butterfly2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 alright so i went by his shop with my tail between my legs after he finally text me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore. We talked for a minute but while we were talking, his phone rang and he answered it. Talk about a slap in the face. His friend needed a ride to the doctor so he said sure. Then told me he had to go but asked if I could come by later after work. So work ends, I text him to see if he was back and he said he was still at the doctors office. I said I would wait or come by the docs office and wait with him. He said I will just see you tomorrow. OUCH...he's the one who asked me to come back. He puts people ahead of me even when we are on good terms. He said i am always first but that isnt true. Well I get home and he had been here. He took some clothes and opened his mail and left it on the table. He ate some chicken I had and took some snacks I had under the cupboard. He didn't take everything. So I tried calling him and he didnt answer. I text him and said, u came by? Did you take everything you wanted to take? He replied, no because I wanted to see how things work out. But didnt he text me earlier saying he didn't want to be with me anymore? WTF...playing games... I was better off with the no contact. Why am i being so stupid? oh and he left his dog. I;m hurting and I am at my end with this. I feel super needy right now....sucks, but I need advice, comments....even if I have heard them before I need to hear them again. What do i do now? Probably should change the locks since i really dont want him thinking he can come and go as he pleases. That is wrong right there.
homebrew Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) Butterfly, I responded to this thread in the "other" thread you already have going... Here NOTE: Since you have no Life Balance... You cannot understand the important of having a life outside of your BF. There is nothing wrong with him have hobbies, friends and other interests outside of you and the relationship. In fact... It's very NORMAL and HEALTHY! Don't believe me.... Try it out for yourself. All the stress, resentment and angry you are directing towards your BF is unfounded. It is a result of you not having your own support system, friends, hobbies, interests. You are still asking... NO DEMANDING that your BF make you happy at all costs without regard for his needs or feelings. Totally unfair and unhealthy! Edited March 30, 2011 by homebrew
Author butterfly2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I get what you are saying, but you are wrong. I have a life, I have two kids that I take care of. He is the one that changed the way he was with us and puts others before our family. That is the wrong way to have a relationship when your friends and your hobbies take up your entire life and then you have no time for your family any longer. But you helped me figure out a little more about how I have allowed myself to become weak and him to walk all over me and control me, cause he is controlling and jealous and in turn I became that way. Now he blames me for the issues in our relationship without seeing that I was actually weak and mirroring him. I honestly think I have the wrong man in my life and I need to break this cycle. It is not healthy and I do deserve to have what I want in my life and my relationship. He was willing to give it to me and was, but he changed and is always changing like the wind. That is a hard one to handle. I think he needs to find himself because he does not really have his own identity figured out. There is more to the story than I have actually put out there. If I told you the entire story start to finish, you would say no doubt, change your number......leave him alone. I guess its what I know I need to do but dont want to hear it. Again, I have let this love make me weak.
Author butterfly2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 went back and read your other post. Love it. It is great advice. I had all that life balance, friends, family, all of that....I had a great life...I allowed him to control that part of me cause he wanted me all for himself. He had nothing and nobody when I met him. He made me his entire life. He was so jealous of everything and everyone in my life.....he needed me all the time..... well that was a stupid move on my part and I allowed that. Now he has his hobbies, finds new ones all the time and meets new people all the time and they come before me. He can easily say yes to them and no to me. DARKANGEL called it yesteryday...he likes and needs attention... Now I need to find myself and my life balance again.....I cant blame him cause I am an adult and I allowed this But hay love is blind and boy did I have my blinders on......argghhhhh I dont even want to talk to him now. I dont know that I will ever get what I need from him in a relationship. I have had great relationships on the past and I let them go.....this one is a dangerous attachment that is hard to let go because it has been so challenging. Thank you for all of your advice, i really appreciate it and will use it for my life. I need to get myself back before I can consider any relationship cause what if I do get myself back and he gets jealous and controlling again although the whole life balance thing is what he does talk about......but once I do stuff he gets mad and says that it will take away from my time for him and the kids. OMG>.......issues.....wow... this is something else.
DarkAngel7 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Butterfly.... Change the focus from getting your BF back to getting yourself happy. I know it's hard but forget about him for a sec. What will make you happy? Yes you have kids but that's not really a hobby, and not the same as girlfriends. If you had good girlfriends you would probably be out with them right now. Your girlfriends would be making you feel better. This whole obsessive thinking thing is all because you have nothing else to do. I am not saying that in a mean way either because I am in the same boat lol. Yes you work, have kids, etc...but it seems like your bf was all you had outside of that. Do you take yoga classes? Do you hang out with your girls for happy hour? Do you take care of yourself the way you should? Are your feelings above everyones (besides kids)? Seriously. This is my opinion, and I am not an expert but if you were happy with your BF at one point, than it CAN happen again. There must've been a reason things were working out better...That's besides the point though. You can't make this all about him. You figured out he is playing games, so don't play with him. Don't talk to him again until you are feeling better!!! I have told you this before, and I understand how hard it is. Do something asap that will make you feel better. Plan something for yourself this weekend, buy that book Homebrew talked about. You can plan something with a girlfriend you havn't seen in a while. You could see family if they are anywhere near you. It seems like everything revolves around him and its not good for you! Trust me once you stop going back and forth with these games, and you focus on you...you will feel some relief. Yes you will miss him but the guy is playing games. He doesn't want to leave you, but he wants you to understand how fed up he is. Why can't he just say that like an adult? Show him how amazing you are, he spent 2 years basically getting you to fall inlove with him. He was the one that pursued you. Right??? Remind his a** why that was. You were probably much more confident,radiant,etc. Don't do this for him though, do it for you! Not just a game to get him back, but think of it as finding your balance. Making butterfly happy. It just so happens that your relationship will probably get muchhh better for you once this happens. If not, you will be strong enough anyways that you will be able to handle moving on. When you have balance, support system, this type of situation is not as bad.
Author butterfly2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Started NC.... going to do this for me and my happiness. thank you for your advice.
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