lovnlost Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I was just thinking how I got here....yet again. Over the course of time to proceed with whom I thought was the love of my life....there was so much drama along the way and heartache that I sometimes question if I had it to do over....would I? I left the mother of my child....we weren't going anywhere after 7 years together. I made myself better at every turn along the way. For me. I tried for so long to be good for her.... and PROVE myself. When I came home from training in the Army after the economy collapsed....she asked me to prove myself yet again. It was then I knew it was over. I should never have to do this to one who says they love me unconditionally. So while with her at the end I engaged in emotionally cheating on her for about a month before I called it quits. I was at the same time talking with my future love, now ex. However, from what she was telling me at the time, I was trying to help her in her marriage. It backfired. She never heard anyone talk about vulnerability and communication and honesty the way I had. I should have left right then. Instead I left my gf and she left her husband and we embarked on the sweetest romance id ever known. I compromised my morals, values, and integrity by allowing myself to get involved with a married women before the divorce was finalized. I was directly involved with this. I told her of the enormous guilt I felt and that I should go away. She assured me she would have done it anyway whether I was there or not. She told me what I wanted to hear so she could have what she wanted as well. I am ashamed, still, I allowed myself to be compromised in such a way to pursue love. It was this feeling...the right kind of love....the best....Love shouldn't put you in a position to take your honor from you. I felt mine has been shaken deeply. I know that I will NEVER do anything like this again. Did I learn? yes. Is it a mistake I can be forgiven for? Perhaps. Will I grow from it? you bet. Does realizing this change my circumstances and having a broken heart? Not in the least. But....I am learning from it...and thats a positive sign. So be careful....be careful how you accomplish your goals in relationships. Has anyone felt this way before? Would you be so honest here? I post and confess this here hoping nobody will judge. I made mistakes. While that may be a poor excuse I realize, it is all I have at the moment. And somewhere in my mind says...anything for love. But apparently there are limitations and lines that should not be crossed. Where was my common sense when I needed it most?
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Everyone makes mistakes, we learnt from them and grew up from them. Don't be too hard on yourself.
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