dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 The same thing applies for women who want the man to chase her and put in all the effort and jump through hoops to get her. Agreed, gender does not give immunity to narcisscism.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 There's all sorts of definitions floating around in this thread. Everyone seems to have a different idea of what a player is. Why don't I start off by sayi Nope, this is more important. Have a seat somedude, I'm going to tell you a story, and you don't you dare tl;dr me. ❧ There's a rapper right now I really like, this kid from LA, can't wait for his new album. He has this line: "I am a unicorn." He explained it in a recent interview: it was the thought that occurred to him upon fully understanding the cliche, "You can be whatever you want to be." He said he can literally be whatever he defines himself to be, and there is no good reason to believe otherwise. He goes on to say in this interview that he is actually a table. Yes, his point is absurd. But is it any less absurd than allowing others to define him instead? To say to him "You can't be a famous rapper because X, Y, Z?" And by others, I don't literally mean people in his life who might say that to him. I bet there have been people like that, but I doubt they came up with that message by themselves. The truth is, they got it from the culture, just like the rest of us, and he did, too. We all internalize messages early on about what we are supposed to be, and what we are not, what we cannot be. And most of it is based on some arbitrary ****. I'm sure you can think of some examples. Skin color? Where you grew up? How much money your parents have? The angle of your nose? That's why you'll say something as absurd as "I can't be loved by women because of X, Y, Z." You don't see it as absurd because you've heard and felt that message for so long, but you are passively allowing people like Eternal Sunshine, or that stupid blog you linked to, or whoever and not you decide who you get to be and how you define your life -- even though your will tells you that it's not right, which brings you into conflict every time you think about your desires (which, I'm sure, is daily), and that's why you feel broken and flawed -- that's why you have an existential crisis. ❧ The rapper I was talking about, by the way, is this kid called Tyler the Creator. He played on Jimmy Fallon this month. His latest song has 4.3 million hits on Youtube. He's 19 years old. He's a skater from LA with a few rap demos, man, you know how many of those there are? But he's not just some skater now, he's Tyler the Creator, no, he's a table. ❧ There's a reason I brought up a rapper specifically: it's been on my mind, because the other day, my boss and I were talking about rap artists. We concluded that there is not a single successful rap artist that doesn't promote "saying **** you to the haters." That doesn't feel very significant, because it's so common, being such an easy thing to mimic, right? Anyone can sample some jazz piano, hook up a microphone, fire up ProTools and say "**** the haters." But to truly believe "**** the haters," I think, it the big secret. Because to earnestly, fully believe that message to your core, is to be free. It means completely dismantling the negative voice in you that tells you "you can't," which is how you tell yourself "I can't." "**** the haters" is "**** the world, I'll define myself." The strongest rappers have a clear identity and a clear goal and they do not let it become compromised. So then you have the most common theme in rap: the epideictic, definitive, "This is who I am (and this is who you are not)" song. I mean how else could you imagine going from being poor and discriminated in a hostile environment, to being a billionaire cultural icon? Who doesn't know who Jay-Z is? "Come on welikeincrowds, why are you bull****ting me about Jay-Z, the guy is obviously a talent and a genius." No. 20-25 years ago he was just some skinny black kid with big ears and no money from the projects. Of course he's a talent, but thank god he had the balls to say "I have the balls to say ____", because we would have never found out now would we? Nope, Jay-Z said **** the haters. Jay-Z said he is whoever he says he is -- and he's the only one who gets to say anything meaningful on the subject. Just like Tyler and the unicorn. ❧ You should stop telling yourself "no", somedude. I don't know what else I gotta do, write you a ****ing book to get you to hear this, because I know it's not the first time I've said this to you; but I promise you, this message is the beginning of the path toward to solution to your crisis. FIN Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All is a disturbing rap group. They're very lyrical with good wordplay but they rap about some pretty disturbing ****. It makes Eminem's past material look like Teletubbies.
