mogul Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I don't consider myself a player. I do however, have no issue getting multiple numbers on a night out and within a weeks time turn them in to fwb. I completely agree that it is not only about sex, but the ability to pursue them from start to finish. To go from the first smile, getting their number, using that number and saying all the right things to assure a date. Once I'm out with them, there is no issue closing. It keeps me entertained during the week. It is nice to know that I can be the choosy one. I don't need to respond to every girl that calls/text me or gives me attention. I can have preferences. Its also a good feeling that I can have a different beautiful woman to go with me to work events, friends events, hang outs, parties, clubs every night of the week or for any occasion. Also, the fact that I can easily text a girl and have them over for sex is a major ego boost. This however, doesn't make me happy. I am truly only doing this to keep myself busy and for my own sanity. I've been this way since a major long term relationship break up. I would gladly give everything up for a nice meaningful relationship, but I just haven't found anyone that compared to her or feel is worth my time.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I don't get around at all. And I really have no idea why not. All I can do is theorize. I think it's really funny how grown men can range from players to virgins. What are the key differences between them? How open and available one makes oneself. Seriously players seem to have a completely comfort around women, like they own the scene and have no issues getting who they want. They recover any social flops very quickly by almost ignoring it or just letting it flow. Virgins seem to have a bag of nerves when it comes to girls. I used to find that very attractive.
somedude81 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I do agree with this. If the survival of the human race depended on men being attractive, we would have died out long ago. We may be on that route. Only up till very recently, women were property. It didn't matter if the woman found the man attractive. How open and available one makes oneself. Seriously players seem to have a completely comfort around women, like they own the scene and have no issues getting who they want. They recover any social flops very quickly by almost ignoring it or just letting it flow. Hmm, that's something to think about. Virgins seem to have a bag of nerves when it comes to girls. I used to find that very attractive.You were probably in the minority. I don't see that being attractive to any woman. BTW, I am a virgin*
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) Rose-spray, try it on the rest of your wordy post that reek of BS. No hun, she'll remember you existed, but that's about it. I have done the deed and quite frankly the vast vast majority of it fades from memory and doesn't stay behind with any more meaning then a number once upon a time. I know men are pretty attached to their sexual pursuits, but women are more impressed by history and the impressions you can make on them by sticking around and appreciating the little things about them. They love men for all of the little things more. I.e. the way he ties his tie, the way his hands feel when he rubs her neck. (unless you make a grand impression, which isn't easy to do in the short-term) A little in and out and a delusion of grandeur on a Friday night makes you a one-hit wonder. You fade. Women aren't men, we don't operate like you. I do sense quite a bit of bitterness from this post. Maybe you were used by a guy, but that doesn't make every man who isn't interested in putting a ring on a woman's finger, or isn't interested in anything long-term, to be the evil witch from the east(or is it west? never memorized that). Maybe the man in question(the one you did the deed with) wasn't that interested in making it special for the woman. Maybe your own beliefs and expectations made it worse than it really was. Maybe it decreased the quality of the encounter to absolutely zero. Maybe it was good, but turned out bad. Who knows. I do wonder at the aggression being displayed here. It's as if you are angry at the men who are the way they are and accept their own nature. Truth be told, many, many guys would act the same if they hadn't been societally wired to be 'tamed' and if they weren't judged by it. I've seen quite a few guys refusing their nature and suffering from it and worse: marrying or having a long-term relationship and making the woman suffer. Because they weren't made for that. Why do we accept that some people are never going to be football stars no matter how hard they try, but we can't accept that many women and many men weren't made to be with one person 'forever' or for a designated, non-calculated timetable? Why do we feel the need to shun the people who are different, with a different lifestyle, and why are we incapable of seeing it from their point of view? Why can't we talk honestly about our decisions and our actions without having the Spanish Inquisition of love and morality banging down on our doors, to put us to the stake because we aren't working jobs we hate to support a family? So much hatred. Strangely, the women who were interested in me understood this facet of my personality and accepted it. I've never tried to change a woman's mind about what she wants and doesn't want, because that'd be treason(free will) and I'd cheapen all of the contact I was having with her. I was never put in a bad light by the women who were with me. If you are wondering if every woman left my presence extremely sexually satisfied, I can't assure you that! AH! She left with her expectations of what I am, what I could be for her, and everyone was happy with what happened. pursuits, but women are more impressed by history and the impressions you can make on them by sticking around and appreciating the little things about them You're talking about how, lets say, Susan, has a smile capable of making the sun retreat in shame? Or how, when we are talking about ourselves, she tells me of her fears, her desires, her goals and her dreams, and I support her in whatever pursuit she wants to take part in? How I make her feel extremely desirable, sexy, and lusted after? How I stimulate her emotionally and intellectualy by taking part in whatever subject she