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What's up with an ex throwing out the "lets continue as friends, at some point"?

TryingtoUnderstand32

By TryingtoUnderstand32
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

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Posted (edited)

Like I got the:

 

" I will need sometime apart from each other until we are both ready,

but I'm open to stay in touch with you as a friend. If you're open to it

please keep it in mind. I consider the time we spent together is a gift and

something I treasure. I think there are a lot of things I learned from you

that made me a better person."

 

Is it because they (dumper) feels guilty or because they really do want to be friends?

 

I mean he pretty much told me why he was ending it and part of the reason was that he didn't want to "settle" for me. Why would you want to be friends, or what makes him think I want to be friends after saying that?

 

I know sometimes an ex wants to keep the door open for a possible reunion or sex, in my case don't think he would want either of those.. so why be friends?

Edited by TryingtoUnderstand32
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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

Posted
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I told him no and I actually felt a little guilty..HE dumps me and I'm the one to feel guilty for saying no to friendship..figures

Hopeless Girl Established Member

Hopeless Girl

Posted
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damn! you shouldve said yes and still kept NC. it f**** with their minds AND! its like your being indifferent.

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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

Posted
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damn! you shouldve said yes and still kept NC. it f**** with their minds AND! its like your being indifferent.

 

 

Didn't really see a point because he was clearly over me. It wasn't the kind of break up where it was questionable

Hopeless Girl Established Member

Hopeless Girl

Posted
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u know... even though they say "let's be friends" they probably dont care if you say yes or no if they dont care about you. so you do whatever you want and stop asking yourself why does he want to be friends. its just a way of ending things well. and dont sleep with him it just makes u look stupid and desperate

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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

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u know... even though they say "let's be friends" they probably dont care if you say yes or no if they dont care about you. so you do whatever you want and stop asking yourself why does he want to be friends. its just a way of ending things well. and dont sleep with him it just makes u look stupid and desperate

 

 

Lol I have no intention on sleeping with him, he isn't like that anyway. He only has sex in a relationship. He is very proper. :confused:

Fufu Established Member

Fufu

Posted
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My ex bf did that to me,

 

"I want to be your friend, we still can be good friends." "I treasure you as a friend"

 

However, the day when he broke up with me for real, he already don't treasure me as a friend in baseline.

Beeotch Established Member

Beeotch

Posted
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Because unless you did something bad to this person why would they all of a sudden hate you and want nothing to do with you? It is said usually sincerely, although it usually cannot work until long after.

 

None of my exes and I are bffs...but I am still cool with one, because although the relationship didn't work, he is still an awesome person and when we do speak he contributes positively to my life. This however did not happen until a while after the breakup, I actually hadn't heard ANYTHING from him for a whole year. At the time I felt he was a jerk but now I realize there would have been NO WAY to be amicable when everything was fresh....he did the hard but right thing as if we had stayed in contact we wouldn't have been able to be "just friends" and it would have made a relationship that wasn't going to work drag on and perhaps we would have had even more beef and then never have spoken again. But what he did ended up giving me space to heal, him likewise and now we're cool with no animosity. While dating he said he always wanted me in his life even as a friend...it was truthful and I feel the same way.

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
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  1. It's a way to let someone down easy.
  2. It's the nice thing to do to avoid drama.
  3. He does still like you as a person but doesn't see a future.

As someone who has no problems with maintaining friendships with exes she likes as people, I'm a #3 person.

 

But it doesn't matter which type he is. If you're still hung up on him, don't be friends. You did the right thing since now is the time for you to take care of yourself and your own needs, until you've fully moved on.

 

Don't you dare feel guilty! :mad:

Trovador Established Member

Trovador

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Sometimes, they really do care about you and you must have something special in you...

 

I couldn't care less if after I dumped someone, she stays as a friend or goes away... but on second thought, I clearly would prefer that she goes away!

 

And sometimes, your ex might care a lot about you to the point of insist in a friendship, but they also might want to use you... on the other hand, you could use them either...

 

IMO, the best course of action is refusing their offer, sincere or not...

Fufu Established Member

Fufu

Posted
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I suddenly think of one reason why they will want to be with your friend at some point of time

 

 

if you accept them as a friend, they feel less guilty choosing to let go of you.

TheLoneSock Established Member

TheLoneSock

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Is it because they (dumper) feels guilty or because they really do want to be friends?

 

You are his plan B. B as in 'backup' plan.

 

Girls aren't the only ones who plan ahead and reach for another branch before letting go of the one they have. It's how they keep from falling... into the realization that they are unhappy when they aren't wanted by someone.

Rose T Established Member

Rose T

Posted
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You are his plan B. B as in 'backup' plan.

 

Girls aren't the only ones who plan ahead and reach for another branch before letting go of the one they have. It's how they keep from falling... into the realization that they are unhappy when they aren't wanted by someone.

 

 

This may not be true in your case, but my ex asked for friendship because I think he didn't want to lose a member of his "fanclub", and missed the "power" he wielded over me. He also didn't want me to hate him and on some level, lose the plan B option.

 

I vanished. :)

lapse Established Member

lapse

Posted
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Ya know what? I told my ex I wanted to be friends. And I did. I cared about him and I was very attached to him or I wouldn't have continued to try through the countless ups and downs. I meant it - I thought we could never work intimately, but we had been through quite a bit together and knew each other well.

Username37 Established Member

Username37

Posted
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My ex wanted to be friends too. I gave the her the fresh scent of NC and I think she got the message.

 

Friendship with the ex is weak. It's one-sided and selfish.

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TryingtoUnderstand32 Established Member

TryingtoUnderstand32

Posted
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My ex wanted to be friends too. I gave the her the fresh scent of NC and I think she got the message.

 

Friendship with the ex is weak. It's one-sided and selfish.

 

 

I still love him, but I'm way too angry to even have contact with him. He screwed me over.

Trovador Established Member

Trovador

Posted
Posted

Maybe some of us are lousy as lovers but great as friends... ha ha!

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