ConfusedGuy23 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Ok so my back story short for those that dont know. I broke up with the ex gf of 4 and a half years as I was going through a bit of G.I.G.S but mainly commitment issues about 5 months ago. I tried to win her back a few months later after staying in LC with her as i realised i love her very much. Problem is she met someone a month after we met, Now even though she had met him she still would keep in contact with me and vice versa. 2 months ago she made it official and started dating him......is this a rebound? I dont see how she could possible have gotten over the hurt that quick and be ready to date someone. Because I cant imagine seeing anyone else right now. I have tried to win her back firstly before i knew how serious she was about the new guy. Originally she told me it was nothing serious so i believed her. After that didnt really work i went into No Contact for a month or so. I then dropped her off something special which explained myself and poured out how i made a mistake and still love her very much, which was probably 3 weeks ago now. I basically have received no kind of contact other than when we texted on her birthday. I miss her terribly, not because she is in a relationship with someone else. Seriously. I have thought it over, is it my ego talking? Is it that my ego has been bruised and I cant take it? The answer is no. The answer is I feel like this girl is the one. The girl i want to marry. We never had any rocky times apart from the break-up. I have been doing all the classic things, working on myself and keeping busy and putting myself out there, but I cant seem to move on, I cant seem to grasp the thought that i messed up so bad and i will never get to hold her again. I miss her terribly, every day, every moment. The guilt of ruining something, where when i was breaking up with her even she said ' i thought we were going to get married', overwhelms me. I feel like this silly decision i made has changed my life in such a bad and monumental way. I still love her very much, i just needed to get myself right and figure out what i really wanted. The fog has lifted and I do want her. I always did but i guess i now know 100%. What do i do now? I know most will say move on and NC, i have been doing that. Its not that hard to do. I just feel in my situation im not sure its the best course of action. Ride out the rebound? If indeed it is a rebound, man i hope it is. I miss her.
JasonRules Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 It's good you admit to making a mistake, but you have to understand that the wounds are too fresh for your ex and she is probably angry by your behavior and her pride is hurt. If I were you, I would make your feeling known one last time and then just disappear. She's with another guy right now and she's probably going to give him a chance, but if what you had with her were "true", then she will be back because she will start missing you. First though you need to separate yourself from her. And next time, you need to appreciate what you have and not take her for granted.
Author ConfusedGuy23 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Thanks for the advice Jason You still think she will be hurting? Its been 5 and a bit months since the split. 2 and a bit months since we stopped contacting. Her last emails were long but the essence was that she still loves me and wants to be with me but for the near future she is hurt and cannot at this time. At first I was like thats okay and took her for her word. Now i feel like it could just be a lie so she could either let me down easy or give her time to try things with this new guy. Im so unsure at this time. The more time that passes I just feel like its all slipping away. I feel like the last thing i did was the 'grand gesture' to let her know i was still thinking about her and still loved her. I pretty much placed it all on the line. I didnt hear. Maybe Ive just hurt her too much and she doesnt want to give me another shot right now. Like i said though im so torn, my rational mind says leave it and let her miss you. My emotional mind says try again and again and again. You are right if I ever got another shot I would marry her and never leave her again. Ive learned such a painful lesson from it, maybe a neccesary one but a painful one all the same. Tonight was actually pretty tough. I cooked a meal thatwe used to make together all the time, for the first time since the break up. Making it for just me just got me down and I missed how she used to hug me when we cooked together, I got real vivid flashbacks of how she used to do that. When I was standing there just by myself and it upset me heaps. Funny how the little things you miss the most.
