chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Give me good reasons why a guy would not pay for a girl EVER if he likes her and isn't broke? Not even something as cheap as $4. He has never offered to pay for me. I'm not a gold digger at all but I just never been with a guy that has never offered to pay. We've been talking every night, we see each other on the weekend, I know he is really into me, but he never pays for me. I'm not saying he should pay for something extravagant but little things count sometimes. I tried to hint at him it's okay to pay once in a while by buying him a beer at the bar once. Everything else about him is gentle man like. He opens doors for me, he waits for me, he initiates calls, he goes out of his way to pick me up, he's very polite, he waited a month to hold my hand LOL. We're not rushing because I just got out of a relationship a couple months ago. I don't get it! He's got a really good job. He seems to be financially stable. But even when I had a broke boyfriend he paid for little things SOMETIMES.
Fondue Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Why do you feel ENTITLED to be paid for? Makes you sound like a little princess. Maybe he RESPECTS you enough to let you pay for yourself. I personally find it sexist to be expected to pay for someone on a date.
SmileFace Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Because greed is his favorite sin? You humor me... :-)
GottaGetAway Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I feel sorry for men. Thanks to the way society has formed our expectations they're considered jerks if they don't pay. How long have you been seeing him, anyway? I find myself feeling guilty as hell because my bf always wants to go out for dinner, movies, etc and always pays...then pays for the wine we tend to get afterward, as well as the gas for driving me around. I started bringing wine over and offered to pay for it from now on. I can see myself being confused if a guy NEVER paid but that's only because I'm used to them jumping for the check. I don't think it's fair to expect men to pay for your food or whatever. I'm sure if you're with him long enough you'll get some gifts, and that should be enough.
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Lead by example and offer to buy his coffee sometime. I bet he'll return the gesture. If not, then I might start to be annoyed.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Wow, way to be judgmental. I'm not some prissy little princess that is greedy. I'm not saying that he has to pay for something expensive or pay all the time. It's just that not once has he even offered to pay for something that's as little as $3. I'm just curious because all the guys I have met always tried paying for me but I decline politely if I want them as friends.
aerogurl87 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Well if you paid for one of his beers and you've been going out for awhile, he should pay for something. That's just my opinion. I mean when my boyfriend and I first got together I paid for my plane ticket to go see him, which wasn't cheap. But he did buy me little things he could afford although he was pretty broke at the time. Either way, he may be a gentleman, but something about his behaviour has cheap written all over it and you can bet if the relationship continues long term he won't change.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I don't get it! He's got a really good job. He seems to be financially stable. But even when I had a broke boyfriend he paid for little things SOMETIMES. Ugh. If he is good with everything else then just stop. If it really drives you nuts... pay for him a few times and see how he responds.
SmileFace Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 my boyfriend . Congrats on the move to Canada :love:
TheLoneSock Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 When a man is not willing to part with treasure for your benefit, he does not like you. Unless of course you are giving him a negative vibe that is causing this behavior. It also depends on how long you have been dating. Personally, I am the frugal type - financial independence and hard work has made me this way. But that is one of the ways I can tell if I like a girl or not; whether or not it makes me feel good for taking care of her or providing her with security by parting with my resources. I get enjoyment out of it. However, if I feel that this kind of thing is expected, and that the girl assumes that I am going to pay for things for her, then the meaning is greatly lost for me and I am far less inclined to do so. It goes exactly along the same lines of the difference between a guy enjoying sex with you as long as you want it also, and a guy expecting sex from you. It is the same thing.
aerogurl87 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Congrats on the move to Canada :love: Thanks :)
EasyHeart Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Wow, way to be judgmental. I'm not some prissy little princess that is greedy. I'm not saying that he has to pay for something expensive or pay all the time. It's just that not once has he even offered to pay for something that's as little as $3. I'm just curious because all the guys I have met always tried paying for me but I decline politely if I want them as friends.The only reasons I can think of are: (1) He doesn't really think of you as a girlfriend; he is just killing time until he meets someone else, so he doesn't want to waste money on you. (2) He is trying to make some sort of political statement through the way he treats you. (3) He is an incredibly cheap bastard. None of them say anything good about him. The main issue here is that you seem to have very different ideas about money, and that's never a good thing in relationships.
