Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) Give me good reasons why a guy would not pay for a girl EVER if he likes her and isn't broke? Not even something as cheap as $4. He has never offered to pay for me. I'm not a gold digger at all but I just never been with a guy that has never offered to pay. We've been talking every night, we see each other on the weekend, I know he is really into me, but he never pays for me. I'm not saying he should pay for something extravagant but little things count sometimes. I tried to hint at him it's okay to pay once in a while by buying him a beer at the bar once. Everything else about him is gentle man like. He opens doors for me, he waits for me, he initiates calls, he goes out of his way to pick me up, he's very polite, he waited a month to hold my hand LOL. We're not rushing because I just got out of a relationship a couple months ago. I don't get it! He's got a really good job. He seems to be financially stable. But even when I had a broke boyfriend he paid for little things SOMETIMES. Because when a man truly respects a woman, he doesn't want to make her feel like he's paying for her, like she's her property. Women - although earning less, and I hope they'll eventually earn more than men - have created a good life for themselves. Without any help from the state, from their parents or from men. I have a profound respect for a woman who pays her own way, always, because she's making a point of all the good things that feminism brought: equality, respect and so on. I also enjoy having women spend money on me because it gives me a chance to experience how repressed women are, treated like divas by these old, silly, old-fashioned guys, with their lack of respect for women by, calling them on the phone, taking them out to eat, little gifts here and there. It's enjoyable, but barely. It makes me feel like a child. Surely this is what a woman feels when she is given money in any sort of way: like a child, and not thought of as a worthy human being. Edited March 30, 2011 by Mr.Cairo
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Men who are cheap with money, tend to be cheap in other ways within your relationship, like with time and emotion. If you want a generous man in all ways, then it's best to cut this one loose sooner, rather than later. As someone who gifts freely, I absolutely detest cheap men. How are you any better than the guys who say stuff like this?Next time, quote me in context. As someone who's not cheap, I detest cheap men.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Next time, quote me in context. As someone who's not cheap, I detest cheap men. I know that women might disagree with me on this, but that's the hand of the patriarchy: To make women think that they are less than men, by making them believe that they should be treated like little porcelain dolls. It's like religions. They were created by the patriarchy to submit women to the will of men. Disgusting. There's nothing more appealing than a woman who doesn't expect a man to treat her(spend money on her etc) like her father did when she was a child. And remember, how can a man respect a woman as an equal when he's fulfilling the role her father once had?
Lauriebell82 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 There are men out there who do not feel they need to be pay for a woman anymore in 2011. My husband was one of these men, he didn't go as far as to NEVER pay, but he liked when I treated him occasionally and vice versa. I was one of those traditional woman who had a real problem with this, as I always thought it was the man's job to pay for dates. That doesn't make me a goldigger, it's just the way I was raised. I changed my point of view when I realized that my husband appreciated me treating him every now and then. You said you don't have a problem treating him, so I don't think he should have a problem treating you. Next time you go out offer to pick up the check and see if that gives him a clue. If he refuses to treat you to ANYTHING EVER, then he is more disrespectful then stingy.
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I know that women might disagree with me on this, but that's the hand of the patriarchy: To make women think that they are less than men, by making them believe that they should be treated like little porcelain dolls. It's like religions. They were created by the patriarchy to submit women to the will of men. Disgusting. There's nothing more appealing than a woman who doesn't expect a man to treat her(spend money on her etc) like her father did when she was a child. And remember, how can a man respect a woman as an equal when he's fulfilling the role her father once had?Nice spin but it doesn't hold any water with me. I gift freely and a lot. My language of love is generosity in all ways. I expect that the same be returned. If a man's cheap emotionally, sayonara. If a man's cheap with his time and energy, sayonara. If a man's cheap financially, sayonara.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Next time, quote me in context. As someone who's not cheap, I detest cheap men. As someone who doesn't do X... I don't like women who do Y? Weren't you just complaining about Musemaj making the same type of statement? Nice spin but it doesn't hold any water with me. I gift freely and a lot. My language of love is generosity in all ways. I expect that the same be returned. If a man's cheap emotionally, sayonara. If a man's cheap with his time and energy, sayonara. If a man's cheap financially, sayonara. That actually makes a lot of sense.