Cracker Jack Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) Actually it is one step further then that, get rejected by 100 of them. That way if you talk to girl number 45 and she goes on a date with you, you kind of have a "mission accomplished." And you get used to rejection and it doesn't bother you as much. Yeah, as tough as it sounds, the potential countless rejections would surely toughen me up a whole lot--and that's something I definitely need. Most of the times I've been let down (rejected), it's been by women I've known, so I can see the logic in not taking a stranger's rejection personal. I just gotta find a way get the ball rolling. Do you really think it's possible for someone to be successful within that scenario, honestly? I mean, the odds are definitely in your favor, but being rejected by 100 women consecutively seems kinda possible. And...I'm already starting off bad. Cute girl sitting right next to me in the computer lab. I don't know how to start it off. Damn it! Asking for feedback is tricky, tho. I could totally see them rolling their eyes and walking away from me for that one:laugh: Edited March 30, 2011 by Cracker Jack
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Yeah, as tough as it sounds, the potential countless rejections would surely toughen me up a whole lot--and that's something I definitely need. Most of the times I've been let down (rejected), it's been by women I've known, so I can see the logic in not taking a stranger's rejection personal. I just gotta find a way get the ball rolling. Do you really think it's possible for someone to be successful within that scenario, honestly? I mean, the odds are definitely in your favor, but being rejected by 100 women consecutively seems kinda possible. And...I'm already starting off bad. Cute girl sitting right next to me in the computer lab. I don't know how to start it off. Damn it! Asking for feedback is tricky, tho. I could totally see them rolling their eyes and walking away from me for that one:laugh: You start by opening your lips and saying 'hi' to her.
somedude81 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) Does anybody else see the concept of asking out random women as completely ridiculous? Why would any girl accept a date with some dude who just walked up to her and started talking? I just seems like a way to get a lot of pointless rejections and make girls feel uncomfortable. The closest I'm getting to that is starting to talk to a girl who I ride the bus with. The repeated meetings are somewhat helpful in building comfort and commonalities. Edited March 30, 2011 by somedude81
Cracker Jack Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You start by opening your lips and saying 'hi' to her. I almost did that, but she left. I'm going to do it later on. Damn, I hate how tough I'm making this out to be. I suppose I should just focus on getting to know her first, instead of just saying "Hey, wanna go out?" so quickly.
fishtaco Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Does anybody else see the concept of asking out random women as completely ridiculous? Not really. It's called a cold approach. It's tough unless you have your intangibles down, and brass balls. It's about your looks, your vibe, your body language ...etc. You have to impress her in 30 seconds. Even if you don't have "game", eventually you'll land a hit. Having "game" raises your percentage, that's all. This is what players are good at. I'm not great at it, so my preference is to warm up the women first. But you don't always get the opportunity to do so, so sometimes I have to go for the cold approach anyway.
somedude81 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 It's tough unless you have your intangibles down, and brass balls. It's about your looks, your vibe, your body language ...etc. You have to impress her in 30 seconds. That's why I never bothered with cold approaches. I've been aware of "the game" for over five years, and cold approaches always seemed retarded. I much prefer the warm approach. I'd at least like to have three conversations with a girl before I ask her out. But I should probably cut that down.
fishtaco Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 That's why I never bothered with cold approaches. I've been aware of "the game" for over five years, and cold approaches always seemed retarded. I much prefer the warm approach. I'd at least like to have three conversations with a girl before I ask her out. But I should probably cut that down. It's not retarded. It's has lower percentage of success, and you need to develop your superficials. But it's a valid approach, and it's something you should have under your belt. It's just another tool. Why limit yourself?
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Does anybody else see the concept of asking out random women as completely ridiculous? Is the "hope she falls from the sky" method working for you? What, exactly do you have to lose? Why would any girl accept a date with some dude who just walked up to her and started talking? The theory generally goes the he would try to open up a conversation with her and then perhaps casually ask her to coffee or if she couldn't go then get her number. This method has worked for decades. How did your parents meet? I just seems like a way to get a lot of pointless rejections and make girls feel uncomfortable. If Thomas Edison was here, he would thump you. The point is this: 1. You don't get to go out with all of the women you don't ask. You could go out with some of the women that you do ask. 2. As your experience grows your sense of timing and reception grows, some women are going to be 'more' receptive then others, notice this and why. 3. You get over your case of useless nerves by going through the rejections and it becomes a part of the package until you get through it. 4. Just frigging do it because I said so and I am mean okay? The closest I'm getting to that is starting to talk to a girl who I ride the bus with. The repeated meetings are somewhat helpful in building comfort and commonalities. Good just make sure you don't get friendzoned, eggs in one basket etc. Baby steps are good too. I almost did that, but she left. I'm going to do it later on. Damn, I hate how tough I'm making this out to be. I suppose I should just focus on getting to know her first, instead of just saying "Hey, wanna go out?" so quickly. Lol maybe eh? Just notice one thing that she is doing or has or think if a question (open ended) to asked her. I.e. You are in school right? "oh well, hi there, I noticed that you are taking (blank) I was wondering if you could tell me a little about that class? I am (so and so) by the way." just an example. It is tough to do because it takes balls. Not really. It's called a cold approach. It's tough unless you have your intangibles down, and brass balls. It's about your looks, your vibe, your body language ...etc. You have to impress her in 30 seconds. Even if you don't have "game", eventually you'll land a hit. Having "game" raises your percentage, that's all. This is what players are good at. I'm not great at it, so my preference is to warm up the women first. But you don't always get the opportunity to do so, so sometimes I have to go for the cold approach anyway. Generally, open stanced, casual smile, average girl. Pick a target that you aren't too intimidated by. All of these doped pick 'the hot girl' and get shot down from the sky. The point is not try find the love of your life on the first try, it is to get the guts up to approach women and have a conversation. Things naturally flow from that. It IS TOUGH BECAUSE IT TAKES BALLS.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 That's why I never bothered with cold approaches. I've been aware of "the game" for over five years, and cold approaches always seemed retarded. I much prefer the warm approach. I'd at least like to have three conversations with a girl before I ask her out. But I should probably cut that down. Be warm, be friendly. Get a phone number. Sell it. You don't have to be a PUA douchebag to showcase yourself.