wants to talk about? I don't really need to stay 20 years in a job to know that I don't like it. Same can happen with a woman. I can make her feel appreciated in 1 hour, one day, one week, one month - I don't need to be part of the entirety of her life for her to know that I 'get' her, that I understand what she's about. Something curious about people is that when you interact with a lot of people, you develop yourself to understand how people are and how to make them feel good about themselves(players use this to make women feel bad about themelves and 'score' with them). I do so, I make them make a diamond house out of those extremely positive feelings and information, and their lives suffer an upgrade. No, I do not intend in getting married and in having children. My longest relationship was 1 month and I wasn't that happy about it. I had feelings for the woman and I am thankful for the pleasure and for all the good she did to me by making me realize that I wasn't made for the whole hubby, wifey, baby, house, affair. I am true to myself. I can't say the same about everyone. And that's why people suffer when dealing with the opposite sex. I am true to the women and even to the men around me. I am honest to the women I want to be with, and I am honest to the women I have no interest in. They love men for all of the little things more. I.e. the way he ties his tie, the way his hands feel when he rubs her neck. (unless you make a grand impression, which isn't easy to do in the short-term) You're telling me that the typical way of meeting women(that women are advocates of), approaching women, have nothing to do with the little things? How I have the tendency of giggling after ending an icecream.It's endearing. How soft my hair is and how dark my eyes make her feel she's swimming during the night - all of that and so much more that can be captured at one moment's notice. You could spend your entire life with someone and never really know that person and you could choose to have someone in your life a much lesser fraction of time, and know everything about the person - and still have time for a great, emotional bonding, that will LAST in it's nature of being temporary. A little in and out and a delusion of grandeur on a Friday night makes you a one-hit wonder. You fade. No. I enter her collective thoughts. I am another great stride into her self-realization. How can someone know that beach is what they want, when the field is all they ever had? I add another great experience to her life. I make her want something more different, or something more like what she had like me. I can make her want a man who is different in the way he interacts with the enviroment of his emotions. Or maybe she wants a more 'realistic' guy who knows that love and bonding don't make for a living. What I am? I am an artist of happiness. I am a poet of expansion. I am a sculptor of tenderness and equality. I am what every man should be. True to himself, and not to this silly society. I also wanted to add that this myth of how 'women aren't like you, they aren't like men' to be nothing more than propaganda by the men who don't women to be free to pursue their deepest and most dark of desires, with the intention to put women in their 'rightful' place. Women are like men. Women can go to the mall and decide to have sex with a very attractive man or with an average man. It doesn't make her a 'slut' and it doesn't mean that she was molested as a child or/has low self-esteem. Women don't bond forever. Neither do men. Christ's sake, we aren't Swains or whatever it is that stays forever with the partner. Edited March 30, 2011 by Mr.Cairo
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Dear Casanova. I mean, Mr.Cairo: I agree. Sex can be easily found, but to conquer someone's values is to live like our ancestors lived: true to ourselves. That sounds as if you are on a rather concerning power trip - you equate, or feel the need of "conquering someone's values" in order to be "true to yourself"? I don't. And I am true to myself. Whereas some of my most pleasurable sexual activities were done with average/pretty women, but by belonging to the Church, having religious parents, they were as oblivious to the pleasures of carnal desire as I am to the ramblings of Obama. Better yet is to emerge yourself in their sexual blossoming without having to pay for it like many, many guys have(relationships, marriage, whatever) to. Are you saying you really get off on convincing naive and innocent virgins to abandon their principles in order to have the big thrill of being poked by you? Sounds enchanting. If you manage to make such a woman open up to yourself in such a grandious level, and IF you do it, without resorting to cheap tactics such as 'gaming', lying to her, or by using other nefarious methods: you become a god. You become an artist. An humanitarian. A selflshess being of pure desire, contradicting yourself and her upbringing and releasing her from the silly notions of purity and dedication to old fashioned values. Sorry. I really don't think that's the case. But thanks for the laughs. I fear you have delusions of grandeur. Why don't you leave women who don't share your hedonistic values alone, and just play with those who are like minded with you? It only makes you realize how amazing life is and if you can make a large number of women happy about life and about yourself, it's your right -your right! - to break those chains and make her feel like a pure being, made of Venus and made of sexual explosion. : Your "right"? No way, dude. Reminds me of a soap opera, foreign, I'm watching. The action takes place a few years after the fall of the fascist regime and the people are still living in their 'God' conditioning. A woman there, in her early 20's, attractive, is having sex with pretty much every man she finds attractive. Her grandmother pulled her to the side and told her that if she continues in that path she's never going to find a guy who gives her value. How well that grandmother exemplifies the stones of the ancients. A man can't value a woman because of her high number of sexual partners? But didn't you just tell us that having a woman who'd been had by many was not equal to the thrill of, um, deflowering? Anyway, I guess it's a privilege to all of us here on LS to have a true God of Love here among us, but shouldn't you be out spreading the joy of your manly powers, you lothario, you?
