orangelady Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hi, what do you think of big age gaps between a couple? My friend is in this online situation where this 58 year old man really likes her a LOT romantically and wants to take it serious. She has never been married before, no kids and since she feels no one is ever gonna pursue her, she thought this might be the only guy who is genuinely interested. The man has no bad or sexual intentions and he is no creepy guy but quite an ambitious and nice chap, while she is quiet, shy and low key. Do you think its wise for her to consider a relationship with someone who is much older? Funny thing is, one of our friends, who was quite a cute lady in her 30s married a man in his 60s. (he was kind of successful). They had 2 kids. However, she died shortly after the marriage, (after 3-4 years). You'd think the husband would go first but............. Anyways.............seriously though...if you were my friend, and there were just too much competition around your area (all the women look better than you and men there were not interested in you)..would you consider the man in his 50s?
Cee Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I've done a fair share of dating across age differences. It takes a little getting used to because you have to put aside expectations of age and focus on the person. I've dated men who were up to 16 years older and currently dating a man who is 17 years younger. Since I am open to giving a man a shot whatever his age is, I have had more age gap relationships than most people. I am a product of an interfaith marriage and my parents got married in a time when that was frowned upon. I guess I was raised to open minded about potential mates. I understand that there aren't a lot of men who are compatible with me so I shouldn't rule people out on race, religion, age, body size, etc.
BB07 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hi, what do you think of big age gaps between a couple? My friend is in this online situation where this 58 year old man really likes her a LOT romantically and wants to take it serious. She has never been married before, no kids and since she feels no one is ever gonna pursue her, she thought this might be the only guy who is genuinely interested. The man has no bad or sexual intentions and he is no creepy guy but quite an ambitious and nice chap, while she is quiet, shy and low key. Do you think its wise for her to consider a relationship with someone who is much older? Funny thing is, one of our friends, who was quite a cute lady in her 30s married a man in his 60s. (he was kind of successful). They had 2 kids. However, she died shortly after the marriage, (after 3-4 years). You'd think the husband would go first but............. Anyways.............seriously though...if you were my friend, and there were just too much competition around your area (all the women look better than you and men there were not interested in you)..would you consider the man in his 50s? I would think the most important aspects are that she finds his outlooks and views similar and compatible to hers. If she wants children, is he open to that at his age as that could be the biggie. I would also say that attraction is important and if she feels that she is just settling than that isn't a good thing. If all the important criteria are met..........then why not.
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 My advice to you is to be supportive of what ever your friend decides. She shouldn’t make a decision out of fear of being alone. She should only proceed if she is attracted to the man. I also knew a woman who dated a much older man, only to die young from heart problems. You never know how long you will live. The built in mechanism that stops people from dating those much older is for many there is no attraction. So, if she is attracted she should do it, if its just out of fear then no.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 There should be no problem with that. They're both mature adults.
Knittress Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 "She thought this might be the only guy that's genuinely interested?" Eeeeeeeeeeeh. Fearing that this is the best you'll ever get doesn't seem like the BEST reason to get into a relationship with another person...
Author orangelady Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 I've done a fair share of dating across age differences. It takes a little getting used to because you have to put aside expectations of age and focus on the person. I've dated men who were up to 16 years older and currently dating a man who is 17 years younger. Since I am open to giving a man a shot whatever his age is, I have had more age gap relationships than most people. I am a product of an interfaith marriage and my parents got married in a time when that was frowned upon. I guess I was raised to open minded about potential mates. I understand that there aren't a lot of men who are compatible with me so I shouldn't rule people out on race, religion, age, body size, etc. 16 years is not a problem...but this is 28 years of difference. He is old enough to be her father.
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 16 years is not a problem...but this is 28 years of difference. He is old enough to be her father. Well my friend married a girl who looks like she weighs more than double what he does. If the attraction is there it's none of our business.
Author orangelady Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Well my friend married a girl who looks like she weighs more than double what he does. If the attraction is there it's none of our business. Hmmm true. And we shouldn't be too concerned about what society would say. People are mean I guess. I guess my friend doesn't want to be laughed at. She saw a couple who had that kind of age difference taking a stroll on the street and people were staring and laughing. I think its pretty common for the public to think all sorts of things when you are don't do the norms. P.S Darn, does your friend have anymore friends like him?
Dust Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hmmm true. And we shouldn't be too concerned about what society would say. People are mean I guess. I guess my friend doesn't want to be laughed at. She saw a couple who had that kind of age difference taking a stroll on the street and people were staring and laughing. I think its pretty common for the public to think all sorts of things when you are don't do the norms. P.S Darn, does your friend have anymore friends like him? Most of my friends like fat women. Don't ask I couldn't tell you why.
Ross PK Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 There's nothing wrong with it. They could turn out to be really happy together. But it's especially wise for her to consider this, because like you said, she's never had anyone before, she shouldn't have to continue to go through life like this. I mean, she's 30 and she thinks this might be the only guy who is interested in her. If things could turn out bad between her and this man, I can't see it being anywhere near bad for her psychologically than how bad her current situation is for her psychologically. Believe me, I know what it's like.
carhill Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Online situation - hmmm Perhaps press some flesh and see how it goes? My only advice would be, since this is a 'virtual' situation, to keep expectations low. People in real life can be markedly different than their electronic selves.
Author orangelady Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 There's nothing wrong with it. They could turn out to be really happy together. But it's especially wise for her to consider this, because like you said, she's never had anyone before, she shouldn't have to continue to go through life like this. I mean, she's 30 and she thinks this might be the only guy who is interested in her. If things could turn out bad between her and this man, I can't see it being anywhere near bad for her psychologically than how bad her current situation is for her psychologically. Believe me, I know what it's like. Oh I know what it's like. So you'd be with ANY woman that comes along your way too?
Ross PK Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Oh I know what it's like. So you'd be with ANY woman that comes along your way too? Almost any woman, since I'm attracted to the majority of women.
Author orangelady Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Almost any woman, since I'm attracted to the majority of women. Then you have no problems. Soonish if you follow my advice, you won't be hanging around here anymore. First of all........ 1) Do you smile at women? 2) Do you say Hi to them? Women appreciate friendly men. They will open up to you instantly and they take notice when you're warm and friendly.
Ross PK Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Then you have no problems. Soonish if you follow my advice, you won't be hanging around here anymore. First of all........ 1) Do you smile at women? 2) Do you say Hi to them? Women appreciate friendly men. They will open up to you instantly and they take notice when you're warm and friendly. Yes, I do both those things.
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