TheLoneSock Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You said you don't have a problem treating him, so I don't think he should have a problem treating you. Next time you go out offer to pick up the check and see if that gives him a clue. If he refuses to treat you to ANYTHING EVER, then he is more disrespectful then stingy. What has she treated him to? A beer? Impressive. I think this thread has gone much further than is appropriate. Let's not forget that the OP and her boy are barely dating. He is not a disrespectful 'tightwad'. And she is not a money grubbing b*tch. They are just fine the way they are handling it right now, both taking it slow as the OP says.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 LOL...alright I'm impressed how many responses I got, very entertaining! Welp, I'll probably come back to this thread later on in the future to let you know what happens if things progress or end. Thanks all!! And you go it, Lonesock!
waynebrady Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Because when a man truly respects a woman, he doesn't want to make her feel like he's paying for her, like she's her property. Women - although earning less, and I hope they'll eventually earn more than men - have created a good life for themselves. Without any help from the state, from their parents or from men. MORE than men? Really why? If women in the future earn more than men on average. Then to level the playing field they should also pursue men more than vice versa. It's my oppinion that a person should not pursue/chase/initiate a relationship with a person who earns more money, it puts too much inequality in the relationship. And too me personally I have to much pride to go after and pursue a woman who has more money than me. It has to be a balance. If the woman earns more money and was also pursued/chased by the man she has all the "power", she has quite simply a big upper hand over the man. If a woman earns more money but she did the pursuing/chasing it has more balance. Offcourse the same thing goes if the genders were reveresed. Thats why in todays society men tend to pursue women more than vice versa.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 MORE than men? Really why? If women in the future earn more than men on average. Then to level the playing field they should also pursue men more than vice versa. It's my oppinion that a person should not pursue/chase/initiate a relationship with a person who earns more money, it puts too much inequality in the relationship. And too me personally I have to much pride to go after and pursue a woman who has more money than me. It has to be a balance. If the woman earns more money and was also pursued/chased by the man she has all the "power", she has quite simply a big upper hand over the man. If a woman earns more money but she did the pursuing/chasing it has more balance. Offcourse the same thing goes if the genders were reveresed. Thats why in todays society men tend to pursue women more than vice versa. Because when women are given the same rights that men have(and lets not pretend that women have all of the rights men enjoy), they choose the man they want to have. Look at the future wife of the Prince of England. She can choose anyone. She's not made to marry a guy she's not attracted to like so MANY women are, because the patriarchy doesn't allow women to be free. It's the majority of men, trying to put women down, suffocating them in this never ending cycle of 'does he make enough money, how much education he has' etc. A woman with her own money doesn't need her guy to match her in $$ or in education. She will choose the man she really wants. I've seen it happen, how women will settle for what they can have right now due to the collapse of the world's economy(caused by men) instead of going for what they really want. Give far more education to women. Give far more money to women. Women must be compensated for all those many thousands of years of living under Man's repressing hand. Everyone ends up happy. Maybe not the majority of men, but who cares? If they aren't selected by women there must something wrong about them.
donnamaybe Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Maybe not the majority of men, but who cares? If they aren't selected by women there must something wrong about them. NICE!
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 What has she treated him to? A beer? Impressive. I think this thread has gone much further than is appropriate. Let's not forget that the OP and her boy are barely dating. He is not a disrespectful 'tightwad'. And she is not a money grubbing b*tch. They are just fine the way they are handling it right now, both taking it slow as the OP says. Solid! You just summed the whole thread up in one post. Women must be compensated for all those many thousands of years of living under Man's repressing hand. *face palm*
waynebrady Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Give far more education to women. Give far more money to women. Women must be compensated for all those many thousands of years of living under Man's repressing hand. By the same logic should todays Germans be punished for what their fathers or grandfathers did in WW2? Should todays African-Americans get "compensated" for what their forefathers hundreds of years ago had to endure? Why should todays women be compensated for what their mothers or grandmothers had to endure? Women today have it good and pretty much equal, judging by your username I'm gonna guess you're from Egypt? Egypt is different, there women probably don't have equality. In the middle east, africa, parts of asia... sure women still have it bad. But women in europe and the US/Canada and alot of other countries don't have it bad at all, they're equal to men. In countries like Sweden women have it BETTER than men.
