rebeccajones Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I've been broken up with my ex, seems like forever since last Sep, but we saw each other in November and December. I've been good and moving on but miss him. Unfortunately he is friends with a close family member and he is around more than usual. I even went to an event with my family member and knew he was meeting him there. Anyway I find that when I see him I am angry at him because he thinks its ok to be around me and at the same time I so want us to be like we were before. The next day I went to his place, we havent talked in 3 months so I'm there we watch TV I spend that night but will not get physical, did not. I tell him I care I love him. All he says is that we can hang out and see if he gets his feelings back. We had kind of a mutual break up nothing really bad. But he also says he always leaves women at the 2 yr mark and maybe its just him. Also he is not in a good place at all financially or emotionally. So it seems fine, be friends, but inside it really hurts me that he is not mine, that he is not wanting me or making me a priority, that he has another life and is single and able and willing to screw around. I too am single and am talking to and dating people but I want his love back our love back. I know that we were happy. The problem is I don't feel good when I'm with him or when I was with him now because I want so much more and I don't know if it is possible for someone to open their heart again after a break up. I don't know if I should send him friendly emails or just leave him alone.
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 It's the last day of March 2011, as much as you feel that it seems like forever to you, everyday passes, every seconds pass as you are typing you Loveshack forum, the time passes. You have to heal yourself first, which is why going No Contact is so essential for your own well being recovery. As long as he doesn't make any sincere action to you that he wants to be with you again, work things out with you, be there for you no matter what, you don't make any initiations of contacts to him. The only person you need to initiate contact is yourself. When I was forsaken by my ex, I looked in the mirror and told myself, I don't need to wake up with red and swollen eyes I don't need to look like I have died a million times. I don't need to put myself down, you left me, it's your own choice. I make my own choice to make myself smile and be happy.
Author rebeccajones Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Yea you are right he is not sincere. It is hard because I see him more than I'd like and hear of him too and I hold on.
Author rebeccajones Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I asked him to come to dinner sometime or to grab a coffee he said he would. But yea I feel weird doing all the asking.
No_hope Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 . When I was forsaken by my ex, I looked in the mirror and told myself, I don't need to wake up with red and swollen eyes I don't need to look like I have died a million times. I don't need to put myself down, you left me, it's your own choice. I make my own choice to make myself smile and be happy. I 100% agree with this! I just came to a realization I am a great person and my ex is missing out on one heck of a woman! Why? because men get bored! Just about every man (or should I say boy) gets bored and they always seem to think there is better. As you said he seems to leave a the 2 year mark - why? because he gets bored after 2 years. You shouldn't wait for him to get feelings back, because what will happen if and when he does get feelings back? how long will they last? I say go out and better yourself! re-decorate your house, start taking yoga, eat healthier, go on hikes, go out into the world and LIVE. Let this guy be, obviously he gets bored with everyone at some point, and YOU need to go out and have fun. when he sees the new and exciting you, maybe he will decide to come crawling back, BUT DON'T CONTACT HIM.
Author rebeccajones Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Its so freakin hard to let go. I am happy in alot of ways!! It's just gosh we had something SO freaking good and I miss it but yea he doesn't. Hard to hear know and follow the truth.
No_hope Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Its so freakin hard to let go. I am happy in alot of ways!! It's just gosh we had something SO freaking good and I miss it but yea he doesn't. Hard to hear know and follow the truth. Oh trust me I know how you feel! my ex and I were so great together, we had a really good relationship, we never really fought, we did everything together, we even have a baby together, and then he cheated on me, left me for another girl. Why? because he was either scared about getting married (broke up with me 6 weeks before our wedding) or he decided "this life style" we where living raising kids together, he didn't want anymore. Ran off with the little whore too, and she dumped him. Haha now he is homeless, and no one cares about him. what I am trying to say is. He doesn't care about you and your feelings (I know... it hurts) so why should you care about someone who doesn't care about you? YOU should care about YOU. If he is bored now after 2 years, how do you expect him to want to stay with you for the next 70 years? go make your life interesting, go be happy, do everything YOU want to do in life. Go to some projects like... help stop global warming, or stop animal cruelty. Maybe go plant a garden, or go to a hippie concert - just because. go swimming. Go on a road trip to the beach alone. Go to museums. ANYTHING. There is so much more to life then wasting it on a loser who doesn't want you. Go make YOUR life fun, exciting, and let this guy sit on his butt and be bored. understand?! I will virtually shake some nonsense into your head (lol).
Author rebeccajones Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I lost my last reply. Hard to believe how people can be. It's life, it hurts and we get through it in time. I want to get through this. I'm a ball of emotions and can be very reflective. I hope all this makes me kinder not bitter. Hope you are good to thanks to both of you!
Author rebeccajones Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Beleive me I also know what you are saying I have been having fun doing alot of fun stuff. It's just when I see him I break down! I'm slowly getting back to myself again.
Fufu Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 rebeccajones: You felt it is hard to let go because you are constantly telling yourself it is hard to let go. When you start to think that you can let go, you can do it. You will be back to the joyful and cheerful person again
Author rebeccajones Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I am letting go. We are supposed to go to an event tomorrow with friends so we shall see how that goes. I'm starting to think I can be friends with him and move on with my life. For example I imagine him trying to talk to someone else and I'm ok with it or me meeting and falling for someone. But I'm not 100% sure. We were in NC for 4 months and I was moving on. I would rather be alone w/o him than be hurt with him at this point. I'm keeping my distance but I am still afraid I'm setting myself up for hurt or it could be positive and genuine and friendly. Being with him is weird. Half the time I'm looking forward to a good time half the time I'm afraid he will hurt me!
