rniceguy Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 So I have this female friend, we've been friends for about 6 months now. I feel like she is pretty much perfect. We've been relatively close for a while now. She became single a little after we became friends. I started to have feelings for her about four months ago, just about the time when she became single. She has been in long term relationships ever since high school. About the time of her break up, she became attracted to one of my other friends, who is in a LTR/LDR. We use to hang out all the time but then she started spending literally all her free time with my friend. All three of us use to go out together and have a great time together. She tries to get in his pants all the time and has relatively made her attraction to him known (Generally when is drunk). My feelings for her started to grow and when my friend turned her down, she came into my room and we hooked up one night before break. My feelings for her became stronger at this point. We would text each other all the time during the first half of the break, I felt we would become closer friends. The second half of the break tho, we barely talked, I felt like this was due to the friend being back in the States and can receive texts now. I was going crazy because I really hoped that our relationship would become stronger either at least in friendship or maybe turn into something more. Anyways, school started back again and she would literally hang out with him. The only time I would hang out with her, is when I am hanging out with him. I mean, this happened before the break too but now it started to happen more frequently and I became more and more jealous. Eventually I got frustrated and it showed and finally I told her that I have feelings for her and that she is pretty much everything I want in a woman. I, at least wanted to be better friends, it didn't need to be at the same level with the other guy but it would be nice for once if she hung out with me alone, like before they became friends. Nothing really changed except for the fact that she now knew that I liked her. I really do value our friendship and I know that nothing would happen romantically between us. She is not attracted to me or interested in me, although she has never went point blank and said it. She kind of tries to sidestep the issue. Needling me by saying we're best friends or always saying amigo during texts/convos. I get annoyed whenever she says I am one of her best friends because when I see her friendship with the guy, our friendship is no where near that. I tried to make a list of why she wouldn't be good for me but the only things with substance is that I know she will never like me and that she cheated on her boyfriend (I have commitment issues). What should I do? I read a lot on here and it seems a lot of people are going no contact but I am not sure I can do that. It would be weird because we hang out with a lot of the same people and I really enjoy her company. Is there any suggestions? I've been going on dates but I only compare these women to her.
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) The reason why people can't do NC is not because NC don't work. it is because they are not doing the actions of NC enough. They are still trapped in the mood that this Ex gf or bf is everything to them and can't make sense to themselves why they chose to leave them. As soon as you get out of these thoughts, you heal faster. Maybe you can start asking yourself the following questions: - Why am I pinning hopes on this person who doesn't want to be with me? - Why do I want to be with someone who will never like me? - Why do I want to be with someone who has cheated on her bf? (Of course, there are people do change for the better, however you have to see this very clearly, has she changed for the better? If not, usually, the same old thing will just happen again) Also, you mentioned you have commitment issues. Though you can said you really love her now and want to be with her. However, are you ready to go into a serious and long-term relationship with her? Relationship is not just about being happy and having fun. Relationship is also not just about having strong feelings with each other. Relationship takes lots of efforts, respect, trust, forgiveness to go through both good and bad times together. Friendship is always possible, but not when you are romantically attracted to her. Edited March 30, 2011 by Fufu
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