BrokenFool Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Guys quick recap , was with my ex for 3 years , split up with me 150 times over anything and everything, stuff said on the phone, not having the same opinion as her, i dont love you anymore, ive lost my feelings for you, you suspect me ( which i did and was proved accurate) etc etc all the times i was the sole person apart from maybe 5 times to contact try fix things apologise and get us back together my question was IF she is with somebody else now ( and she has told me she is even though i think its not true) am i naive to think that somebody who doesnt want to work on a relationship, plays mind games, is cruel, selfish and hypocritical and has insecurities - will be able to jump into this relationship and just be happy ever after ? she said 8 weeks ago i am 90% perfect for her but the 10% that i suspect her she cant take admitted she had feelings for me and we had met in November and had sex and spent the night together did NC for 55 odd days stupidly contacted her to be shot down in flames she wasnt indifferent with me acted like she hated me what are the chances of her new relationship working and/or her seeing her wrongs in our relationship and feeling the guilt for how she treated me ?
JusChill Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Honestly speaking...you have too much time on your hands, move on, stop living in the past.
Author BrokenFool Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I didnt ask the question to get shot down in flames by you I am a busy person with a full time job and a masters, im just hurting and trying to find answers if you cant appreciate that maybe you shouldnt be on here
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You have done 55 days of NC, the reason you didn't pull through was you gave in to your a moment of temptation to contact her and everything goes back to the beginning stage of being hurt again. Start your NC again, if you can do it once up to 55 days, you can do it better the 2nd time. Unless, you want to remain in the stage where you keep wondering what she is feeling and thinking and not sparing a thought for yourself. You can always continue what you are doing now. Ultimately, you choose how you want to live your life.
Author BrokenFool Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Fufu - thanks for your input I appreciate it , absolutely agree with what you are saying and I am finding NC easier second time round, this time i wont break it trouble was i got a new job which would involve working in her area, so i broke NC to see if she would speak with me which she wouldnt, i asked have you got somebody else and she said yes which i know for 80% fact thru mutual friends isnt the truth my question was the problems in our relationship which were down to HER will she have the same issues in her next relationship for her to see how wrong she is ? i texted/emailed/called pleaded for a chance to just speak she ignored me like i was the devil - will she regret this one day cos i stuck by her through thick and thin
lapse Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) I think one of our (as people who love) biggest and most universal mistakes is making excuses for another person. We start manufacturing valid reasons for why the things they do or fail to do. People are, by nature, fickle and ever-changing. It's the human experience. Some of that is ok, but when a person's fickleness gets to the point at which it is deeply affecting your emotional and physical well-being, it's time to stop accepting. If you cannot maintain your well-being with her in your life, the answer is clear - let her go. And let *her* worry about what she does and why. It always hurts to hear that when the last thing you want to do is let her go. You're among friends, though, and I wish you the best and wish you, above all, strength and new adventures. ETA: am i naive to think that somebody who doesnt want to work on a relationship, plays mind games, is cruel, selfish and hypocritical and has insecurities - will be able to jump into this relationship and just be happy ever after ? "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." -Maya Angelou Edited March 30, 2011 by lapse
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Fufu - thanks for your input I appreciate it , absolutely agree with what you are saying and I am finding NC easier second time round, this time i wont break it trouble was i got a new job which would involve working in her area, so i broke NC to see if she would speak with me which she wouldnt, i asked have you got somebody else and she said yes which i know for 80% fact thru mutual friends isnt the truth my question was the problems in our relationship which were down to HER will she have the same issues in her next relationship for her to see how wrong she is ? i texted/emailed/called pleaded for a chance to just speak she ignored me like i was the devil - will she regret this one day cos i stuck by her through thick and thin You are most welcome Congrats on getting a new job I think maybe you misunderstood the purpose of NC. Do you take NC as an opportunity for her to come back? Don't, take NC for yourself to recover fully. We won't know if they will ever come back to us, they may or may not. However, do you enjoy living your life every single day wondering whether she will come back? It's very mentally exhausting and I believe you have come to feel it that way if not you will not be in this forum posting your issue. Whatever she's doing now has really nothing to do with you anymore and it same goes to whatever you are planning for your life now and future, it has no longer got to do with her anymore. If she truly cherish what she had with you, then the break up will not come. You may wish to read one of my thread on how to get into the NC Mood. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271118/
Author BrokenFool Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Fufu - Trust me when I say I am not doing NC for her to come back although i do wish and hope that one day I may get an apology and acknowledgment that she was to blame for a lot of my insecurities and wasnt fair on me she has told me to stay away etc mainly because its her belief we will never work full stop and by talking to me again we will get talking and i will persuade her to give us another shot and the cycle will be repeated so she is trying to break the cycle and has either got somebody else or has used the excuse she has somebody else so i wont contact her my question is - ANY insecurities, wrong attitude, selfishness she exhibited with me will she do the same in the next relationship or will she live happy ever after ? i was a rebound for her im sure of it so this next guy might be a rebound from me i know i am the only one who can make this stop but the questions in my head drive me crazy
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 "my question is - ANY insecurities, wrong attitude, selfishness she exhibited with me will she do the same in the next relationship or will she live happy ever after ? i was a rebound for her im sure of it so this next guy might be a rebound from me i know i am the only one who can make this stop but the questions in my head drive me crazy" My answer to you is, I really don't know and I have 0 idea of what will happen in her next and future relationship. You won't know too and it's pointless to find out if this will eventually happen or not. You have to start changing the way you think. I know it's hard, but no matter how hard it is, you have to do it. You will rather be doing whatever it takes to heal yourself and be happy again than to put yourself in the past wondering this and that about her and her future.
