GottaGetAway Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 So on valentines day I met a great guy. Instant connection, hours of talking, daily emails, yadda yadda. We've been dating for about a month now. I am reasonable, of course, and I know I don't yet KNOW him. I don't yet trust him, but that may just be my own issues rising up. I'm extremely guarded and he has been very patient and understanding with this. I also tend to be defensive, though I keep it to myself. ie if I say something that I feel makes me vulnerable, I tend to freak out and withdraw/ignore him/etc. I'm working on it - just the fact that I've been able to open up a little bit is shocking and new in itself. Overall I'm extremely attracted to him. Anyway, so basically he's great. We get that. The problem is I've now hit the point where the urge to break up with him is there pretty much all the time. Every other day I'll make up my mind to do it - so far my best friend has talked me through it each time. But I know myself. Eventually something will happen and I'll just freak out and run the hell away. I don't want to ruin this! I'm guarded to the point that I often block out all emotion for days (as a child I was severely punished for crying and showing emotion, I guess it made them feel guilty). I know the simple answer is to just not do it, but hopefully we all realize that nothing is ever as simple or easy as it seems. The biggest issue is I can't stand to feel this way all the time. I'm constantly in a panic, constantly distancing myself to avoid falling in love. Though I think I already have. He claims he has also. How can I deal with this? Any advice is welcome, I just want to stop feeling this way. It's torturous.
Hules Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Sound like my ex tbh :\ I loved her to bits but she was afraid of getting close most of the time but she did open up eventually. Then she got scared and ran thinking it would solve her problems. From what I hear through the grapevines shes not doing so great at the moment and that doesn't make me happy. My question is why are you so afraid of falling for this guy? Are you afraid of getting hurt?
Author GottaGetAway Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I'm sorry about your ex. That is exactly what I DON'T want to do to people anymore. To add, I have never, ever been dumped. It's always been me cutting things off. I am afraid of getting hurt, yes. I think I'm also afraid to feel - again, feelings were strongly discouraged in my family so I think this may have something to do with it. Also, the last time I fell hard for a guy (4 years ago, I'm 21) he turned out to be psycho. Like, actually psycho. The reason I feel for him was mainly because he drugged and brainwashed me. So I also have an inclination to distrust my feelings and as such shove them aside, I guess.
Von Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Hey, you only live once. Why the hell are you gunna waste your time being guarded and acting like a commitment phobe, when you can open up and get something great to have before it's too late. Besides, if you get hurt, the experience just makes you stronger.
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