siuys Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 hi all been doing really well since i broke it off with xMM two weeks ago. struggling a bit today so i thought i'd let it out... i keep reminding myself what it REALLY felt like most of the time during the A – the anxiety, the anticipation, the stress, the hot and cold, back and forth, flip and flop, the sleepless nights, the lack of concentration at work... you all know what i'm on about. hate how i think about him still and keeping me awake at night, and today, affected my work. i know it's still early days and i need to give myself more than 2 weeks to get over an A that lasted for 13 months. i just hate how he's still in my system. anyway, thanks for listening! and good luck with all who are in NC!!! Keep going and don't look back!
TigerCub Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Hang in there Siuys!! My A was short of a year, and we've been done for months now and he's still on my mind (not in a romantic way), but he's still a thought and although I am done with xMM and will never go back. Although I have no romantic feelings towards him or desire to be with him, he is still creeps into my mind at one point or another. Its totally understandable and totally normal. Hang in there - you will get through this. I'm very proud of you for being so strong :bunny:
OpenBook Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Congrats on your inner strength to end a bad situation. Just concentrate on the OVERWHELMING RELIEF that you're no longer in that ugly drama cycle! It sucks WAY too much energy out of your life. Love (the real thing) enhances and buoys you up - the complete opposite of dragging you down & draining you. Love IS coming to you, down the road. Your part is simply to clear the way for it. Good luck, and know that there are anonymous people out here in cyberland who are cheering you on!! :bunny:
Emme Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You are doing great just breathe. Everyday is rough but you can make the best of it. We all do it everyday. Breathing really helps and do something fun to take your mind off him. :bunny:High Five:bunny: You can do it! :bunny:HUG:bunny:
Author siuys Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Hang in there Siuys!! My A was short of a year, and we've been done for months now and he's still on my mind (not in a romantic way), but he's still a thought and although I am done with xMM and will never go back. Although I have no romantic feelings towards him or desire to be with him, he is still creeps into my mind at one point or another. Its totally understandable and totally normal. Hang in there - you will get through this. I'm very proud of you for being so strong :bunny: Thanks, TC. I am glad for you that you're out of your A. It must be such a good feeling once you're over it. I can't wait. Thanks for the encouragement. I will soldier on. It's affecting my sleep again unfortunately (too much mind activity, and when I think about what happened, I get stressed from knowing what I have discovered).
Author siuys Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Congrats on your inner strength to end a bad situation. Just concentrate on the OVERWHELMING RELIEF that you're no longer in that ugly drama cycle! It sucks WAY too much energy out of your life. Love (the real thing) enhances and buoys you up - the complete opposite of dragging you down & draining you. Love IS coming to you, down the road. Your part is simply to clear the way for it. Good luck, and know that there are anonymous people out here in cyberland who are cheering you on!! :bunny: At times I feel relieved, other times angry and sometimes I even wonder if he'll come back and what I'll say to him it's insane. Couldn't agree more on the sucking of energy. It just depletes you. I can't believe I stuck around for as long as I did. Thank you for the encouragement.
Author siuys Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 You are doing great just breathe. Everyday is rough but you can make the best of it. We all do it everyday. Breathing really helps and do something fun to take your mind off him. :bunny:High Five:bunny: You can do it! :bunny:HUG:bunny: Talking about breathing, I think I will take up meditation again... thanks for the reminder!