No_hope Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 will she regret this one day cos i stuck by her through thick and thin if you where a truly great guy to her, then YES she will! It looks like she tried taking advantage of you though. Just enjoy being single, better yourself, work out, do things you would never do. and when she does come sniffing around, tell her "no thanks" and when she comes back again go "sorry, I don't think so". And then when she comes back again (trust me if she really wants to be with you, she wont take no for an answer). You say "things need to change in our relationship" and go from there.
Author BrokenFool Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 I do believe I was a great guy with her - what i did wrong i will admit after 15 months of dumpings, her dropping my calls at night, disappearing for nights and saying she had taken meds which had knocked her out I went thru her phone whilst she was in the shower, saw a text from a guy i 100% knew was her ex ( but she had denied 7 times swearing on her nieces life he wasnt) so i checked her phone bills and boom she had been on the phone with him every night, sending him mms messages ( which werent nude yeah ? ) etc so i confronted her and she broke down and said she had hidden it from me cos she didnt want to lose me ( after dumping me about 60 times by now) - she saw this as an invasion of her privacy she promised not to speak to him a few weeks later i said you been speaking to him on your work phone havent you, she assumed i had checked her work phone bill and admitted it so i started mistrusting her ONLY because a) she had hidden it for 15 months b) the amount she stayed in touch with him despite him having a new girlfriend which she knew about they would ring each other private number so she wouldnt cotton on c) he was her ex whom she was with 5 years and lost her virginity to so made me feel insecure d) the dumpings would continue - basically she dumped me for not being able to get over it fast enough or mentioning it after an argument where she would ignore me that she hadnt ignored her other ex yet how could she ignore me next mistake whilst being dumped for 5 weeks a girl hit me up on facebook and we had a horny chat - i didnt see this as wrong as we were no longer together, she acted like i had cheated on her next mistake she added a guy on facebook, told me he fancied her etc, when i said be careful what you write to him she dumped me, they were exchanging messages on facebook like lovesick puppys and in may when i called him ugly she dumped me again and did not speak to me for my whole birthday so i thought i wanna check this guy out see if he really is 19 like she tells me and what hes all about, created a girls facebook account and added him, she clicked and held that against me and then when she had broken up with me a FEW times and had ignored 100s of my messages and calls and was on a matrimonial site i would text her and ask have you met somebody from that site , is that why you cant reply to me ?? that is ALL i did wrong if you want a glimpse of the good i did how about driving up 300 miles on my birthday to spend 30 mins with her on her birthday , spending over a thousand pounds on presents for her, a rose with her name engraved on it, a designer birthday cake shaped like a handbag, wrapping paper with our picture on it etc - she got back with me after this and then dumped me 2 days later dont get me wrong i pray she never darkens my life ever again i suppose all im asking is do you guys think she will get whats coming to her and learn a valuable lesson in life any little problem in a relationship and she runs , she doesnt compromise, doesnt listen to explanations doesnt think she may be wrong she just cuts loose and runs, ignores all form of contact until it suits her - will she do this in the next relationship ?