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) Dear Casanova. I mean, Mr.Cairo: That sounds as if you are on a rather concerning power trip - you equate, or feel the need of "conquering someone's values" in order to be "true to yourself"? I don't. And I am true to myself. Are you saying you really get off on convincing naive and innocent virgins to abandon their principles in order to have the big thrill of being poked by you? Sounds enchanting. Sorry. I really don't think that's the case. But thanks for the laughs. I fear you have delusions of grandeur. Why don't you leave women who don't share your hedonistic values alone, and just play with those who are like minded with you? : Your "right"? No way, dude. But didn't you just tell us that having a woman who'd been had by many was not equal to the thrill of, um, deflowering? Anyway, I guess it's a privilege to all of us here on LS to have a true God of Love here among us, but shouldn't you be out spreading the joy of your manly powers, you lothario, you? Casanova? Casanova was a dog, sleeping with everything with a skirt on. The women I've been with, sexually or not, were all special in their own way. Lets say that a woman only has one sexual partner. Is she now Adam's wife because she was true to her nature? Or she was an ice queen? Whatever suits your fancy, that's how people get labels. That sounds as if you are on a rather concerning power trip - you equate, or feel the need of "conquering someone's values" in order to be "true to yourself"? Nope. Power doesn't exist in a romantic interaction. There is balance between the desire and what the other wants to happen. When there's perfect balance, sex might happen and when it happens, it's amazing. You agree that women should only be with the men they are attracted to? That despite all of the crying of the men on the LS forum, that women are shallow, and that they should be given a chance - to be nothing more but the attempt at dominating women? Because that's what they want. When I speak of conquering I speak about being true about myself. Of making the woman free of what she doesn't like, but can't move from that spot because another 'city' was never met. Many, MANY, young and religious women are in those religions because they were raised by their parents to be like that, to believe in what they were never given a choice to believe in. I once met a woman, 25 years old, who was to marry her boyfriend. Do you know when they began dating? When she was 11 years old. She was never given the opportunity to meet another man. She was raised in a convent, always being watched. She never knew if she was interested in him or not. This is conquering. Is to take the dragon's head and rescue the person in need of options: 'Should I have this life, or should I opt for this now that I can see it?' Was I wrong for making her understand that she is not a piece of meat to be traded between old families? that she has free will. She can deny that man, heck, she can deny me! She can become a nun or she can become a singer. It doesn't matter. I served my purpose as a worthy human being by opening the doors of perception. What I told her, how I made I feel, completely changed her world. Do you think that people who don't allow their little girl(when she was a girl she needed to be operated) to be worthy of having her? Why should a man who, simply by having the resources and the family name that her family sought after, have this woman? He doesn't deserve her. I was more of a partner to her, in the few days we spent together, than he was in almost 2 decades. Yes, I am a conqueror. Of dying religions and of societies created by corrupt, evil men keen on putting women 'in the place they belong to'. Are you saying you really get off on convincing naive and innocent virgins to abandon their principles in order to have the big thrill of being poked by you? Sounds enchanting. Now this is both hilarious and sad. The fantasy of the pure as snow virgin still exists? That women - the virgins - don't even watch porn, and that every attractive guy in the street, none of those can make her body react? Or that you need to marry her to have sex with her? or that virginity is a woman's most prized gift to a man? How powerful it is, the evil that men do. They've really brainswahed women into thinking that virginity is all that a woman has to offer, with the importance put in it. But didn't you just tell us that having a woman who'd been had by many was not equal to the thrill of, um, deflowering? The thrill of opeing her mind to new realities and roads. It's not the act itself, but in: 1)Being honest to oneself. 