SingVoice Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 When I was younger...I always expected the guy to pay the first few dates. (I would then treat once in awhile...but left the majority to the guy). In my older age...haha...I have loosened up. I have been used for money too by a man...so I know how it feels. Not good. I think its ok for BOTH of you to treat each other. It seems a tad fishy to me that you said HE wanted to go ice skating...yet he is going to make you shell out 4.50 to do something that HE wants to do. I think you have either 2 choices. Maybe try to plan a night out for him..and PAY for him. And see if he recriprocates. Otherwise...talk to him. Maybe even suggest taking turns paying...then it seems like you are treating each other rather than just splitting EVERYTHING down the exact middle.
Author chelle21689 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Next time we eat out or something I'll offer to pay. Then I'll see if he offers back in return the next couple of times I see him.
sally4sara Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Men who are cheap with money, tend to be cheap in other ways within your relationship, like with time and emotion. If you want a generous man in all ways, then it's best to cut this one loose sooner, rather than later. As someone who gifts freely, I absolutely detest cheap men. I found the opposite IME. The guys who did try to be extravagant with money were doing so to compensate for something else they knew you would really want but they couldn't/wouldn't give you. It ended up being the first clue they had a GF/wife and hoped you wouldn't think to ask if he tossed money around. They were also pretty boring and hoped to spend lots of money to make up for it. Where as the guys who didn't try to do that or were okay with the trade off style (I'll get this one you get the next) were more innovative in how to keep me interested and didn't have a skeleton in the closet. They were funnier, more respectful and emotionally giving.
Mr.Cairo Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Men who are cheap with money, tend to be cheap in other ways within your relationship, like with time and emotion. If you want a generous man in all ways, then it's best to cut this one loose sooner, rather than later. Woah. I knew the Patriarch had brainwashed women much, but I never really believed that the Patriarchy, although being so powerful, could make women believe that if a man doesn't spend money on a woman he's generally cold. What is this? The Patriarchy succeeded in erasing from record the existence of the English Poet, John Keats - a very poor young man - regardless of the known fact that the letters he exchanged with the woman he loved are widely considered some of the most beautiful and lovely romantic letters of mankind? What is said about Keats can be said about many, many men who were poor or were respectful enough to know that to spend money on a woman, is to mock her independence. I'm really astounded by this. I had no idea that the Patriarchy could go as far as making the genre(women) that cares the most about emotions and feelings, and little about money, to have the staunch belief that a 'cheap' man is cold and selfish in feelings and how he'd treat the woman if she was with him.
Mr.Cairo Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) I don't know where you're from but what you have in your favour Mr Cairo is that those First World Dorks, in particular Musemaj and WayneBrady in their pure and ignorant light. Plus what you say here, its so self-evidently true but still remains a revolutionary thought. As far as a "stingy" man goes (as opposed to a bit careful). Its a bad sign however you slice the ham. I suspect the OP will find this out ... See what happens when money is spent in sports and in other useless activities? It seems that most males don't know that for thousands of years, women were married off to men much older than them. We are talking about 15 years olds(and even less) girls married to men double their age because if they didn't go with it, they'd have to work as prostitutes since there was no job for women, only men could work and if a woman tried to change that, she'd be beaten to death. Wayne or whatever that username is, Do you know why men have held most of the jobs since pretty much the first man walked upright on this planet? To control the access to sex. It's simple. Men want sex, but since most men aren't attractive, the only way for the majority to have sex and to have children is to oppress women. What do you think the witch-hunting horror was? Besides that, the terrorism exerted on women by Religion(religion was created by men to control women), these old, fat guys wanted to have sex with a particular woman. If she said no? She'd end on the stake, burning. Women have something called honour. They'd rather die than share their bodies with these disgusting guys and that's what happened. So many women died because of what? Witching? No, they simply wanted the right to choose the men they wanted to sleep with. Did you