Eddie Edirol Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 hey Rebecca have you ever dumped a guy from a loss of attraction? Do you remember who he is, and do you think you could ever get that butterflies in your stomach from him again? prolly not right? Thats how your ex feels now. Maybe he didnt tell you why, but some things about you killed his attraction, and right now he has no desire to start with you again. he can barely say maybe. he definitly wasnt as into your relationship as you were. So you cannot win his heart, he doesnt want you to.
Author rebeccajones Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 Yea u know he lost it but I think it's a little more than butterflies for me I never had butterflies with him. I'm not looking for butterflies just a mutual attraction and love. But yea there are people that desire me and I have no feeling for them and it annoys me when they bug me. No matter what anyone says I have to be the one to let go. He really has nothing to offer me but himself and all the memories.
Jerrica Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 I'd have to disagree with Eddie. I think in a relationship, feelings come and go. You can't sustain that butterfly feeling FOREVER and I think that's where some people are mistaken. They expect their feelings of love to be there everyday, but this is impossible. just my opinion...
Fufu Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 "I am letting go. We are supposed to go to an event tomorrow with friends so we shall see how that goes. I'm starting to think I can be friends with him and move on with my life. For example I imagine him trying to talk to someone else and I'm ok with it or me meeting and falling for someone. But I'm not 100% sure. We were in NC for 4 months and I was moving on. I would rather be alone w/o him than be hurt with him at this point. I'm keeping my distance but I am still afraid I'm setting myself up for hurt or it could be positive and genuine and friendly. Being with him is weird. Half the time I'm looking forward to a good time half the time I'm afraid he will hurt me!" Feels to me you have not exactly letting go. Of course, i guess this is up to personal individual to think Previously, I felt I could be friends with my ex bf too as I imagined also that he fell for someone else or talk to another person. However, when I met him and went out with him (a silly mistake I made), I felt that I couldn't stop feeling feeling and thinking what if he hurt me again, it was totally weird and felt certain uncomfortable. I realized I couldn't be friends with him because of the situation me and my ex bf were in. I will usually advice dumpees not to meet their exes when your heart still have romantic feelings for them because being with them the whole day you will just feel very weird and uncomfortable. However, I do know you will be fine, all the best and be happy
Author rebeccajones Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Thanks guys. I / we did have a good time. He was nice to me. This was the second time we met after 4 months. The first was more uncomfortable and I had alot of pent up feelings. I am not sure what will come of this. It's hard to know. I do think that since I had some time to work on myself it has helped in being able to communicate with him without getting too freaked out. But I have to be careful not to pressure him and let him be and not get into a negative state of mind and realize I have a great life with or without him. Alot for me to keep in mind. I will keep LS posted. Send positive prayers my! Thanks I will do the same!
valpre Posted April 4, 2011 Posted April 4, 2011 Hey Rebecca, I might be mistaken, but if I remember correctly, isn't this the guy who doesn't foresee marriage or full-term commitment to you in his future? Apologies if I'm mistaken, but if I'm right, then aren't those the important issues to keep in mind. What he wants, and what you want are entirely different things, has any of that changed? Anyhow, I'm thinking of you and sending happy vibes your way - I've been in a similar situation and know how tough it can be. Try not to focus all your energy on him, you need to open up a space for other guys who appreciate you to enter into your life.
Author rebeccajones Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Valpre yes I left him over marriage and other things. It's just been tough I'm older and just feel that we had a good thing I hate to let it go. I know I need to see the reality. I do love him. Also all the guys I have met I just don't like! None compare in my eyes to him. Alot have been liars. Id rather just be with my ex and build a life even without marriage or not worrying about it. Thanks I am continuing to work on ME. Praying too.
Author rebeccajones Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 I went out with my ex again this weekend. We had a pretty good time. It's just that we are not officially back together we are not boyfriend and girlfriend and that is what I want. I have slept with him and in my opinion I don't want to sleep with someone who is not my boyfriend. We are doing all the things couples do but when we are together I don't feel the closeness that we had before. He really does not express his feelings. When he dropped me off I told him that I want a partner someone that is with me and we are there for each other. He says let's see how things go. He is getting his life on track needs to find a job and some other serious issue. Of course I have things going on too in my life I need to take care of also. I want us to be back together helping each other through everything being there for each other. He wants to continue going out spending time together in a way I'm glad to but I'm like I want a boyfriend. I'm thinking if I have to let go again. I need to be alone. Dating just makes me more miserable. I was NC for 3 months then we saw each other a few times he was closed to having any relation with me, then I went NC for 4 months ran into him and it all started again. I had been and am doing good. But he is around and I hear about him alot and what he is doing so I never completely let go. There are so so many things that I miss about him. It really hurts so much when I am not with him. We are good together in alot of ways but maybe he is just not the type to give what I need. F'ing Suks.
Author rebeccajones Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 (edited) I need advice. I have been dating my ex. Things are sometimes good. I mean I'm happy we are close and spending time together and that he calls, invites me to dinner and we do things together. But we are not official. Which is kind of ok. I have been a litlle perturbed because he decided to leave for a few days to visit a relative, which I can understand he needed to do. It's just I thought of spending time with him also I wasn't invited until I said something and he did say he wanted me to come but I cant anyway. It's just part of me feels he doesn't care. Although I know where he is going and know we will be together Sunday. It's just I'm vulnerable I think. Now I'm thinking I need to get over it and enjoy my time without him and live my life. I don't want my life on hold and he has so many problems but I still love who he is. Wrote this on my phone. Edited April 20, 2011 by rebeccajones
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