2)Being important to her. 3)Bringing a woman into the pleasures of the flesh. Returning to the subject of virginity, you know, every woman is a virgin before being sexual for the first time, and it's not like they're all saving themselves for marriage. Matter of fact, I remember this extremely religious woman whose daughter(and she was raised to be pieous) was caught having sex with a guy in the local gardens. Oh. Let me guess. She was raped, am I right? Women don't really have sexual desires. It's the big, bad man, who makes it happen. Or another who'd act like a little Angel but would have jumped the bones of her favorite singer or whatever other guy she found to be most attractive. How sweet you are. I remember a convent in the village I was spending holidays with my parents, as a kid, and the girls from that convent(the virgins and the 'reborn-again virgins) were far more naughty than the guys. But what is to expect,heh? the victimhood card has to be kept by the women and by the men who don't want to understand - or can't - other people. I fear you have delusions of grandeur. Why don't you leave women who don't share your hedonistic values alone, and just play with those who are like minded with you? What are you speaking of? Delusions of grandeur? Is the man who has a wife for the past 50 years ,a master of self-lies? I have delusions because it's entirely impossible for a man to give a woman a good time - without manipulating her into thinking that he was interested in a relationship? You make it look like that people who are comfortable with how they are, somehow need to have sex with as many women as possible(which I am not interested in) to have a degree of self-esteem. Let me guess. You are in your 50's? Why don't you leave women who don't share your hedonistic values alone Well, it would serve you well to read all of a person's post before jumping into certainties. You must have seen the first few sentences and decided ' oh boy he must be a player, must bring him down before he puts some ideas on some guy's head!'. I do not try to convince women into sharing my values. I am very dissapointed by your use of 'hedonistic' instead of 'interest in having something decent in my life which is, in many cases, the happiness we are all looking for, possible by being honest to myself. The women I'm interested in get to know me. That's how they make their decisions, to either have sex with me or not. I do not create a facade of being what I am not, and I make sure people are sure 100% that I will never be anything else. The women who share my goals and my purposes end up either sleeping with me or not. The ones who don't share my views, those move on to the type of man they are more in tune with. Your "right"? No way, dude. Next time you need a police officer, and he doesn't want to help you, are you going to complain that he didn't fulfill your right to safety? That's what I do. I simply satisfy the right women have to be happy. And the women who want what I can offer, are happy with me. Those who aren't happy, can and do find their right elsewhere. There are so many human beings. Plenty of people are special. Don't try to shame people into being how you want them to be. As for my passionate posts about how I am: this is a sharing forum. We're all expressing ourselves, no one is trying to convert anyone. lol, and nice attempt at trying to make me insult you, by trying to shame my manhood so you can report me since you don't like people like me. Loved those last sentences. Edited March 30, 2011 by Mr.Cairo
welikeincrowds Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 There's all sorts of definitions floating around in this thread. Everyone seems to have a different idea of what a player is. Why don't I start off by sayi I would just love to have women competing over me. I'm too nice of a guy to use and abuse women. And that's probably why I could never be a player. Nope, this is more important. Have a seat somedude, I'm going to tell you a story, and you don't you dare tl;dr me. ❧ There's a rapper right now I really like, this kid from LA, can't wait for his new album. He has this line: "I am a unicorn." He explained it in a recent interview: it was the thought that occurred to him upon fully understanding the cliche, "You can be whatever you want to be." He said he can literally be whatever he defines himself to be, and there is no good reason to believe otherwise. He goes on to say in this interview that he is actually a table. Yes, his point is absurd. But is it any less absurd than allowing others to define him instead? To say to him "You can't be a famous rapper because X, Y, Z?" And by others, I don't literally mean people in his life who might say that to him. I bet there have been people like that, but I doubt they came up with that message by themselves. The truth is, they got it from the culture, just like the rest of us, and he did, too. We all internalize messages early on about what we are supposed to be, and what we are not, what we cannot be. And most of it is based on some arbitrary ****. I'm sure you can think of some examples. Skin color? Where you grew up? How much money your parents have? The angle of your nose? That's why you'll say something as absurd as "I can't be loved by women because of X, Y, Z." You don't see it as absurd because you've heard and felt that message for so long, but you are passively allowing people like Eternal Sunshine, or that stupid blog you linked to, or whoever and not you decide who you get to be and how you define your life -- even though your will tells you that it's not right, which brings you into conflict every time you think about your desires (which, I'm sure, is daily), and that's why you feel broken and flawed -- that's why you have an existential crisis. ❧ The rapper I was talking about, by the way, is this kid called Tyler the Creator. He played on Jimmy Fallon this month. His latest song has 4.3 million hits on Youtube. He's 