know that many, many women died in childbirth at the age of 16? Do you think that that's what they wanted? Do you have any idea of how many women were raped? Maybe your thought patterns are different from my own, but when a woman is not interested in a man and has sex with him, she's being raped. Do ask. Why do then, women have sex with men they aren't interested in? Because of lack of choice. Their fathers always made sure that their daughters were married off to guys who had $$, not guys their children wanted. Why do you think women were slaves? And still are? Society was created by men to better enslave women. If you can't see that, if you can't understand that nearly every woman who ever lived was a tool, an object to be used sexually and reproductively by men she'd never look at if she had options. That's why there are so many bitter guys on this forum. They honestly feel entitled to relationships, sex, and children. They claim that they, as human beings, deserve to be happy. Who cares that women aren't interested in them? They feel like approaching 'bitches'(their own words) and hatting on them for the lack of sex they have in their lives, and this is why I fear for women. There are guys in the mold of Sodini in the making in those creepy,disgusting PUA servers. Do you understand why women must be compensated by men, and largely at that? The vast majority of men are garbage. They think that because they are 'nice' guys they deserve sex. You do understand that you are the result of natural selection? That women when given the right to reproduce with whom they want, the species comes out stronger, taller, more beautiful, more intelligent and more creative? That we've halted our evolution by so much, for so long, because men decided to gather up and put down women(marriage, religions, the term ' slut' etc), therefore keeping women from being happy, a right they fully deserve, and it only made our species at the very best, stop in time? How do I hate men? Do I hate a plant when I say that it's green? I'm simply stating a truism of life, not my fault that the majority of men think that they are entitled to women. Edited April 1, 2011 by Mr.Cairo
mtber75 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Because greed is his favorite sin? Probably True...He's just a Cheap A@@!!! Or he took an advise that he shouldn't pay for dates so girls will be chasing him??? I read somewhere? Actually, I do kinda of feel used if I always pay for dates and get nothing in return:)
Eddie Edirol Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Next time we eat out or something I'll offer to pay. Then I'll see if he offers back in return the next couple of times I see him. Since you two havent kissed yet, I assume he isnt going to offer to pay until he knows for sure that you are physically attracted to him. Theres no sense in paying if the possibility is in the air that he will be friend zoned. That way, if he walks away, you paid for wasting his time. So if you want him to offer up, hurry up and kiss him.Show some sign of physical attraction so he can put his heart in a lil bit more.
phineas Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Since you two havent kissed yet, I assume he isnt going to offer to pay until he knows for sure that you are physically attracted to him. Theres no sense in paying if the possibility is in the air that he will be friend zoned. That way, if he walks away, you paid for wasting his time. So if you want him to offer up, hurry up and kiss him.Show some sign of physical attraction so he can put his heart in a lil bit more. Pretty much this.
thatdog Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Since you two havent kissed yet, I assume he isnt going to offer to pay until he knows for sure that you are physically attracted to him. Theres no sense in paying if the possibility is in the air that he will be friend zoned. That way, if he walks away, you paid for wasting his time. So if you want him to offer up, hurry up and kiss him.Show some sign of physical attraction so he can put his heart in a lil bit more. Sadly I agree. In my experience there are so many girls out there that still feel a sense of entitlement to being 'paid' for their time. I've met a lot of girls that love the idea of a free night out just hitting the bars and letting random guys buy them drinks. They make a big show of being appalled at how some guys think that just cos they paid for a few drinks they should be entitled to sex (which I agree is stupid) but then they deny the innapropriateness of accepting the drinks in the first place when it's obvious the guy is doing it to try and pick them up and they have no interest in anything but a free drink. To me, buying dinner or gifts for a girl that isn't my gf and isn't romantically involved with me is a big risk. I know too many guys that chase a single girl for ages, buy them dinners, pay for movies etc only to have the girl turn around and say thanks for the fun but I just like being friends. Friends DON'T pay for friends unless the friendship is long-lasting and reciprocated.
