ChocCheesecake Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 The more I've been reading in this forum, the more I read about MM's who are hot and cold. Whether in an EA or a PA, one day they they love their AP, the next they pull back. One day they flirt, the next they ignore. I've read back pretty far in the threads, and even though the cirumstances of A's are different, so many people have the same complaint, or observation about MM's flip flopping frequently. What is the deal with this? While circumstances differ, it seems to happen in enough A's that it makes me just wonder....why? Guilt? Purposeful game playing to hurt the other person? Easing into it to lessen the guilt? Right or wrong aside, if a person is going to cross the line and screw around, then why not just do it or just don't do it? Why the drama?
BB07 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 All the things you named and more.........but the biggie is because you ARE ALLOWING him to treat you that way. I don't mean that in a mean hateful way or to inflict pain on you but people only treat us the way we allow them to.
cuddlekeeper Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I cant speak for others but the reason my MM and I do that is because after 4 and half years we know that this is not going to be anything but an affair, and when we get too close and enjoy each other too much, that is what you have to do to create the distance again. I love him but I dont want to live with anyone or have to take care of them. I like the life that I have, we see each other once a week, talk on the phone when we need to and go on holidays together. He has been complaining about his wife and having to look after his grandchildren all the time lately but I just listen and basically ignore it as it is his problem not mine. I sometimes worry that he will want to leave her but I am pretty sure that wont happen. Everyone on here has different circumstances so it is really hard to be specific about why this happens. But if everyone in the world was the same wouldn't we all be boring
Quiet Storm Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 It's all about whether you are a benefit or a liability to him at that particular point in time. If he is feeling horny, if he needs an ego stroke, if he is bored and needs entertainment...he will turn on the charm. He will love you, be romantic, caring, etc. If he is content (sexually or otherwise) or busy, he has no use for you at that point in time. You will be an annoyance. He'll ignore you, give short answers, pick fights, etc. It's all about him and his needs. MM don't care how the roller coaster affects OW. They figure if you choose stay on the roller coaster, you're cool with it. OW stay on the roller coaster thinking there will be a prize at the end. MM know there's no prize, but are willing to let OW stay on the ride as long as she wants, because it is easier to keep current OW on the string than finding and grooming a new OW.
Author ChocCheesecake Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 It's all about whether you are a benefit or a liability to him at that particular point in time. If he is feeling horny, if he needs an ego stroke, if he is bored and needs entertainment...he will turn on the charm. He will love you, be romantic, caring, etc. If he is content (sexually or otherwise) or busy, he has no use for you at that point in time. You will be an annoyance. He'll ignore you, give short answers, pick fights, etc. It's all about him and his needs. MM don't care how the roller coaster affects OW. They figure if you choose stay on the roller coaster, you're cool with it. OW stay on the roller coaster thinking there will be a prize at the end. MM know there's no prize, but are willing to let OW stay on the ride as long as she wants, because it is easier to keep current OW on the string than finding and grooming a new OW. That makes perfect sense. It just seems so calculating. What exactly do you all mean by "grooming" an OW? I've seen this many times.
Quiet Storm Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 What exactly do you all mean by "grooming" an OW? I've seen this many times. I think it's when they get you to lower your expectations. They start out charming and romantic, and when you fall in love with them, they know they've got you. They'll distance themselves, take longer to return calls...and before you know it you'll be happy just to get a text.
2sunny Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 The more I've been reading in this forum, the more I read about MM's who are hot and cold. Whether in an EA or a PA, one day they they love their AP, the next they pull back. One day they flirt, the next they ignore. I've read back pretty far in the threads, and even though the cirumstances of A's are different, so many people have the same complaint, or observation about MM's flip flopping frequently. What is the deal with this? While circumstances differ, it seems to happen in enough A's that it makes me just wonder....why? Guilt? Purposeful game playing to hurt the other person? Easing into it to lessen the guilt? Right or wrong aside, if a person is going to cross the line and screw around, then why not just do it or just don't do it? Why the drama? it's partially due to the fact that he is working from DIVIDED energy. divided devotion, divided or scattered attention... when a man needs to pay attention to more than one woman... each one involved will always feel short changed in MANY areas... THIS divided attention, energy and availability is usually what tips off his wife to "something being off" - so much so that she goes searching for what is taking up his time and attention so much that makes him feel "absent" even when he's there...
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