somedude81 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 How did your parents meet? They met in high school. I don't know the exact details but I'm sure they had one or two classes together. Is the "hope she falls from the sky" method working for you? That's not my method at all. I meet tons of women each semester at my university. I see them in classes and clubs. I talk to them, try to see if a connection is possible and ask them out. Is there something wrong with that method? The theory generally goes the he would try to open up a conversation with her and then perhaps casually ask her to coffee or if she couldn't go then get her number. This method has worked for decades. I would question the success rate of two random strangers getting into a relationship. If Thomas Edison was here, he would thump you. The point is this: 1. You don't get to go out with all of the women you don't ask. You could go out with some of the women that you do ask. 2. As your experience grows your sense of timing and reception grows, some women are going to be 'more' receptive then others, notice this and why. 3. You get over your case of useless nerves by going through the rejections and it becomes a part of the package until you get through it. 4. Just frigging do it because I said so and I am mean okay? I could go (am going) though all that without doing cold approaches. Of course I'm not going to ask out 100 girls in a month. Good just make sure you don't get friendzoned, eggs in one basket etc. Baby steps are good too. Heh baby steps. Where I've come from, this is one giant leap. Friendzone is always a danger. If I do get her number and go on a date, it could still happen.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 They met in high school. I don't know the exact details but I'm sure they had one or two classes together. Maybe find out how dad and mom hit it off. My parents painted an apartment together and my Dad was a jackass, ah...love. That's not my method at all. I meet tons of women each semester at my university. I see them in classes and clubs. I talk to them, try to see if a connection is possible and ask them out. Is there something wrong with that method? Not if it is working, but if it isn't I would try a new approach to it or a new one. I would question the success rate of two random strangers getting into a relationship. It's called 'coffee' not 'I do.' I could go (am going) though all that without doing cold approaches. Of course I'm not going to ask out 100 girls in a month. It doesn't have to be in a month, but that isn't a bad target. Maybe one a day. You don't even have to ask her out per se just shoot for s number or to meet up later. In fact the goal was actually to get rejected by 100 girls. . That way there is no pressure. Heh baby steps. Where I've come from, this is one giant leap. Friendzone is always a danger. If I do get her number and go on a date, it could still happen. Of course it can.... Everything is eventual, right?
Cracker Jack Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Lol maybe eh? Just notice one thing that she is doing or has or think if a question (open ended) to asked her. I.e. You are in school right? "oh well, hi there, I noticed that you are taking (blank) I was wondering if you could tell me a little about that class? I am (so and so) by the way." just an example. It is tough to do because it takes balls. Good explanation. Thanks. I didn't get a chance (well, I sorta did but wasn't ready) to do anything yet, but I'm hoping I can tomorrow. Either way, I Gotta get over this stupid brickwall. I wish I knew why situations like this make me feel so nervous. Also, do you think something like this should be done in a spur of the moment sorta fashion? Taking time to layout my exact wording will only make things worse, right?
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Good explanation. Thanks. I didn't get a chance (well, I sorta did but wasn't ready) to do anything yet, but I'm hoping I can tomorrow. Either way, I Gotta get over this stupid brickwall. I wish I knew why situations like this make me feel so nervous. Also, do you think something like this should be done in a spur of the moment sorta fashion? Taking time to layout my exact wording will only make things worse, right? Just go out there and get rejected. You don't need a big plan to get rejected!