Author chelle21689 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Soo he bought the $9 tickets and I tried to give him $5 but he declined it. Sooo I guess this was the first time he sorta bought me something haha! I had a blast with him tonight though and we sat in the restaurant til 1am closing we were the last people. I wanted to kiss him on the cheek but I'm wayyyyy too shy!!
threebyfate Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I found the opposite IME. The guys who did try to be extravagant with money were doing so to compensate for something else they knew you would really want but they couldn't/wouldn't give you. It ended up being the first clue they had a GF/wife and hoped you wouldn't think to ask if he tossed money around. They were also pretty boring and hoped to spend lots of money to make up for it. Where as the guys who didn't try to do that or were okay with the trade off style (I'll get this one you get the next) were more innovative in how to keep me interested and didn't have a skeleton in the closet. They were funnier, more respectful and emotionally giving.Eh, where did I talk about being a big spender, always paying and all the above garbage? How about nowhere? I'm talking about nickel and diming men who are cheap screws. Soo he bought the $9 tickets and I tried to give him $5 but he declined it. Sooo I guess this was the first time he sorta bought me something haha! I had a blast with him tonight though and we sat in the restaurant til 1am closing we were the last people. I wanted to kiss him on the cheek but I'm wayyyyy too shy!!Big spender comes through! 'Grats!
Author chelle21689 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Haha you're funny! I'm just glad he declined my offer or else that would've ruined my mood. I have a feeling he'll end up offering to pay when things get more serious. When I say serious I mean when it seems like we're more like a couple. We haven't kissed or cuddled yet...just hold hands sometimes and the subtle hand on back LMAO
sally4sara Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Eh, where did I talk about being a big spender, always paying and all the above garbage? How about nowhere? I'm talking about nickel and diming men who are cheap screws. If single person doesn't want to sit at home, its going to cost some money to be out and about. You don't think anything of it if there is something you want and you have the money to spend on it right? Exactly when does a guy being with you during this mean he is cheap if he lets you do as you would about purchases when you're out on your own? I'm sorry you don't like it enough to rest on semantics, but I didn't find guys who paid for their own expenses and where fine with me doing the same to be the way you identified them in your post. We are forever on here reminding guys that just because one or two women they met were a particular way - it doesn't mean all women will be that way. So too is it the same with the men you've met who were as you identified to be - cheap because of XY and Z. I didn't meet those guys. I met guys who were different from your experiences. And the most "generous" ones were not wanting to spend out of generosity.
phineas Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I looked at his newsfeed and his cousin thanked him for stopping by and buying her a waffle bowl sundae. Soo he seems generous with close family. Noo this is the 7th time we have met lol Honestly, if I knew why then I wouldn't be bothered. But I don't want to ask because it sounds really rude So, 7 times he's given you his time. What have you honestly given him in return to show you arn't using him & are genuinely interested. Note, I said SHOW. words are just background noise to me coming from a woman. She has to SHOW me she wants me. If she doesn't, then we are just friends & well, my friends all got jobs & pay their own way. Have you at least kissed him? I didn't read that anywhere.
soserious1 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I'm kind of confused here, why would you expect him to "treat" you to anything? Don't you have a job? You aren't his mother or his sister, you've made it clear you aren't available emotionally for any sort of committed relationship. You are basically casual friends who are just starting to get to know each other. Frankly I'd be more worried if he was treating you to things and paying for you,he's acting correctly IMHO. Btw, I not only NEVER allow men to buy me "treats" or to pay my way, I go out of my way to ensure that when the check comes, I've paid the entire bill for us both. I prefer it that way, because I don't owe anybody a thing at evenings end!
Author chelle21689 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 At Phineas...above I did mention we haven't done that yet. We both agreed to go really slow and well there hasn't really been a right moment for that but we're both pretty shy people, haha. Usually the guys would make the move first...I'm way too nervous to even try. I think I have shown interest...when we're out I flirt, I smile a lot, laugh, he knows I think he's cute, he knows I want to spend time with him when I make plans and invite him out, I don't play games with him and he doesn't play games with me. I mean do I really have to start making out with a guy to show that? Soserious, I don't think I have to explain myself for the thousandth time on here...haha. Yeah I have a job, and I do want a relationship with him...I want us to grow into a relationship and he agrees. I feel like we're developing really slow but well at our own pace. He even said he doesn't want to rush me considering I got out of a relationship (long long term) about 3 months ago.
persevere Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Sounds like he may be wary of what's going on, (friends? or more). You recently got out of a long term relationship? I've had it happen to me before. I really like her, she's recently out of a LTR. We go out, get along well...poof...back to the ex. So, he may not want to spend his money until he's sure, ie, more romantically involved. Or...perhaps he's just cheap?
