Loving the person but not the relationship, how to get over it :(

[turokturok5]

I've come to realise that i didn't exactly like my relationship. I was always upset/angry or confused. I really liked her as a person and spent so much time getting to know her. I understand that the reason we talked so well before we started dating was most likely because we liked eachother. I loved everything about her, her smile, her laugh, her personality, her family were great, she lived close to me, we shared the same social circle, i honestly can't find any flaws with her, apart from the fact that she didn't really want to be with me. I use to pin it on the fact that i was her first boyfriend and she was nervous, but i looked back at dating this other girl who was my first girlfriend and i ALWAYS wanted to be with her, she had many other boyfriends before me but i thought since it was a relationship we should spend as much time as possible together.

 

Fact is, my ex never really wanted to spend time with just me, like have alone time, it was usually in a group. I would say to myself "i wish she would just dump me already if she doesn't want it" when she would make up lame excuses to not spend time with me, but then if i suggested a group setting these excuses would suddenly dissapear, it really messed with me head, one day i snapped and questioned her about it, asked why she doesn't want to spend time with me, asked why she always makes up excuses and eventually, and i was half-expecting it she dumped me, yet it was crushed.

 

Thing is, i realised i loved her as a person, but not the relationship. I hoped that we could work things out, that she would want to spend more time together but i guess i was right that she just didn't want to be with me. It just sucks that someone who had a pretty big part of your life, even though it was only short term, doesn't exist anymore. When we see eachother it's as if we're strangers - mutual friends come up to me when she is there, she doesn't say a word, nor do i look at her. I've tried messaging her saying i was sorry for getting so angry about the break-up and that she did the right thing (which was when i realised i liked her as a person, not the relationship) but haven't heard anything back.

 

Im guessing my best bet now is just to stay NC, and forget that we ever had anything to do with eachother, right?

[stace79]

I think you're looking at it in a healthy way. I think it is totally possible to love a person, but that person still not be the best for you as a partner in a relationship. NC probably is a good thing... give your feelings time to go away and your heart time to feel better. Then maybe in several months or a year or something, you guys could be friendly. It's hard to know that you can't make it work with someone you think is a good person overall, but you gotta find somebody who is RIGHT for you, in addition to being a good person. Good luck!

[Beeotch]

I think you're looking at it in a healthy way. I think it is totally possible to love a person, but that person still not be the best for you as a partner in a relationship. NC probably is a good thing... give your feelings time to go away and your heart time to feel better. Then maybe in several months or a year or something, you guys could be friendly. It's hard to know that you can't make it work with someone you think is a good person overall, but you gotta find somebody who is RIGHT for you, in addition to being a good person. Good luck!

 

Ditto

 

An ex of mine, whom I still speak to sometimes, looking back and even now I can say that he is an amazing person, we are very compatible, I love our interaction and we were very comfortable with each other and had a natural chemistry...things ended for reasons outside of our relationship with each other as people. But overall the relationship itself wasn't viable although I loved him and we got along well etc.

 

So yea...there is so much more to a relationship than love and it is good to realize that because it may not work out doesn't mean anyone was a horrible person likewise not because you love someone means that the relationship itself is healthy or for your ultimate good.