blizzard Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) This May will mark a 2yr anniversary of living under an in-house seperation. We live on opposites sides of the house. There are several reasons why I have chose to stay...the two most important reasons are my young children and finances. I chose to leave my profession 6 yrs ago, against my husband's wishes, in order to be a SAHM. Now, I am employed again and embarking on another career. I have been simply piecing my life together after a marriage that has dissolved...a relationship of 16 years, marriage of 10...that has been doomed since day one I suppose. I will be filing this summer. It's best. It isn't fair to anyone to live like this any longer. I have hung on and waited for a miracle...him to change, me to feel love...sadly nothing has happened. I have hung on for our families. Our kids. Our friends. I've been through IC, which I continue, and it helps. I am finally ready to let go. But those that haven't accepted our impending divorce make it so difficult to move forward. My father is one. He doesn't understand any of it. He was raised in home where his mother put up with his father...no matter how unhappy he made her. Divorce was unheard of back in that day. Much like us, they slept in seperate beds, seperate rooms...no I love you's or affection. The husband brought home the check and the wife dealt with the rest. My dad seems to think that now that I have returned to work, things are going to get better. He thinks our marriage has been drained due to finances. Impart, it is true. But not entirely. My husband has let my dad support us, instead of taking on a small parttime job...he joined a gym and buys expensive equipment for his hobbies. While my dad foots most of our bills. And my parents pay tuition for our kids. Getting it? My dad feels like supporting us would save our marriage. Instead, it really made it worse. When I am fed up to here with my husband's lack of responsibility, my dad takes up for him. Doesn't want to hear it. He takes up for him and downs me. He will say that my husband will "do it...fix it...etc" And I say "No, dad he won't. I will have to..." Then I am wrong for not giving my husband enough time to do ANYTHING. I am wrong because I am staring at faucet that I will have to repair because my husband has failed to do so...it's been a year I have waited. I am so tired of not living up to my dad while my husband is a saint. I can't win. I get so mad! I am his daughter...and he is losing me. Dad changes my oil, puts tires on my car, pays mortgage and bills, etc...but he doesn't see my husband as having faults. I says I do these things to help you both...and I say it's not your place...it's my husbands. But, my damn husband allows him to do it. How can I get my dad to understand that I don't love my husband. And that the end is near... When I try to tell him he changes the subject. Why doesn't he want to see me happy? Edited March 30, 2011 by blizzard
worldgonewrong Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I think you're not seeing your dad's sense of compassion. He strikes me as a big softie who really wants to see you two together, and he might be in denial. It doesn't mean he does not want you to be happy.
What_Next Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Family, ahh family. A double edged sword. WGW is likely correct in saying that your father really only wants the best for you, but his own bias in terms of his view of marriage doesn't let him see that perhaps divorce is in your best interest. Sometimes they simply may not "get it" and in that case you must do what you must.
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