what she wanted, using an ultimatem as a weapon. Everytime you didn't do what she wanted you to do, she sought comfort elsewhere. You've didged a bullet in this situation. Just imagine if you were to marry her... What would your life look like? It seems like her way of dealing with issues is to run off and cheat on you everytime she doesn't get her way. You weren't ready to move in with her, so she sought to cheat on you in order to make you do what she wants. You're not ready to move in with her, and her response to this was to manipulate you to do what she wanted with the threat of cheating. I'd run fast in the other direction from a woman like this. Maybe if you met a supportive, trustworthy partner- you'd be more inclined to take the next step with her- but this woman isn't worthy. Stop blaming the other men she invites into her life and focus the blame where it belongs- on her.
Trovador Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I gather the OP doesn't want to tell the man's wife out of a moral duty... He wants just crash the affair... I wouldn't do anything, these things tend to fall out by themselves... anyway, I think the wife surely knows what a "prize" her husband is... Just walk away, and don't even look back...
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