silverplanets Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 hi all been doing really well since i broke it off with xMM two weeks ago. struggling a bit today so i thought i'd let it out... i keep reminding myself what it REALLY felt like most of the time during the A – the anxiety, the anticipation, the stress, the hot and cold, back and forth, flip and flop, the sleepless nights, the lack of concentration at work... you all know what i'm on about. hate how i think about him still and keeping me awake at night, and today, affected my work. i know it's still early days and i need to give myself more than 2 weeks to get over an A that lasted for 13 months. i just hate how he's still in my system. anyway, thanks for listening! and good luck with all who are in NC!!! Keep going and don't look back! Hi Siuys, I know it sounds trite, but I just wanted to say .... smile, give yourself a big hug, pat yourself on the back for getting to where you are and then just take it one step at a time ...... At this point you have probably given far too much of yourself and your attention to someone else's life and, effectively, another couple's drama/relationship .... So it will take a little time for that depletion to be restored, but rest assured that restore it will, and then the light and enregy of your attention will once again shine where it should shine (on your life) and benefit the person who it should benefit (you ) .... At 4 weeks NC you will look back on who you were at two weeks NC and you will hug that person for being so brave At 3 months NC you will look back on who you were at 4 weeks NC and you will hug that person for keeping going At 6 months NC you will look back on who you were at 3 months NC and you will see how much stronger you now really are At 1 year NC you will look at the person you are at 1 years NC and become excited at the possibilty of who you might become At 2 years NC you will neither need to look forwards or back ... you will be content with who you are right then and there .... At 3 years NC .... well I don't know yet, but I really can't see how it's going to be anything but days filled with the absolute pleasure, love and joy of just being and a feeling of unity with everyone else who shares the planet with you at the same time ... "I just am" ..... and that's good enough for me. be safe Chris :) 1
Author siuys Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Hi Siuys, I know it sounds trite, but I just wanted to say .... smile, give yourself a big hug, pat yourself on the back for getting to where you are and then just take it one step at a time ...... At this point you have probably given far too much of yourself and your attention to someone else's life and, effectively, another couple's drama/relationship .... So it will take a little time for that depletion to be restored, but rest assured that restore it will, and then the light and enregy of your attention will once again shine where it should shine (on your life) and benefit the person who it should benefit (you ) .... At 4 weeks NC you will look back on who you were at two weeks NC and you will hug that person for being so brave At 3 months NC you will look back on who you were at 4 weeks NC and you will hug that person for keeping going At 6 months NC you will look back on who you were at 3 months NC and you will see how much stronger you now really are At 1 year NC you will look at the person you are at 1 years NC and become excited at the possibilty of who you might become At 2 years NC you will neither need to look forwards or back ... you will be content with who you are right then and there .... At 3 years NC .... well I don't know yet, but I really can't see how it's going to be anything but days filled with the absolute pleasure, love and joy of just being and a feeling of unity with everyone else who shares the planet with you at the same time ... "I just am" ..... and that's good enough for me. be safe Chris :) Thanks for the encouragement, Chris! Really appreciate it. I had a down day yesterday and not such a good night, but I am feeling ok again. All in all I'm doing good with the occasional dip. I KNOW i have made the right decision and do not want to go back - ever. So that's a good development. I honestly think I'll be so done in a couple of months. It would be like 'Who?' Oh, THAT guy! But I'm sure till then I'll still have the occasional moan on here!
lynne76 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I just want you to know I understand. I'm at 8 days NC right now and it's so hard. I'm having my saddest day yet and while I'm sticking to it, I keep hoping for a miracle...for my xMM to call and tell me his wife isn't pregnant, that it was wrong, and that he misses me.... It's all a fantasy, but that's where my mind goes. I haven't been as close to anyone as I was to him in so many years, or even ever, and right now, it feels like he died. I miss him. I miss the little world he and I shared and created. I can't imagine life without him, and I have to and it feels unfair. That she gets to have him, to be with him and share his life, that they get blessed with a baby, and that try as I might in my lifetime, I feel like my life is empty and it's such a struggle. The contrast between his life and his life with his wife is so stark compared to mine. They have legions of friends, supportive families, such a comfortable and content life....I live alone, struggle month to month, I lost my father ten years ago, my brother 3 years ago (he was 34) and I'd say 90% of my friends are also now married and living comfortable lives with husbands/wives. I try to be upbeat and positive, but it wears on me, I've been doing this for years. I never expected to be so alone in life, but that's where I find myself. I've joined clubs and groups galore, but I just meet other single women...it's so strange. Anyway, I'm sorry to unload here. Just a really long, sad day without the man I thought was my soulmate, crazy as that sounds. I'm hoping to make it 2 weeks NC, then a month, 3 months...then a year. But I can't imagine having a better life without him...just emptier, maybe.
Author siuys Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I just want you to know I understand. I'm at 8 days NC right now and it's so hard. I'm having my saddest day yet and while I'm sticking to it, I keep hoping for a miracle...for my xMM to call and tell me his wife isn't pregnant, that it was wrong, and that he misses me.... It's all a fantasy, but that's where my mind goes. I haven't been as close to anyone as I was to him in so many years, or even ever, and right now, it feels like he died. I miss him. I miss the little world he and I shared and created. I can't imagine life without him, and I have to and it feels unfair. That she gets to have him, to be with him and share his life, that they get blessed with a baby, and that try as I might in my lifetime, I feel like my life is empty and it's such a struggle. The contrast between his life and his life with his wife is so stark compared to mine. They have legions of friends, supportive families, such a comfortable and content life....I live alone, struggle month to month, I lost my father ten years ago, my brother 3 years ago (he was 34) and I'd say 90% of my friends are also now married and living comfortable lives with husbands/wives. I try to be upbeat and positive, but it wears on me, I've been doing this for years. I never expected to be so alone in life, but that's where I find myself. I've joined clubs and groups galore, but I just meet other single women...it's so strange. Anyway, I'm sorry to unload here. Just a really long, sad day without the man I thought was my soulmate, crazy as that sounds. I'm hoping to make it 2 weeks NC, then a month, 3 months...then a year. But I can't imagine having a better life without him...just emptier, maybe. Lynne76 hang in there. those feelings of desperation and loneliness will pass. you've got to dig yourself out of this hole. it's all a fantasy. my goodness, they are even having a baby together! forget this man! believe me he is not your soulmate (sorry i know it's not my place). will a soulmate do this? does love hurt? right now, you cannot imagine life without him but let me tell you, once you start seeing him for who he really is, you will be happy you're rid of him. i have been where you are, and thought my life would have far less meaning without him. how wrong i was! i broke it off with him two weeks ago because i saw who he really is - a married man who is confused, selfish, who waltzes in and out of my life as he suited (and i allowed it), non committal, a flip flop! i feel sorry for his wife! you hang in there and stay positive and live your life. live and learn. there is always a lesson. learn it and move forward. all the very best to you.