19 years old. He's a skater from LA with a few rap demos, man, you know how many of those there are? But he's not just some skater now, he's Tyler the Creator, no, he's a table. ❧ There's a reason I brought up a rapper specifically: it's been on my mind, because the other day, my boss and I were talking about rap artists. We concluded that there is not a single successful rap artist that doesn't promote "saying **** you to the haters." That doesn't feel very significant, because it's so common, being such an easy thing to mimic, right? Anyone can sample some jazz piano, hook up a microphone, fire up ProTools and say "**** the haters." But to truly believe "**** the haters," I think, it the big secret. Because to earnestly, fully believe that message to your core, is to be free. It means completely dismantling the negative voice in you that tells you "you can't," which is how you tell yourself "I can't." "**** the haters" is "**** the world, I'll define myself." The strongest rappers have a clear identity and a clear goal and they do not let it become compromised. So then you have the most common theme in rap: the epideictic, definitive, "This is who I am (and this is who you are not)" song. I mean how else could you imagine going from being poor and discriminated in a hostile environment, to being a billionaire cultural icon? Who doesn't know who Jay-Z is? "Come on welikeincrowds, why are you bull****ting me about Jay-Z, the guy is obviously a talent and a genius." No. 20-25 years ago he was just some skinny black kid with big ears and no money from the projects. Of course he's a talent, but thank god he had the balls to say "I have the balls to say ____", because we would have never found out now would we? Nope, Jay-Z said **** the haters. Jay-Z said he is whoever he says he is -- and he's the only one who gets to say anything meaningful on the subject. Just like Tyler and the unicorn. ❧ You should stop telling yourself "no", somedude. I don't know what else I gotta do, write you a ****ing book to get you to hear this, because I know it's not the first time I've said this to you; but I promise you, this message is the beginning of the path toward to solution to your crisis. FIN
Star Gazer Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 But to truly believe "**** the haters," I think, it the big secret. Because to earnestly, fully believe that message to your core, is to be free.[ You are...brilliant.
somedude81 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I've heard of the concepts of identity and having a strong reality. I admit that my identity is pretty poor and almost undefined. I know who I want to be but I have an internal list of requirements that say unless I meet x, y, and z I can't be that. How do I change that? I don't have a shred of cockiness in me, and the world (my experiences) keeps telling me that I shouldn't.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I've heard of the concepts of identity and having a strong reality. I admit that my identity is pretty poor and almost undefined. I know who I want to be but I have an internal list of requirements that say unless I meet x, y, and z I can't be that. How do I change that? I don't have a shred of cockiness in me, and the world (my experiences) keeps telling me that I shouldn't. Cockiness is useless. It gives you nothing but problems. You get over your head and then you have to pick up the pieces of your cockiness. Develop confidence. Working out makes you stronger, makes you masculine and it gives you plenty of feel-good chemicals, also increasing your confidence to decent levels. Sit down and translate that internal list. Put down on paper what you want out of life. What you want from you. What are your expectations about yourself, how you are going to get them, and how to change and how to better yourself. Start small. Create your own personal notebook. Put it, in the very first page, this: 'Next monday I'm going to walk for 10 minutes'. You do that. Just walk those 10 minutes. Return home, risk away that sentence, and add another. Grow your own way out from the little things into the next big things. It will take some time, but it doesn't matter. Get rid of what you don't like. You will feel much better.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I've heard of the concepts of identity and having a strong reality. I admit that my identity is pretty poor and almost undefined. I know who I want to be but I have an internal list of requirements that say unless I meet x, y, and z I can't be that. How do I change that? I don't have a shred of cockiness in me, and the world (my experiences) keeps telling me that I shouldn't. WLIC gave you a good picture of the goal... to define yourself in whatever terms you like... which is a great goal. The story was well written and pretty, but the fact is that you are looking for a change in how others see you and treat you. Calling yourself a unicorn won't do that anymore than dressing like one. I built my identity as a teen through athletics and academics. I was always a member of a team... and that gave me an identity and a place to belong. Football, wrestling, rowing... ect. There are other things that helped... but I would not be who I am today without those things. I suffered a lot after they went away.
