CommunityRN Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Hi everyone! I'm new to the board so I hope that this first post finds everyone well. I'm going to go right off and start with a vent because, well, venting to a whole community of people seems like it would be more therapeutic than to just one person, LOL. I promise I'm not usually this worked up. So, here's a little history. My boyfriend and I have been together for coming on two years, and we were also previously together for 1.5 years. I have a daughter from when we were apart for those couple years before; there were issues with this in the beginning but he's become great with her and she calls him daddy, etc. Things have been going smooth lately - we've been talking about houses and making plans for the future, and everything was great. We had one little tiff regarding the fact that I'm working part-time (25-35 hours per week) and that I would "need to work more if we were going to do these things". We got over that one though. Recently, he landed a new job at which he'll be making really great money and his hours are great, too. I was happy for him, and my only caution was that it's a temporary mat leave position so he needs to be sure there will be something or have a plan following her return. So, since he's gotten this job, I notice that he's become a little cocky and just has an attitude (he hasn't started it yet, either). I've tried to ignore. These past 2 weeks, I've been trying to make plans when I know we'd both have a bit of time - nothing too desperate, just suggesting lunches or dinners, that my daughter and I would come visit his mom/brothers because they haven't seen us in awhile, etc. I believe I've suggested maybe four or so outings/hang outs. He's got an excuse each time. First, it was that he would be too busy with work. However - he's had all the time in the world to hang out with friends. Today, he knew I had the afternoon off (had known for a few days) and I had suggested maybe we could get some take-out lunch and relax. When I spoke to him, he said "I made plans to go to lunch with so and so". Hmmm, okay. This has been the story played out over the past couple weeks. I'm really agitated and not sure what to think or make of all this. Anyone got any insight? This is driving me up the wall and I honestly don't know that if it continues, what I'll be doing. Help!
MistaDynamic Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 When a man distances himself from his woman it's for one of two reasons. He' s got somebody else in his life and he's keeping you on the side "just in case". Or He's has somebody and he's getting ready to dump you. The fact he keeps avoiding spending time with you is proof he doesn't want to be around you...he wants or has somebody else. One thing from post I found worrisome was I would come visit his mom/brothers because they haven't seen us in awhile A women wanting to visit your family is never taken good by a man. Visiting family is for wives not girlfriends. Women usually use this tactic to get the family on thier side and to pressure their boyfriend into marraige. No man should stand for that.
Author CommunityRN Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Hey, thanks for your reply. I just wanted to point out (probably should have in original post) that his family and I (and my daughter) are very close. We do lots of things together - and my boyfriend was always involved in those activities. He asks me to come and see his family (they're going through some things right now, and having my daughter around cheers his mom up a lot). We don't have a casual relationship - rather, we're (or were) quite serious as I had mentioned we were beginning to talk about future plans. By no means am I trying to pressure him into marriage by being with his family. Just a few weeks ago, we spent a great night out for dinner and bowling and everyone had a great time. The other thing I'm thinking is he is freaked out about said future discussions (Even though he brought a lot of them up) and now is thinking about them. I'm not in a rush - just confused.
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