Woggle Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Why doesn't Mr Cairo just have a sex change already if he hates his gender so much? If this what I have to be in order to not be considered a misogynist then the hell with that. It's guys like you who will get their wakeup call when one of their misandrist friends turns on them no matter how progressive or enlightened they are. Just ask my father who you used to be just like you. Also what about ugly women? Do they exist or is every woman on the face of the planet some perfect angel. Also what about a good looking man like Ted Bundy who even after being arrested for all those murders still had women swooning over him? What his reason for doing what he did? Explain all of this to a neanderthal like me.
threebyfate Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 If single person doesn't want to sit at home, its going to cost some money to be out and about. You don't think anything of it if there is something you want and you have the money to spend on it right? Exactly when does a guy being with you during this mean he is cheap if he lets you do as you would about purchases when you're out on your own? I'm sorry you don't like it enough to rest on semantics, but I didn't find guys who paid for their own expenses and where fine with me doing the same to be the way you identified them in your post. We are forever on here reminding guys that just because one or two women they met were a particular way - it doesn't mean all women will be that way. So too is it the same with the men you've met who were as you identified to be - cheap because of XY and Z. I didn't meet those guys. I met guys who were different from your experiences. And the most "generous" ones were not wanting to spend out of generosity.Using your own logic, it appears you believe that generous men are all conniving no-goods and that, I find sincerely sad. Don't you feel you're worth being generous to and aren't you generous back? Or maybe we come from different worlds.
sally4sara Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Using your own logic, it appears you believe that generous men are all conniving no-goods and that, I find sincerely sad. Don't you feel you're worth being generous to and aren't you generous back? Or maybe we come from different worlds. Many that I met were that way indeed. Lady, I suggested that very same years ago!
Woggle Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I am very generous with a woman I am involved with and for the most parts I will pay for basic things on a date but I am not breaking the bank for anybody I just met. It's the same reason why I will give a good friend the shirt off my back but if a guy came up to me on the street and asked for fifty bucks I would tell him to get out of my face. A person has to prove themselves before I go all out for them.
musemaj11 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 If I asked out a woman on a first date (not online dating though), I would not mind being expected to pay as the asker. But I find it sick when Im expected to pay for the first few dates just because Im the guy. If I feel that she is that kinda woman, Im gonna expect her to put out within the first few dates as well. Although, Im aware that there are degenerate guys out there who even if the women pay, they will still pressure them into sex as well. Sick.
Author chelle21689 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 OMG a break through! LMAO...so we were at the bar and I was going to buy him a drink but he told me he was going to pay for me instead! HAHA...wow we're getting some where...this is a start. Small but hey! He finally paid for something!
Mangomonkey Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 This thread is hilarious but i just wanted to point something out to the people who believe that women were oppressed since ancient times. Men and women started out as equals when civilizations starting blooming across the world. The man's job was to hunt and bring back food while the women's job was to gather fruit/vegetables. Because men are naturally more adapted to hunting they could travel further and bring back more food than what women were able to do. Over time the role of a man was considered more important because he could do more and he did more compared to women who had to take care of the children and stay close to home/villages/ whatever you wanna call it. So men kinda just took control and dominance from there. Yea there was oppression but lets not make it what it isn't. Men became just the natural providers and the providers just got the bigger say in things. Look at the american economy if you see it in a different light. The rich controls the world while the poor just lives in it. And just a side note women had important roles in ancient times. Look at ancient egypt. Best example i can think of for equality in women in ancient times. Now ancient India/asia is a different story but Im not going there. I just wanna make a point and to give some FACTUAL history lessons instead of opinionated ones. Now back to the subject. Me personally. I spend money on a woman because I'm generous. I continuously spend money on a women because I like her. I will not throw my money away on a woman who i feel like dont deserve it, not interested in, don't trust. Just gotta remember something. What sex is to women is what money is to men. Well me at least.
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