Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) Hmm...maybe that's it...I know a lot of girls who say this is a huge deal breaker but I like this guy . I'll keep him around. I mean, it's already refreshing not having to pay for two people all the time! Btw, what do you mean by emotionally unavailable? Because I feel like I'm into him and giving him my time and being open with him. Edited March 30, 2011 by chelle21689
SummersEve Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Okay then, I didn't see that part. It sounds like you're not actually dating. I don't blame him then, he probably just doesn't want to end up feeling like a chump.
TheLoneSock Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Btw, what do you mean by emotionally unavailable? Because I feel like I'm into him and giving him my time and being open with him. Until being fresh out of a relationship no longer effects you, you are emotionally unavailable to him. And he knows this, because he is smart and he is a good guy. Spending time with him and being open with him doesn't have anything to do with emotional availability. Those are just basic, beginning necessities of functional dating.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Lets see here: You want him to pay your way. But you will not date him. This guy is doing the right thing.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 How are we not "dating"? We have romantic interest in eachother, we talk every night, we see eachother on weekends once or twice a week, he held my hand, lol so I guess we're just friends hanging out? He hasn't even asked me about a relationship or defined where we are heading.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 This guy is doing to you what you're doing to him. He's keeping you around for the company. You deserve it.
tigressA Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 How are we not "dating"? We have romantic interest in eachother, we talk every night, we see eachother on weekends once or twice a week, he held my hand, lol so I guess we're just friends hanging out? He hasn't even asked me about a relationship or defined where we are heading. You say you don't want a relationship yet...but you want him to talk to you about having a relationship/define where you're heading? /Sigh.
Kelemort Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You're not in a relationship with this guy. What is his obligation to pay for you? I have had mutual attractions with other men before but I would never expect them to pay for me. I don't even let male friends pay for me most of the time (unless they're gay) - if I think they're in any way possibly attracted to me, I turn it down and pay my own way. In a relationship, I think it's a good idea to keep things as split as possible. In my first relationship, my s/o made slightly more than I did but I paid 9 times out of 10, if not more ( -_-' ). That was totally a 'give' relationship and I got so sick of it and built up so much resentment toward him. I was glad to kick that guy to the curb. Frankly,the fact that he never paid, never offered to pay and looked like he was about to die when he paid made me very angry. I wasn't WORTH $10 or $15 every month or two...or three...or five (hahaha)? I was blowing so much of my money on that guy, and at several points in our relationship he made way more than I did! In my current relationship, we started off with a 50/50 split but admittedly he pays for more now. However, he also makes about 6 - 7 times more than I do a year and he can afford it. I offer to pay when I can, but it's understood between us that I don't have it. And that's what really matters. But in this case, you aren't exclusive. So he has no obligation to pay for you. If that ever changes and this behavior continues, especially since he appears to have a decent job, it's time to speak up. Of course, that also means that YOU should be paying for some meals too. If you want him to pay for you - maybe start the chain by paying for him first. I started out doing that.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You say you don't want a relationship yet...but you want him to talk to you about having a relationship/define where you're heading? /Sigh. You know it's bad when I agree with tigressA, because I ****ing dislike tigressA.
TheLoneSock Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You say you don't want a relationship yet...but you want him to talk to you about having a relationship/define where you're heading? /Sigh. This. It doesn't matter what he has or hasn't done, because you are not ready for it anyway AND it would not be a good idea regardless. You are not available to him in the ways he would need you to be in order to pursue a real relationship with you. He can sense this, I guarantee you. That is why he is keeping you at a distance. He sounds very mature for a 21 year old.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) I want us to slowly get to a relationship is what I'm saying. I'm not saying I WANT him to ask about where we are headed. I'm just mentioning that he hasn't asked so how would he know I'm not ready yet? Ya know? I like him a lot though Honestly, I'm glad I posted this question because this is the most informative feedback I've gotten and the MOST. It makes me have a much better understanding. Thanks everyone! Keep putting your thoughts down b/c I like different opinions. LMAO at Mr.Dream.. P.S. I still think $2 isn't too much to spend on someone...whether or not you feel they're emotionally unavailable! Edited March 30, 2011 by chelle21689
tigressA Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You know it's bad when I agree with tigressA, because I ****ing dislike tigressA. I'm definitely no fan of yours either. Good to know we're on the same page. Chelle, guys aren't stupid. Like TheLoneSock said, he does know without you having to say anything at all. That's why he hasn't talked to you.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 What do you mean he hasn't talked to me? Are you referring back to my old post? LOL He's been calling me every night since Sunday now...I guess he realized it seemed kinda clingy to call when you're out with the boys on a weekend night.
