Author Kelemort Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 I've started working out. Five years ago, I lost more than 60 pounds...I'm ashamed to say that in that time I've gained about 30 of it back. There's been no sex in about a week. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just going to allow the rest of my life to be like this - give up any hope at all of sexuality during the week and pray and hope that on the weekend he'll feel up to having sex. This crap has absolutely destroyed my self-esteem. I so often find myself looking back on my ex-boyfriend - and he was a crap guy - but he seemed far more interested in me sexually than my boyfriend now does. At the very least, I felt like he wanted me. I gave my boyfriend my deadline recently and told him I would leave if things didn't improve. We see each other often enough. Why aren't we having sex? I see posts from other folks - here and elsewhere - where the poster is complaining about only getting sex twice a week. Sex twice a week is a MIRACLE! That's the sort of stuff where the world stops moving and you're in nirvana. As it is, I have to prod, poke, silently pout, or passive-aggressively go to bed in the hopes of getting sex. When you're in a relationship, you shouldn't find yourself asking, "How does sex feel again?" I honestly forget. I know 'good' - but I forget the rest. I think the lesson here is that you should probably screw the person you're dating within the first few months. If they don't want it, they probably never will and it's all bust anyway. If I could go back in time, instead of sitting and saying, "He waited for me for a year. How sweet!" I would've said, "He waited for me for a year and NEVER brought it up. Kill me." I paid $25 for this pack of birth control, and the only thing I can keep thinking is: "That was $6 a screw." Then I read some Psych articles on the issue and see that most couples still average 2 - 4 times a week. I am tired of his bull**** excuse that the frequency will increase when we get married, because then he won't worry as much about pregnancy. We live together. I'm sure his family is well aware that we're getting wild under the sheets (or well, at least they're not foolish for thinking so). Some of our family members have made jokes about our sex lives. I can't describe how hard it is to sit there and not say, "What sex life? I have to beg for it, so does it really count?" I cannot believe I've been this stupid. I can't believe I continue to be this stupid. When I'm alone, I sit here and find myself thinking, "Maybe we'll have sex today." I'm in a relationship, for the love of God! And every day goes like this. Every day, I put on a skirt (he loves 'em). Every day, I take off my skirt. The next day, I put on another skirt. And it's always the same - maybe when he comes home, he'll like that enough to be bothered to be interested in me. If I don't make any allusion at all to sex, it never happens. IF I do, SOMETIMES he will initiate. But it always feels forced, like he's just undergoing his typical routine to shut me up. I've found myself breaking my rules lately to enjoy any kind of sexuality with him - even giving oral sex. :/ Gotta get back to breaking all of that off and leaving in 2 months if this just isn't going to work. It's been a helluva depressing day. Time to go work out, I guess...
ShatteredReality Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I feel for you. I really do. Over two years ago I took off 60 lbs and put 30 back on. I am working on it again...eating better and exercising regularly....I remember it came off slowly then so I know it will now too, but that's ok....it took like a year or more to gain back that half that I'd lost. When I have thought in the past that my weight has impacted our sex life I have confronted my husband about this. I have told him he needs to be honest because if that's what is standing in the way he HAS to know I'd fix it...lol...I am sexually kind of high maintenance, so once a week isn't enough, nor is twice a week. I prefer daily, but I am ok with every other or third day. He goes through spurts where he doesn't want any for awhile and he'll make me wait almost a whole week...but he swears it's not my weight. 30 lbs shouldn't be enough to turn a man off anyways - not if he loves you. After you get married things will NOT get better....routines are made and ruts are formed...I am sorry....I wish I could be of more help. Maybe when you are working out you will start to feel better about yourself....if nothing else a good self esteem is nice!!
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