somedude81 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 With cockiness, you don't really care about what other people think. You do what you want, because you want to do it. Sure some of it may be baseless, but by the sheer fact of being out there, good things can come of it. I work out with weights, 2-3 times a week and jog/bike ride on my off days. Though I'm an ectomorph and it's hard for my body to build muscle. Still it is a bit of an ego boost to see guys with arms smaller than my own. I have put a lot of time into the gym. The problem with my list that I want to accomplish, is that I don't know the actual steps necessary. It's basically Step 1: Meet a girl Step 2: Talk to her Step 3: ??? Step 4: Sexcess!
dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Mimic those that have some success with women. Right down to little traits, the way the dress, their posture etc. Go for the most optimistic of the bunch.
welikeincrowds Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You are...brilliant. SG, you are my #4 fan How do I change that? You don't have to be or do anything special, you don't have to have any sort of character trait or attitude. Just get rid of the list. "I can't be loved by many women because X, Y, Z" -> "I can't be loved by many women." Isolated the statement, and then get rid of it. "I can be loved by many women. I am capable of being loved by many women." Now you have the freedom to go after your goal. That's what you need first: the freedom. It still takes work, but you have to start by simply believing that it's attainable. It's attainable if you say so. Picture the goal and believe that you can get it, and don't let anyone else tell you "you can't" for any reason, "You're not attractive, you're not wealthy, you're not blah, you're not blah". It's all bull**** because you can. I don't want to confuse you, but I also want to point out a next step. A lot of those X, Y, Z reasons you can come up with are actually other desires of yours, often less fundamental ones. For example, "I can't be loved by women because I'm not in shape." Then you can ask, "Why am I not -- why can't I be in shape?" If you keep thinking it through you can list out the entire web of your life's desires, which is a really cathartic thing to plot out. You can also start to distinguish in your desires between what is actually a goal of yours (being loved by women, being fit, etc.), and what is just a reason you thought you had for why you can't do something (things you were born with, parts of your past). Anything you can separate into your own "Why can't I?" is a goal, anything you can't is bull****. Try it out and see how far you get with it.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 With cockiness, you don't really care about what other people think. You do what you want, because you want to do it. Sure some of it may be baseless, but by the sheer fact of being out there, good things can come of it. I work out with weights, 2-3 times a week and jog/bike ride on my off days. Although I'm an ectomorph and it's hard for my body to build muscle. Though it is a bit of an ego boost to see guys with arms smaller than my own. I have put a lot of time into the gym. The problem with my list that I want to accomplish, is that I don't know the actual steps necessary. It's basically Step 1: Meet a girl Step 2: Talk to her Step 3: ??? Step 4: Success! You're confusing the self-centerism of cockiness with the confidence a self-secured human being has. I've given you a list of what you can do to change yourself. From little, to big. I've also told you how to increase your chances in getting sex or a girlfriend. You have to make an effort. Nothing comes for free. There's no formula for what you want. There is no 'step by step guide'. You gotta work yourself and then it happens or it doesn't. But you think too much, you worry too much. You crave too much. You need to pull some heavy iron to get all of that out of your head.
somedude81 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 ]Mimic those that have some success with women.[/b] Right down to little traits, the way the dress, their posture etc. Go for the most optimistic of the bunch. That's much harder than it sounds. The first problem is that I can't change my height or face. Then the guys who I see succeeding with women, seem to be pretty cocky. They don't care if they are annoying. I see girls react in a way where they pretend to be upset and then an hour later they're going at it. I just can't fake that kind of personality. welikeincrowds, a lot of the stuff you are talking about sounds like CBT. I've already been through that. I can try to trick my mind all I want. But in the end when I'm rejected by a girl, it's hard to believe I'm a pimp. I don't have the mental strength to set aside reality. And in turn I'm crushed by it. There are several goals that I'm working on and need to pay more attention to. It's late and I can't really address this point properly. You're confusing the self-centerism of cockiness with the confidence a self-secured human being has. You're right. I'm neither confident nor cocky so I can't really tell the difference between them. There's no formula for what you want. There is no 'step by step guide'. That's what sucks the most. I wish there was a guide where if I did these steps, then x result will happen. One of the things that I hate most about my dealings with women, is that I always seem to find a new way to fail. With enough trials, a success is supposed to happen eventually right?
dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Go out and get rejected 100 times and see what the common factors are. I am not joking. If you go out and try to make conversation with 100 random girls and ask for their number/coffee etc, and you get turned down each time, try to watch where things went wrong. I also think that if you ask 100 random girls, you will get at least one date.