musemaj11 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 When a man is not willing to part with treasure for your benefit, he does not like you. Unless of course you are giving him a negative vibe that is causing this behavior. It also depends on how long you have been dating. Personally, I am the frugal type - financial independence and hard work has made me this way. But that is one of the ways I can tell if I like a girl or not; whether or not it makes me feel good for taking care of her or providing her with security by parting with my resources. I get enjoyment out of it. However, if I feel that this kind of thing is expected, and that the girl assumes that I am going to pay for things for her, then the meaning is greatly lost for me and I am far less inclined to do so. It goes exactly along the same lines of the difference between a guy enjoying sex with you as long as you want it also, and a guy expecting sex from you. It is the same thing. You are exactly like me. Im a giver, but I give only to those whom I deem deserve it. I used to be extreme about paying on dates. But now I have mellowed a little bit. Instead of being a dealbreaker, a girl who doesnt insist on paying on a date simply loses major points in my book, but if she is perfect otherwise, Im willing to ignore that. Anyway, this guy doesnt sound like a jerk. My hunch is that this guy knows what he is doing. He seems to purposely refuse to spend money on you for personal reasons. Maybe he is trying to screen out the cheapskate gold diggers.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Solid! You just summed the whole thread up in one post. *face palm* It's the truth. How many of those 15 year old girls were really interested in being married to a 40 year old man? If they were caught with the guy they wanted, they would be left homeless and their children would be taken away from them. All of the relationships up until the 20th century(1970) were nothing more than a business transaction, with women providing sex and children and the men providing a house and money. That's what the patriarchy does. It completely takes a woman's right to select her partner and makes her 'bond' with a man she wouldn't be interested in if the possibility of her having her own, independent life, was there. Women with the money to let the evil patriarchy behind do what nature intended them to do: they select what is best for them. Not what is best for men.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 By the same logic should todays Germans be punished for what their fathers or grandfathers did in WW2? Should todays African-Americans get "compensated" for what their forefathers hundreds of years ago had to endure? Why should todays women be compensated for what their mothers or grandmothers had to endure? Women today have it good and pretty much equal, judging by your username I'm gonna guess you're from Egypt? Egypt is different, there women probably don't have equality. In the middle east, africa, parts of asia... sure women still have it bad. But women in europe and the US/Canada and alot of other countries don't have it bad at all, they're equal to men. In countries like Sweden women have it BETTER than men. Yes, they should be compensated for all the wrong they suffered in the past. I'm speaking of all the oppression men have done to one another. Notice how men subjugate other men. Women don't do that. Women can live at peace with other women. Men have to be 'superior' to the other, all in the hopes of being closer to submitting women(harems, as an example). No, I'm not Egyptian. This is the the title of a song, performed by Vangelis. Women still have it bad in every Country, bro. Look at fact that the world's economy is in the toilet. Why? Men did it, with the greed of wanting to buy women by making more and more men. Sweden is one of the richest and most developed Countries because women are given equality. I predict that, as more women take the seats in Sweden, the rest of Europe will learn how women are far more natural when it comes to creating peace, and will remove from office all of the male politicians.
musemaj11 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Give far more education to women. Give far more money to women. Women must be compensated for all those many thousands of years of living under Man's repressing hand. I like some of your posts. But this is just beyond dumb.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I like some of your posts. But this is just beyond dumb. How so? Imagine that you go to the doctor with back pain, but you leave the doctor's office even worse. He did something to make your life worse. Don't you have the right to receive compensation?
waynebrady Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Yes, they should be compensated for all the wrong they suffered in the past. I'm speaking of all the oppression men have done to one another. Notice how men subjugate other men. Women don't do that. Women can live at peace with other women. Men have to be 'superior' to the other, all in the hopes of being closer to submitting women(harems, as an example). But THEY didn't suffer it, their ancestors did.
musemaj11 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) How so? Imagine that you go to the doctor with back pain, but you leave the doctor's office even worse. He did something to make your life worse. Don't you have the right to receive compensation? I deserve compensation from that particular doctor, not from his brother or grandson. Anyway, I read recently an article that says that women are hardwired to be gold diggers through evolution, and I agree with you that this is partially thanks to how men have been treating women like children in the past thousands of years. The same article also says that women have better sex with a rich man. Ill open a thread about this. Edited March 30, 2011 by musemaj11
kalikula Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 It sounds like he doesn't want to pay for you considering you guys haven't even kissed yet. I'm not sure if I really consider that dating after hanging so much and not having any physical connection yet (Not even sex but just kissing!), perhaps he feels the same way.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 But THEY didn't suffer it, their ancestors did. Every little benefit you enjoy, had it's birth in the past. You want the good, but you don't want to deal with the bad?
interfuse Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Why do you feel ENTITLED to be paid for? Makes you sound like a little princess. Maybe he RESPECTS you enough to let you pay for yourself. I personally find it sexist to be expected to pay for someone on a date. You're rude. Most women would be annoyed. In fact, I'm sure all women would be annoyed at some point. She is not acting like a princess at all. She just wants a guy who at least OFFERS to pay! She's not demanding anything. Jesus.
interfuse Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Sorry, I just read the whole thread. I agree with some of the responses here though. I mean I wouldn't know why a nice guy like him wouldn't want to pay for a girl. He sounds great, just lacking the maybe paying part. Maybe he might sense that you're not ready to be in a relationship? You said that you want to take it slow... so what I would do is just take it friendly with the guy. Pay your way for now and he pays his. I agree with that person that said lead by example pay for him. Not necessarily does it have to be treating him out or money wise. You don't just have to pay for him when you guys go out together. You can get him something small and surprise him when you see him. Or even better, why don't you make something for him? Show him that you appreciate your guys time together.
waynebrady Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Every little benefit you enjoy, had it's birth in the past. You want the good, but you don't want to deal with the bad? Your posts doesn't make any sense. By your backwards logic, todays Germans and Japanese should be punished for what their ancestors did in the WW2(I guess you were really ****in happy weren't you when the tsunami struck Japan), Todays Brits should be punished because their ancestors colonised damn near half the world, Todays Americans should be punished for what their ancestors did to the Native Americans... and so on and so on. Your logic is ridicilous.
Recommended Posts