mellow_yellow Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Some things are happening in my life at the moment that have made me think. I've asked my friends' opinions but am still confused and would welcome yours as you're not biased in any way since you don't know me in person. The problem I have is not knowing whether I am to blame for another person's behaviour according to the old adage of 'you teach people how to treat you'. Does this mean that if a person treats you poorly it's your fault? That you're teaching them wrong and allowing them to treat you badly? On the other hand, if you knew how to do it right does it mean that everyone would treat you well? What about 'not everyone will like you no matter how nice you are but that's ok and their problem?' To put these musings into some context, this is what is going on in my life right now. I share an apartment with three other women. We're in our late 20s/early 30s and I have lived there for about a year now. One woman has become really unfriendly towards me over the last 6 months or so. Things like ignoring me when I say 'hi' when she comes in the room, putting on a real pained and impatient expression when she can't get around NOT responding, being short when she says something to me. Complaining that I spend too much time in our snug (around 2 weekday evenings) when I have a room of my own. I've asked her if I'd annoyed her involuntarily and she denied there was a problem.Seemed annoyed I asked tho. Ok, I thought. Maybe she honestly thinks the way she treats me is normal. However she is very friendly with the other two women and surely she must notice the difference? We've been avoiding each other around the apartment as much as possible these last few months. Seems to work for the most part. But not always. Over the winter months we had the radiators on a lot (including through the night). I didn't mind too much because I'm considerate and thought that maybe she just really feels the cold So I didn't mention it and anyway it wasn't costing us the earth. She has now decided that since it's now spring the apartment no longer needs to be heated. It can still be quite chilly in the apartment - it's not that warm outside yet. For the last few weeks I have been turning the radiators on for an hour or so when getting in at night (I get in first). Noone said anything so I thought it was ok. Then two days ago sheasked in an aggressive tone if I'd turned on the rads. I said yes and she replied curtly that it didn't need to be on. I said 'ok'. Then I got pissed. And thinking that 'people will only walk all over you if you let them' I should say something. I sent her a text about it (since she seems to dislike face-2-face talk with me), saying that there was no need to be like that. Then, thinking that maybe she genuinely thought nothing was amiss I told her how it'd made me feel. She said she didn't care. So now I'm wondering...is it my fault I'm being treated like this? Am I being a pushover? Not assertive enough? How do you get someone to not treat you crappily? Is that my responsibility?
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