fooled once Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Hi Siuys, I know it sounds trite, but I just wanted to say .... smile, give yourself a big hug, pat yourself on the back for getting to where you are and then just take it one step at a time ...... At this point you have probably given far too much of yourself and your attention to someone else's life and, effectively, another couple's drama/relationship .... So it will take a little time for that depletion to be restored, but rest assured that restore it will, and then the light and enregy of your attention will once again shine where it should shine (on your life) and benefit the person who it should benefit (you ) .... At 4 weeks NC you will look back on who you were at two weeks NC and you will hug that person for being so brave At 3 months NC you will look back on who you were at 4 weeks NC and you will hug that person for keeping going At 6 months NC you will look back on who you were at 3 months NC and you will see how much stronger you now really are At 1 year NC you will look at the person you are at 1 years NC and become excited at the possibilty of who you might become At 2 years NC you will neither need to look forwards or back ... you will be content with who you are right then and there .... At 3 years NC .... well I don't know yet, but I really can't see how it's going to be anything but days filled with the absolute pleasure, love and joy of just being and a feeling of unity with everyone else who shares the planet with you at the same time ... "I just am" ..... and that's good enough for me. be safe Chris :) Great post Chris!!!
TurboGirl Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Silverplanets thank you for the post. I am still struggling with the NC. Coming up on 2 months now. I also am not sleeping very well, unless I take a pill. Going over & over in my head, asking myself how/why/what, ??? xMM was a total absolute cruel person at the end, and I don't know why I stayed so long. If this had been a "real relationship" I would have kicked his sorry butt to the curb 18 months ago. I too have played out the different scenarios of what will happen if/when he contacts me again... but I know that is unpredictible, if ever. 2.5 years, poof, up & away. All I know is that no way am I emailing or calling, EVER. The main hurt is wearing off, and sadness is just there now. The great thing is that I am total focused at work, looking at a bonus next week, woohoo, that is where I've been pouring my energy. Stay strong, NC is the only way to regain self esteem.
Author siuys Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 may be i am wrongf,but i hope you can give me a opportunity !!especially the board administator!! if i do not get this message successfully i will be fired!!i need money to keep my mother!!!! 3x!!!!!3x!!!!!pregnant wedding dresses Huh?! What the hell is this?
Author siuys Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Silverplanets thank you for the post. I am still struggling with the NC. Coming up on 2 months now. I also am not sleeping very well, unless I take a pill. Going over & over in my head, asking myself how/why/what, ??? xMM was a total absolute cruel person at the end, and I don't know why I stayed so long. If this had been a "real relationship" I would have kicked his sorry butt to the curb 18 months ago. I too have played out the different scenarios of what will happen if/when he contacts me again... but I know that is unpredictible, if ever. 2.5 years, poof, up & away. All I know is that no way am I emailing or calling, EVER. The main hurt is wearing off, and sadness is just there now. The great thing is that I am total focused at work, looking at a bonus next week, woohoo, that is where I've been pouring my energy. Stay strong, NC is the only way to regain self esteem. TG, wow, 2 months is huge!!! Well done. I think by the 2 month mark I will be so very done. I hope you get to that stage soon really soon. Yeah, i get the thinking and thinking but it's getting better. Like you, I've put the focus back to work and other things. I feel pretty normal again. The end was not so nice either. He was withdrawn, distant and refused to talk. WHATEVER!!! He's so not worth it. Don't care anymore what, why, how, if... I just know that I am moving on, and it was all so screwed up anyway. Live and learn! All the best to you!
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Talking about breathing, I think I will take up meditation again... thanks for the reminder! Do yoga too! Congrats Siuys. You've done the right thing for yourself and it sounds like you're on a healthier path in so many ways. It's important to acknowledge that the timing to end your A suited you best. Like you were at your 'enough is enough' phase and you truly were ready to end it. Bottomline is, when someone wants out, either out of a marriage, a relationship, an affair .. They just do it!
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