Author BrokenFool Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 I do believe I was a great guy with her - what i did wrong i will admit after 15 months of dumpings, her dropping my calls at night, disappearing for nights and saying she had taken meds which had knocked her out I went thru her phone whilst she was in the shower, saw a text from a guy i 100% knew was her ex ( but she had denied 7 times swearing on her nieces life he wasnt) so i checked her phone bills and boom she had been on the phone with him every night, sending him mms messages ( which werent nude yeah ? ) etc so i confronted her and she broke down and said she had hidden it from me cos she didnt want to lose me ( after dumping me about 60 times by now) - she saw this as an invasion of her privacy she promised not to speak to him a few weeks later i said you been speaking to him on your work phone havent you, she assumed i had checked her work phone bill and admitted it so i started mistrusting her ONLY because a) she had hidden it for 15 months b) the amount she stayed in touch with him despite him having a new girlfriend which she knew about they would ring each other private number so she wouldnt cotton on c) he was her ex whom she was with 5 years and lost her virginity to so made me feel insecure d) the dumpings would continue - basically she dumped me for not being able to get over it fast enough or mentioning it after an argument where she would ignore me that she hadnt ignored her other ex yet how could she ignore me next mistake whilst being dumped for 5 weeks a girl hit me up on facebook and we had a horny chat - i didnt see this as wrong as we were no longer together, she acted like i had cheated on her next mistake she added a guy on facebook, told me he fancied her etc, when i said be careful what you write to him she dumped me, they were exchanging messages on facebook like lovesick puppys and in may when i called him ugly she dumped me again and did not speak to me for my whole birthday so i thought i wanna check this guy out see if he really is 19 like she tells me and what hes all about, created a girls facebook account and added him, she clicked and held that against me and then when she had broken up with me a FEW times and had ignored 100s of my messages and calls and was on a matrimonial site i would text her and ask have you met somebody from that site , is that why you cant reply to me ?? that is ALL i did wrong if you want a glimpse of the good i did how about driving up 300 miles on my birthday to spend 30 mins with her on her birthday , spending over a thousand pounds on presents for her, a rose with her name engraved on it, a designer birthday cake shaped like a handbag, wrapping paper with our picture on it etc - she got back with me after this and then dumped me 2 days later dont get me wrong i pray she never darkens my life ever again i suppose all im asking is do you guys think she will get whats coming to her and learn a valuable lesson in life any little problem in a relationship and she runs , she doesnt compromise, doesnt listen to explanations doesnt think she may be wrong she just cuts loose and runs, ignores all form of contact until it suits her - will she do this in the next relationship ?
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Author BrokenFool Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Whilst I appreciate ALL replies I get I would like to read and be able to understand what is being said
Fufu Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 You are welcome Except from haizorgogialk, I have 0 idea what he/she saying. >_<
Author BrokenFool Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Broke NC again just had to tell her I love her always will and I hope she finds it in her heart to at least speak to me again one day it hurts so much , shes on my mind day and night and i miss her terribly but there is nothing i can do anymore in my heart in my mind in my soul I have let go
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Okay, you have broken NC. Please start again....... don't even bother feeling if she will ever talk to you. Focus on YOURSELF. You had paid too much attention on her.
SingVoice Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Brokenfool...this girl sounds like someone you want to AVOID. She ignored you on your birthday?? Seriously...even if you are fighting with someone...you show up for the important days. You know why she kept breaking up with you? Because YOU ALLOWED her to. You allowed her to break up with you OVER and OVER and keep coming back. She obviously LOVES to be chased... So if I were you I would RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN from this girl. DO NOT contact her again. Do you really want to be with someone who is going to dump you because maybe you sneezed the wrong way???
Author BrokenFool Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 SingVoice - Your so right and I always believed it was wrong of her to do that the year before for her birthday i made so much effort and she didnt even get me a birthday card she is the one person who has treated me the worst in my life YET my heart still yearns for her i think ive given her enough chances, sacrificed and compromised enough whilst she has remained flakey and used the we dont work together or we were over a long time ago you just wont accept it crap im going to wait a couple of months to heal get this out of my system heal and then move forward with a previous ex who treated me so nice and now wants to reconnect she cant ever come back and point the finger at me and say i didnt try if somebody stayed by your side for 3 years, took all your games still loved you unconditionally how can you use the excuse you dont trust me thats why we cant be together ? yes at some points in the relationship due to her actions i mistrusted her but overall i did trust her otherwise i would have left her, i wouldnt have been there 3 years offering marriage would i ? why cant she see this
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