threebyfate Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Men who are cheap with money, tend to be cheap in other ways within your relationship, like with time and emotion. If you want a generous man in all ways, then it's best to cut this one loose sooner, rather than later. As someone who gifts freely, I absolutely detest cheap men.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 When a man is not willing to part with treasure for your benefit, he does not like you. Unless of course you are giving him a negative vibe that is causing this behavior. It also depends on how long you have been dating. Personally, I am the frugal type - financial independence and hard work has made me this way. But that is one of the ways I can tell if I like a girl or not; whether or not it makes me feel good for taking care of her or providing her with security by parting with my resources. I get enjoyment out of it. However, if I feel that this kind of thing is expected, and that the girl assumes that I am going to pay for things for her, then the meaning is greatly lost for me and I am far less inclined to do so. It goes exactly along the same lines of the difference between a guy enjoying sex with you as long as you want it also, and a guy expecting sex from you. It is the same thing. This. The guy can probably sense that you're expecting to have your way paid for. That is a major turn off. I like parting with my cash for a woman who's company I enjoy as well, but if she's giving me the vibe that she's expecting it, lmao, she's paying for herself.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Well if you paid for one of his beers and you've been going out for awhile, he should pay for something. That's just my opinion. I mean when my boyfriend and I first got together I paid for my plane ticket to go see him, which wasn't cheap. But he did buy me little things he could afford although he was pretty broke at the time. Either way, he may be a gentleman, but something about his behaviour has cheap written all over it and you can bet if the relationship continues long term he won't change. Ditto on the reciprocation. The problem isn't that any women are entitled to be paid for, but if the gesture is/was there and one had paid for something, it's polite to proffer in kind. OP, while this is not a major red flag as of yet, you might want to overlook his lack of hospitality for now and enjoy his company. However, do look out for further signs of stinginess because any prolonged behaviour like this could carry over into a relationship. If he is not your cup of tea at the end of the day, find someone else who is more compatible.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I absolutely detest cheap men. How are you any better than the guys who say stuff like this?
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I know he works as an auto technician 54 hours a week at Lexus. He is only 21, he lives with his mom and pays half the rent, he has a really nice car (nissan skyline G35) and is soon getting a motorcycle. He even took his mom out to dinner a few weeks back and paid for her. I have a feeling he wants a relationship with me...I would like one with him later on but not right now because I need time since I just got out of a relationship a couple months ago.
O'Malley Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Continue to strictly go dutch, and offer to treat when you're in the mood to. Take note of how he treats others as well, both behaviorally and financially. Does he ever pay for outings with family or friends, or give of his time to assist someone? No one wants to be perceived as a constantly open wallet, but if he won't reciprocate and pay for a few drinks when you've previously treated, then he's likely incompatible with you on a few levels. As TBF mentioned, cheapness generally tends to carry over into other behaviors.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I don't see him treating his friend but I know he treated his mom to dinner once. But of course that's different...that's your mother! haha. He has a bunch of friends though that he is close with. Everyone seems to think highly of him.
TheLoneSock Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I have a feeling he wants a relationship with me...I would like one with him later on but not right now because I need time since I just got out of a relationship a couple months ago. Bingo. Why would he want to share his hard earned resources with a girl who isn't even emotionally available right now? You can't commit to him right now anyway, so you have no business expecting anything from him. You notice how he treats his mother (an important female in his life) well? He isn't cheap. He's smart.
Author chelle21689 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Well, I'm really into him but right now I can't commit. Maybe in a little while because I do see bf potential in him. But he doesn't know that I can't commit but he says that he won't rush me at all and we can take our time because I just got out of a relationship. He even held my hand one month after...which took forever. We haven't kissed yet either, I'm too shy haha. But I don't want to "dump" this guy because he's a good catch and every other dude would be groping me on the first date.
SummersEve Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 It strikes me as a few possibilities, mostly negative, imo: Aggressively opinionated about not having to pay any woman's way (bitter, no thanks). Not into you enough to waste a few bucks on you. Or cheap, petty, self-centered. It's also possible, as someone said, that he has been given the impression that women find that offensive or doesn't have any money, in spite of appearances. I just prefer an old-fashioned gentleman in certain ways. When my husband and I go out, he always pays. Well of course it makes no difference, it all comes out of the same account. It's not about the money. It's about... I don't know, style, I guess. It's what makes it a date. (If we're other places together, grocery store or whatever, I don't think twice about paying). If I was dating, I'm sure I would insist on treating him sometimes and cook for him at home and otherwise put in my share, not just get everything off him. So again, I don't mean cha-ching dollar score, (and I know you don't either, OP) but a style of manners that I like, being a gentleman.
TheLoneSock Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 But he doesn't know that I can't commit How do you know? Guys realize and sense far more things than we're given credit for. Sometimes we even play stupid. but he says that he won't rush me at all and we can take our time because I just got out of a relationship. Again, this is him being smart. But I don't want to "dump" this guy because he's a good catch and every other dude would be groping me on the first date. Well that is your prerogative. Regardless though you should understand where he stands on all this, I hope this has helped you approach that.
Recommended Posts