Popondetta Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hey you! I really feel for you, but I really feel for her as well (I was recently dumped by my ex becasuse he had commitment issues). I really don't know what would be the best for you to do right now, but you write that you have already tried to win her back about 3 weeks ago. I think for your healing the best thing to do is NC. However if you still feel that you haven't explained to her enough things like..; WHY you broke up with her, WHY you want her back, WHY you love her, WHY you think you are great for eachother, WHAT this periode without her has made you realize etc, WHY you would never dump her again WHAT you have learnt from the mistake you made ....then I think maybe it would be good for you to writer her a handwritten letter saying all the things that you think and feel. At least you'll know that she knows how you think and feel. If you do this, make sure you emphasize that you don't want her back just because she's seeing someone else. She is very hurt from what you did, so she needs a good reason to go back to you. Why go back to someone who hurt you badly when you can be with someone new who's never hurt you. So you need to explain yourself and your motives. DON'T expect a reply to the letter, just try to find peace of mind by knowing that she knows, and that she will come back some day if she feels you are right for eachother. AGAIN: This is just my opinion. I just think that maybe you'll be able to find peace of mind when you know you've tried everything (I would never recommend this to someone who got dumped, but since you dumped her in the first place I think it's ok for you to try this). If you choose to write a letter, make sure you think it through and get down everything you need to...cause it would't be cool to writer her another one the next day when you realize that you missed something) Some tips for the letter: Don't beg her to come back, don't come across needy or desperate, just make it clear that you made a huge mistake and that you regret it and explai why you regret it. Say sorry for hurting her. Make it clear that you wish her the best no matter what the future holds for her/you. Go straight into NC after the letter (if you send it). If you've already told her all of these things, then don't write her a letter, just continue NC. There's probably many people here at LS that will disagree with me on writing a letter, and I understand where they're coming from. I totally agree with the NC-rule, but in some cases I think the most important thing is to explain yourself one "last" time before NC, if you haven't already explained everything.. I wish you the best of luck! If you have the time please read my thread and give me any feedback if you can....; http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269768/
love is dangerous Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 typical , guy gets too comfortable in relationship , takes her for granted , but when she finds someone else wants them back . if she was crying and upset over the breakup still i bet you you wouldnt want her back . i can sympthaise with you though because i did the same thing. its so much more hurtful than if they had dumped you cause you know you messed it up. your going to have to ride the rebound out which is what i did.if you keep pushing her right now you will push her away so much more . TRUST ME take it from me. do no contact her let her contact you . youve hurt her so she will do anything to kick you when your down if you show signs of being upset.
Popondetta Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I do agree with "love is dangerous". I think when somebody who once loved us has moved on to somebody else it does something to our egos. Normally it's hardest for the dumpee cause they've already been hurt by getting dumped, but the dumper probably also get a wake-up call once the dumpee moves on. (I'm the dumpee and I'd love to find someone new to stop thinking about my ex and to make him want me back..I know, it's not the right way to think). ConfusedGuy23: Do whatever makes you feel the best in the long run. If you feel you need to get something off your chest then do it, but if you think you can't handle a negative reply og no reply at all then stick to NC. You'll probably hear from her once you've moved on yourself.
love is dangerous Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I do agree with "love is dangerous". I think when somebody who once loved us has moved on to somebody else it does something to our egos. Normally it's hardest for the dumpee cause they've already been hurt by getting dumped, but the dumper probably also get a wake-up call once the dumpee moves on. (I'm the dumpee and I'd love to find someone new to stop thinking about my ex and to make him want me back..I know, it's not the right way to think). ConfusedGuy23: Do whatever makes you feel the best in the long run. If you feel you need to get something off your chest then do it, but if you think you can't handle a negative reply og no reply at all then stick to NC. You'll probably hear from her once you've moved on yourself. yea Popondetta when the ex was still crying and wanting to be with me i felt oh ive still got her under my wing and subconciously knew she was still there , but when she got with someone else i realised she was actually gone which was my wake up call, and confused guy if you tell her your feelings i dont think its gonna change anything if she already knows , shes got a new guy why she should go back . Popondetta if you find a new guy no matter how much your ex begs i better you will wanna see how the new relationship pans out first after the way he just dumped you and hurt you .
Popondetta Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 yea Popondetta when the ex was still crying and wanting to be with me i felt oh ive still got her under my wing and subconciously knew she was still there , but when she got with someone else i realised she was actually gone which was my wake up call, and confused guy if you tell her your feelings i dont think its gonna change anything if she already knows , shes got a new guy why she should go back . Popondetta if you find a new guy no matter how much your ex begs i better you will wanna see how the new relationship pans out first after the way he just dumped you and hurt you . Yeah! Agree. That's what I'm thinking too. "You don't know what you got till it's gone....and you only realize it's gone once it's dating somebody else". It depends but I think I would try with the new guy before going back to someone who hurt me. But that also depends how the person who hurt me treated me after the breakup and what he did to win me back. He would have to work for it!
Author ConfusedGuy23 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Cheers for all the input, As for what Im going to do, and after careful thought its best to just move on. I actually wish her nothing but happiness and hope she is doing well and living well. I'll just let time play its part and see what happens. So many other things are going well for me at the moment, got sponsorship today for a business I am starting so that was pretty awesome. Also will be catching up with a girl i met out a few weeks ago when she gets back from her trip. Shes an extremely cute girl and looks like she has potential so we'll see what happens there. Cheers again.
Ginger Beer Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 In my opinion, I think you're a bit of a dick for chasing a girl in a relationship, ex or not. No offense but just what I think.
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