TheLoneSock Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I'm just mentioning that he hasn't asked so how would he know I'm not ready yet? He doesn't have to. Like I said many times before, he probably just knows. Guys can sense things just as girls can, we're all human. So good, keep taking things slowly. It seems to be what you both want anyway. Just do your best to not be hurt if he comes to the conclusion that he wants someone more available than yourself, that is always a possibility.
Thedude22 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Haha hard for me to be sympathetic, this is so common place for girls to do this that I think you'd hardly notice if you were a male. Granted, when a girl never even offers to pay after 2 dates, I usually decide not to see her anymore because regardless of gender, it's BS. Yet social conventions somehow make it ok for women to do it which makes no sense to me.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Hey like I said I paid for his beer
waynebrady Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You say you don't want a relationship yet...but you want him to talk to you about having a relationship/define where you're heading? /Sigh. It's all about getting an ego boost. It's the same when women want their boyfriend/husband to initiate sex just so they can reject him.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Wow, I wish people would read. It's not about an ego boost and I never said I wanted him to ask me about a relationship!!
Feelin Frisky Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I was going to say "he opens the door for you, what more do you want?" to tease but that's been ruined by some on this thread who seem to really take that attitude. I don't know what to say about this guy except he is a total tightwad. What other reason could there be for stinginess on that level. It DOES sound funny that you bought him a beer ONCE. But I can't know how it's been really going between you with the flow of funds. Anyway, it's theoretical that he's trying to establish a financial boundary of some kind to test you but who does that? It doesn't sound good. We do things for each other in relationships and if we can't do that then what's it all about? It's a privilege and pleasure to treat someone.
TheLoneSock Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I was going to say "he opens the door for you, what more do you want?" to tease but that's been ruined by some on this thread who seem to really take that attitude. I don't know what to say about this guy except he is a total tightwad. What other reason could there be for stinginess on that level. It DOES sound funny that you bought him a beer ONCE. But I can't know how it's been really going between you with the flow of funds. Anyway, it's theoretical that he's trying to establish a financial boundary of some kind to test you but who does that? It doesn't sound good. We do things for each other in relationships and if we can't do that then what's it all about? It's a privilege and pleasure to treat someone. Way to keep pace with the progress of the thread, man.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I was going to say "he opens the door for you, what more do you want?" to tease but that's been ruined by some on this thread who seem to really take that attitude. I don't know what to say about this guy except he is a total tightwad. What other reason could there be for stinginess on that level. It DOES sound funny that you bought him a beer ONCE. But I can't know how it's been really going between you with the flow of funds. Anyway, it's theoretical that he's trying to establish a financial boundary of some kind to test you but who does that? It doesn't sound good. We do things for each other in relationships and if we can't do that then what's it all about? It's a privilege and pleasure to treat someone. First... Not every guy has to conform to YOUR standards of paying in order to be quality. Crap, I've met guys that think paying means they have a right to do whatever is necessary to get laid. Besides... had you actually read a bit further you would realize they are not even dating... and she just got out of a relationship and doesn't want to date him right now... she just wants him to buy her stuff.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I really wish people would stop putting words in my mouth =\. I would like for us to progress into a relationship slowly and he is on that page with me. We both want to go slow. I don't WANT him to buy me stuff. That's not my goal. I just think it's polite to offer once in a while. I treated him to a drink at the bar. I like treating people sometimes...people that I like.
SummersEve Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I really wish people would stop putting words in my mouth =\. I would like for us to progress into a relationship slowly and he is on that page with me. We both want to go slow. I don't WANT him to buy me stuff. That's not my goal. I just think it's polite to offer once in a while. I treated him to a drink at the bar. I like treating people sometimes...people that I like. Chelle, I think that is what has got people confused. Some of us make a distinction between paying when you're dating and paying when you're not dating. It sounds like this relationship is in between friends and bf/gf, so then we'd have two different answers, or some would anyway. However, no you did not ever say you actually wanted to be wined and dined, but just that, as with anybody else, when you pay for a few rounds of beers and he never does, well, you wonder wth that means. Is that your meaning?
Kelemort Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 He sounds cheap, Chelle. You've paid for drinks for him before and he hasn't yet offered? Is it only once that you bought one (I think that's what you mentioned)? Maybe it's just slipped his mind since then to reciprocate. Do it one more time and see what happens. If he still doesn't offer, don't buy again.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I've always thought dating was what it was called before you're "Boyfriend and Girlfriend".
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