applestar Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) I currently have a boyfriend who is Vietnamese with Chinese blood in him. I am korean and 100% korean. We've been together for about almost 2 years and so far everything is great. We've had our ups and downs but who hasn't in a relationship? Well, my parents are great parents and i'm from a very family-oriented background whereas my boyfriend and his immediate family unit isn't as tightly-knit. they all just kind of do their own thing every day and barely talk one on one. i'm 20 and he's 22. my mom is from korea but came to america when she was 8 and has been here since and my dad came from korea when he was 27. my mom is hence, more americanized, but for some reason, she is kind of prejudiced against other asian races, such as vietnamese. she doesn't know i'm dating right now because i'm too scared to tell her and have her think im not paying attention in school or letting it get in my way in life. she is a great mom but not great when she thinks thhat korean is a more 'superior' asian race. she wants me to marry a korean man, but so far all the ones ive met haven't been the best (no offense to any korean males!) and i surprised myself on dating a nonkorean as well. anyway, we had a fight today about how she thinks i should look for the right type of guy and marry a good korean man who can provide for me and all that typical standards a mother would have for her child. i understand she wants best for me, but whenever i mention the possibility of me marrying someone not kroean, she says she REAALLLY does not want me to and that itll be hard for her and my dad to accept it. we are from a christian family, so i always try to point out that it's only up to GOd for judgment like we have learned from our religion but she keeps saying that its not wrong for her to want me to find an educated and great person who is above my level prefrably or is at my level. she keeps saying i need to find someone above my level. and she doesnt' believe anyone chinese or vietnamese or japanese, and especially white or black are able to be at par (no offense!!!) my boyfriend is extremely intelligent. he's a 4.0 student right now and is about to graduate this year and is a bio major on the pre-pharm track. he's hardworking and diligent and an honest and moral man who sticks to morals and what is right. he works hard at his job and my mom and dad even want him to come work at our store over the summer so my parents can finally take a few days off (they work 12/7). they know that they can trust him (they know who he is and that we were friends before) and that he is a better worker than i am (hahahh). we are diffferent in the way that i'm nowhere near that (haha) and we are different religions (his family is buddhist but he is undecided ever since he went to church) his family is really chill and dont ever bother us with anything wheenver i'm over and his parents and his relatives have always been so kind to me whenever i visit. i just wish my mom could be the same way. what can i do to make her see that it is okay to marry someone who is not korean? i just wish she can open her eyes to it. sometimes when she is in a good mood and i bring up the subject of interracial dating, she seems somewhat tolerant of it but still not very convinced, and when she's in her crabby mood she just completely shuts down the idea of it at all and sticks to her main idea that i should marry korean. my mom thinks vietnamese people (and not just vietnamese, but others too) are uneducated and of lower class i think because they are a 'third world country' and she doesn't want me to hang out with people who are of 'lower class' such as college dropouts or gangsters or other 'lower class races' or ill become just 'like them'. my mom is again a great person who cares but it really gets me when she says stuff like this and it makes me wonder why she is like this. all i know is that she was bullied a lot by blacks whe nshe first came to america and she works in the city so she has about 98% black customers where she says she doesn't like working there because they are not great people (will leave out what she really says >< ) Edited March 30, 2011 by applestar
optimistgirl Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Hi Applestar, I'm sorry that you have to deal with something like this. It's awful and it's not right. Parents should focus on the way that the guy treats their daughter as oppose to what his ethnic background is! He sounds like a wonderful guy, by the way. I was in a similar situation, except I was the one who was discriminated against. Not a good feeling. I have two degrees, excellent values, and treated these people's son with kindness. My crime was having brown skin. Go figure. See my story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269771/ He chose to break up with me. Also, have you thought about how your boyfriend feels that you have to keep him a secret? I'm sure this is difficult for him too. If you really love this guy and can deal with the fallout this may cause, then follow your heart. It's your life. Your mom may eventually come to her senses and she may not. Are you prepared to deal with that??? Ultimately, it's your decision who you choose to be involved with...especially if you live on your own. If you're still living at home, well, that's a different story.... Here's a story that might give you some hope.... A white friend of mine fell in love with a black guy...7yrs ago. Well, her mother was totally against it. They had huge blowout arguments and it really strained their relationship. My friend stayed strong in her convictions. Soon, her mother realized that if she wanted to maintain a relationship with her daughter, she would have to make some changes. Her mother actually went to counseling and worked through her issues. This past January, my friend announced that they were GETTING MARRIED...with her mother's blessing. That's a true story!! Have hope and follow your heart... Moms don't change their opinions overnight. It's going to take some hard work, but it's worth it if you love him and want to be with him.
optimistgirl Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 all i know is that she was bullied a lot by blacks whe nshe first came to america and she works in the city so she has about 98% black customers where she says she doesn't like working there because they are not great people (will leave out what she really says >< ) People often make judgments of other people, attributing their characteristics to that of their ethnicity. But it there are so many other factors involved... like education, socioeconomic status, family, etc. etc. I applaud you for thinking for yourself and not letting your mother's racist views influence your way of thinking!
Goldenspoon Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Applestar, why does your mom think Koreans are superior than Chinese and Japanese? Is Japan a third world country? Isn't it even more advanced than Korea? How about China? Has your mom ever been to Hong Kong? What about Beijing? Isn't China the next world power? Ever heard of Korea being on par with China or Japan?
sniffys Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) i dont think its racist, u are of the same race (asian). she is prejudiced though..and i really think thats cause our parents are old and traditional but that doesnt give them the excuse to act like a bunch of *******s. i think maybe your mom just doesnt want to fuss about this, she wont be able to talk in korean during family gatherings..having to talk in english instead. my bf is also asian but i dont speak his language, and he doesnt speak mine. im scared his parents might disapprove of me. but he claims they dont. they seem to me like cool people. hell, at least i wont understand anything if they talk bad about me. im warning you though this might cause a strain in your relationship..(your mom disapproving him). Anyway korean-veitnamese relationships are soooooooooo common i have no idea why your mom would have beef with it. @golden i dont think superior in a way of money , but like history, culture, beliefs, practices, and even how they were during wars..altho i think north vietnam and parts of korea were (or still are) communist at some point. Edited March 31, 2011 by sniffys
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