Ross PK Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 With cockiness, you don't really care about what other people think. You do what you want, because you want to do it. Sure some of it may be baseless, but by the sheer fact of being out there, good things can come of it. I work out with weights, 2-3 times a week and jog/bike ride on my off days. Though I'm an ectomorph and it's hard for my body to build muscle. Still it is a bit of an ego boost to see guys with arms smaller than my own. I have put a lot of time into the gym. The problem with my list that I want to accomplish, is that I don't know the actual steps necessary. It's basically Step 1: Meet a girl Step 2: Talk to her Step 3: ??? Step 4: Sexcess! Lol, exactly. I've got no idea how you go from talking to ****ing.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Lol, exactly. I've got no idea how you go from talking to ****ing. Just go out and get rejected 100 times. If you make it to 1000 rejections then I will believe that you are undateable. You might as well prove it right?
Ross PK Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Just go out and get rejected 100 times. If you make it to 1000 rejections then I will believe that you are undateable. You might as well prove it right? Lol, I think I'll pass.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Lol, I think I'll pass. There is a logic to it... try to follow.... it gives you an excuse to get the guts up to ask girls for coffee and/or their number etc. You actually get to find out the rejection numbers etc and who is receptive who isn't etc etc etc While you look at aiming for the numbers as a goal. It also helps you to toughen up to rejection...total trial run. What have you got to lose aside from your virginity?
Ross PK Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 There is a logic to it... try to follow.... it gives you an excuse to get the guts up to ask girls for coffee and/or their number etc. You actually get to find out the rejection numbers etc and who is receptive who isn't etc etc etc While you look at aiming for the numbers as a goal. It also helps you to toughen up to rejection...total trial run. What have you got to lose aside from your virginity? What if I got rejected by every single girl? (which I'm sure I would) Imagine how I'd feel.
Eclypse Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Fact is Ross, even if you get rejected by every girl, you still won't be any worse off than you are now. You have absolutely nothing to lose, and so much to gain! Love, a relationship, sex, starting a family. Those are all wonderful things. I got rejected by heaps for girls before things began going right. I know how it feels. It feels crappy, but you pick yourself up. That's what being human is about And eventually someone will say yes. That I can guarantee. Just gotta find that person.
MarlyStar Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Some women are vapid and shallow... most are not. You will find the same of men... in the end many guys are less shallow than they act. Very interesting quote. Why is that?
dreamingoftigers Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 What if I got rejected by every single girl? (which I'm sure I would) Imagine how I'd feel. Fact is Ross, even if you get rejected by every girl, you still won't be any worse off than you are now. You have absolutely nothing to lose, and so much to gain! Love, a relationship, sex, starting a family. Those are all wonderful things. I got rejected by heaps for girls before things began going right. I know how it feels. It feels crappy, but you pick yourself up. That's what being human is about And eventually someone will say yes. That I can guarantee. Just gotta find that person. Ross, let's just say that sex and family are absolutely worth it. If it wasn't then humanity would have died out long ago. The fact that it is worth means automatically it will probably not be easy. Feelings are pretty much information, they aren't supposed to take over your rational judgment. Feelings let you know when you have crossed over (or someone else has) a boundary in your basic template. It is up to you to decide whether or not your basic template serves you and what to do with that feeling. As you grow older your comfort zone expands or shrinks based on the information you feed back into your brain. Right now it seems that you are allowing fear of rejection to cloud the basic rationale that getting rejected by 100 girls could bring you closer to being accepted by 100 girls. No one is going to show up to your Christmas Party without an invitation. If you invite 100 people, maybe only 5 will RSVP and show up. That's 5 more then if you didn't invite anyone. Maybe when you invite 100 people and no one shows up you can assess your factors on why they didn't. You can look over your invitation and see what information you presented. I.e. if you put on your invitation that everyone that comes gets to clean your house or something stupid, then you remove that term and try to have another party. Maybe you have chocolate fountain instead or something. Just keep trying different dynamics until you find something. Frankly, I think that you don't want to step outside of your comfort zone and either be proven right or crash and burn on a date. You are reinforcing your own flawed beliefs by sitting here on LS night after night pining for girls that have no idea that you are interested. I get that. Honestly, I feel often that by losing weight it may be very detrimental to my self-esteem because what if it turns out that I am just really ugly and then I have no excuse for why some people don't like me or a bunch of guys don't find me attractive. Truly, I did overcome that a little while ago because I figured out that I don't love myself because of my ability/inability to attract the opposite sex. I love other things about me and that is enough. Don't get stuck in that time, it wastes a lot of time and energy on feeding 'a big nothing..'
Mr.Cairo Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 et's just say that sex and family are absolutely worth it. If it wasn't then humanity would have died out long ago. The fact that it is worth means automatically it will probably not be easy. If the chemical high produced during sex is taken away, sex is not worth all the hassle, potential stds, emotional problems, broken-up homes and such. Check out the Asexual forums to see what I'm talking about. Their bodies are working, but due to something they aren't interested in sex.
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