SouthernBelle2012 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Okay. So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year. My boyfriend and his best female friend have been best friends for 1.5 to 2 years. We get along just fine. But here is the thing. She uses him for money. She never spends money unless it's on gas to get to our apartment. She came and stayed with her 3 year old one night at our apartment and they slept on the couch. I was hungry for breakfast the next day. So, we went to IHOP. My boyfriend paid for me, him, her, and her kid. I think she should offer to pay for her and her kid at least. She always lets him pay for it. Because she knows he will. And he says he feels obligated because she is his best friend. She always wants to go out somewhere whenever we are around. But she NEVER pays. They did have sex for like a week when he came back from Iraq before me met. But nothing since. She knows we will get married after we graduate college. I don't wanna be a bitch about the situation. But enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of him always paying for her. Once in awhile would be fine...But it's everytime. I love her to death. But I hate this part. How do I make my boyfriend understand that he shouldn't be paying for her all the time? It's just not right.
betterdeal Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Whether or not she's a woman is irrelevant. If she was man it would be the same issue: She's not bringing anything to the table and that's not very friendly, is it? Let your boyfriend know that friends don't need to pay for friendship, which is what he appears to be doing.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 How do I make my boyfriend understand that he shouldn't be paying for her all the time? You can't. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel and there is nothing wrong with letting him know how you feel. Unfortunately, you can make your feelings known, but unless he feels that way himself he will just resent you for trying to make him change his mind. If pushed, he will likely tell his friend that you are forcing his hand, making you the bad guy. The last thing you want is him siding with her against you. So how to stop it? You don't. Let him know how you feel and go from there. If he ignores your feelings or refuses even to compromise then you may have some hard choices to make.
Nexus One Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You're voicing a concern about your boyfriend spending money on his best friend, but not a concern that he slept with her and is still hanging out with her? Weird priority of concerns in my opinion.
CandyGirlXO Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You're voicing a concern about your boyfriend spending money on his best friend, but not a concern that he slept with her and is still hanging out with her? Weird priority of concerns in my opinion. Agreed!!!!!
Kelemort Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Yeah, I agree, although the paying compounds the issue. I think there is more going on here under the surface, especially given their history (or at least what the writer here knows of it). It's just unlikely that they'd only have sex for a set period of time, then they would remain that close and nothing else would come of it. I think there's more going on here. I'd blow a gasket if my boyfriend was still hanging out with the girl he used to have sex with. The only exception to communication like that is if they have children together, and that's the only exception that I can think about. And that's something that needs to be discussed upfront - it shouldn't come as a surprise months down the road. Some people aren't comfortable with an arrangement like that, and that's ok - their prerogative. But in this case, yeah there's something very weird going on here. Kudos to you for being so confident and being self-assured, but yeah this 'paying for her all of the time' crap needs to stop. I think you need to sit down with him and say something like: "I understand that x is your best friend, and that you care deeply about x and her son y. But I have noticed that you always seem to pay for x, and she always wants to go out someplace when she comes here. I think you're spending too much money on x." And then maybe set your preferences - let him know that while it may be cool to pay for her every once in a while (say, every 5th time or so that you go out), you are not happy about him paying for her every time. And then the ball is really in his court. He needs only drop hints ahead of time when this girl wants him to take her out. A simple, "Well, that will be nice, but I've only got enough money for me and my girlfriend. Is that ok?" And from then on at the restaurant, he needs to tell the waitress upfront, "We're going to be on a bill, and her and her son are going to be on another." But that aside, yeah, I wouldn't be comfortable with her in the arena at all. And if you're not happy with it, that's fine. If it's a big deal to you, then leave if he isn't willing to change the type of relationship that he has with her. Because I only see a dynamic like this continuing to evolve because I think there are more feelings here than friendship. Sooner or later, she will be asking for him to pay for her son's clothes and other expenses. Maybe her own. She's a freeloader, and he needs to kick that freeloader out.
Helloween Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Okay. So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year. My boyfriend and his best female friend have been best friends for 1.5 to 2 years. We get along just fine. But here is the thing. She uses him for money. She never spends money unless it's on gas to get to our apartment. She came and stayed with her 3 year old one night at our apartment and they slept on the couch. I was hungry for breakfast the next day. So, we went to IHOP. My boyfriend paid for me, him, her, and her kid. I think she should offer to pay for her and her kid at least. She always lets him pay for it. Because she knows he will. And he says he feels obligated because she is his best friend. She always wants to go out somewhere whenever we are around. But she NEVER pays. They did have sex for like a week when he came back from Iraq before me met. But nothing since. She knows we will get married after we graduate college. I don't wanna be a bitch about the situation. But enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of him always paying for her. Once in awhile would be fine...But it's everytime. I love her to death. But I hate this part. How do I make my boyfriend understand that he shouldn't be paying for her all the time? It's just not right. kick the bitch to the curb.
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