That_girl Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I'm a huge pickle. Some of you have read my posts about my current boyfriend...the basics are that he cheated on me once, and he is overly controlling and has the potential for abuse. He constantly is dissatisfied with me, even though he says he loves me and isn't. The other day he told me that I should stop going on Facebook and the like, and that I should read the news so I can keep up with him during a discussion on current events. Later on, when I expressed how much that comment pissed me off, I told him that I know that I'm intelligent- no matter how hard he tries to make me believe its not true. HE then responded with "Well maybe you should do something with it then!" Obviously, he is right. I'm not doing what I want to do, or anything important. I'm university educated and very insightful. I lack the money and motivation to take my bachelor's degree anywhere at this point because I am ridiculously in debt, work 44 hours a week at a boring job, and have alot of expenses and no support from parents or anyone else. He KNOWS that this is a huge, huge issue for me right now. I'm constantly depressed because of it....and he knows I have bills to pay and can't just quit my job and start fresh. He is doing what he wants to do, and also had help from his parents along the way with regard to education and such. Is he trying to be supportive or just a dick?? I feel like although I'm sensitive, this is grounds for pulling the plug on this once and for all.
JasonRules Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Hmm, let's see: First you said: "...the basics are that he cheated on me once, and he is overly controlling and has the potential for abuse. He constantly is dissatisfied with me, even though he says he loves me and isn't." And then you ask: "Is he trying to be supportive or just a dick??" My answer: Your boyfriend is a top notch douchbag, but hey if you think you can't do better than a douchebag who cheated on you, is overly controlling and have potential for abuse, then by all means you should stay with him. Your boyfriend sounds very precious and definitely has long term potential.
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Read what you typed over and over again, "the basics are that he cheated on me once, and he is overly controlling and has the potential for abuse. He constantly is dissatisfied with me, even though he says he loves me and isn't."
Author That_girl Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Well he made a mistake with the cheating and I was willing to forgive him because I've cheated on someone in the past and realize that people make mistakes. The fact is that I don't think he understands how his actions affect me. I think he is just used to dominant male roles....I've met his parents and family. Which is kind of what I'm wondering... is he trying to make me less confident by putting me down like that intentionally. I'm having problems understanding how the **** someone that supposedly loves you, would want to do that. I care about him, I'm a little confused right now. I KNOW I sound like an idiot.
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Everyone makes mistakes, but is he making up to his mistake? Based on what you said, he doesn't sound to be. He makes you feel not confident, is this what you want in a relationship? "I'm having problems understanding how the **** someone that supposedly loves you, would want to do that." He doesn't love you enough and maybe he doesn't even love you seriously. A person who loves you wholeheartedly will not put you down. You have to stop thinking why he is doing/saying this because the more you think about it, the more you feel terrible. Why seek to feel terrible, when you can seek for happiness and joy for yourself.
JasonRules Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Well he made a mistake with the cheating and I was willing to forgive him because I've cheated on someone in the past and realize that people make mistakes. The fact is that I don't think he understands how his actions affect me. I think he is just used to dominant male roles....I've met his parents and family. Which is kind of what I'm wondering... is he trying to make me less confident by putting me down like that intentionally. I'm having problems understanding how the **** someone that supposedly loves you, would want to do that. I care about him, I'm a little confused right now. I KNOW I sound like an idiot. I'm pretty dominant in terms of my personality, but I don't need to cheat on the woman I choose to be with, nor treat her like shvt. Do you know why? Because I do not have an inferiority complex, where I need to put others down to show myself I am above them in any way. Bottom line is this; you are allowing yourself to be someone's doormat. He treats you like garbage because you accept and allow it.
Author That_girl Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Well I don't know if he actually thinks I'm a doormat. Maybe he just figures that he's already cheated on me, and I didn't leave...so he can do whatever he wants to me...and I still won't leave. I don't know....I have given the same advice I would give myself to others on this forum in similar situations. But I'm realizing that how hard it is to finally leave when you have feelings, time etc. invested.
Fufu Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 That_girl: Maybe you can ask yourself this, "Do i want to waste more time and effort on someone who is doing this to me?" You felt you had invested so much time and feelings for this person, do you still want to do invest in your precious time and feelings for this person who is treating you like this and putting you in this situation?
Thatguyintx Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 But I'm realizing that how hard it is to finally leave when you have feelings, time etc. invested. Yes, but obviously that is not a reason to stay either. I think you know what the right choice is. You just need a nudge. So here you go.... {virtual nudge}
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