Mr.Cairo Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 That's much harder than it sounds. The first problem is that I can't change my height or face. Then the guys who I see succeeding with women, seem to be pretty cocky. They don't care if they are annoying. I see girls react in a way where they pretend to be upset and then an hour later they're going at it. I just can't fake that kind of personality. welikeincrowds, a lot of the stuff you are talking about sounds like CBT. I've already been through that. I can try to trick my mind all I want. But in the end when I'm rejected by a girl, it's hard to believe I'm a pimp. I don't have the mental strength to set aside reality. And in turn I'm crushed by it. There are several goals that I'm working on and need to pay more attention to. It's late and I can't really address this point properly. You're right. I'm neither confident nor cocky so I can't really tell the difference between them. That's what sucks the most. I wish there was a guide where if I did these steps, then x result will happen. One of the things that I hate most about my dealings with women, is that I always seem to find a new way to fail. With enough trials, a success is supposed to happen eventually right? If you lower your standards, yes.
welikeincrowds Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 welikeincrowds, a lot of the stuff you are talking about sounds like CBT. I've already been through that. I can try to trick my mind all I want. But in the end when I'm rejected by a girl, it's hard to believe I'm a pimp. I don't have the mental strength to set aside reality. And in turn I'm crushed by it. Clearly the "CBT" didn't sink in, because all I'm reading right now is "I can't attain my goal because of X, Y, Z." You think you've already absorbed this advice because you've heard it all before, as a truism. But go back and read again what I wrote. Any fool can pick up a microphone and say "**** the haters," but they're not believers. You have to do the work and really absorb this message. Speaking of which, the other thing successful rap artists do is hustle, hustle hard. dreamingoftigers is right. The simple fact that you're not willing to ask out 100 girls means you're not going for your goal. But obviously you're not going to do that if don't even believe that your goal is attainable. Once you have that, the only thing stopping you from going for it is that little hesitation before the jump. It's not like you don't know what you have to do.
Cracker Jack Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I really like your overall message, welike. I read it quite a few times. All of it. It's pretty inspiring. I just have to actually believe it can apply to me. Sometimes I feel like obtaining a woman, for me at least, is almost impossible to do. That's a poor attitude, and...I often feel like staying on a mediocre level at 23 is the most comfortable spot for me, since I'm kinda afraid to step outside of my comfort zone for once. That's why the "go out and talk to 100 women" option is pretty interesting. I might have to seriously consider that, because I want to know where I stand at least. Right now, I just don't know how women see me.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I really like your overall message, welike. I read it quite a few times. All of it. It's pretty inspiring. I just have to actually believe it can apply to me. Sometimes I feel like obtaining a woman, for me at least, is almost impossible to do. That's a poor attitude, and...I often feel like staying on a mediocre level at 23 is the most comfortable spot for me, since I'm kinda afraid to step outside of my comfort zone for once. That's why the "go out and talk to 100 women" option is pretty interesting. I might have to seriously consider that, because I want to know where I stand at least. Right now, I just don't know how women see me. Actually it is one step further then that, get rejected by 100 of them. That way if you talk to girl number 45 and she goes on a date with you, you kind of have a "mission accomplished." And you get used to rejection and it doesn't bother you as much.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Actually it is one step further then that, get rejected by 100 of them. That way if you talk to girl number 45 and she goes on a date with you, you kind of have a "mission accomplished." And you get used to rejection and it doesn't bother you as much. Even ask for feedback from the women that reject you. I am not kidding. Treat it like a business advertising campaign. De-personalize it.
Author Woggle Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 The key is to live your life and build yourself up and women will naturally be attracted to that. After my divorce I put my energy into building my career and building my social life without even worrying about getting a woman. I also didn't put women on pedestals and was quick to tell them to take a hike if they started giving me any grief. In a way it was cockiness but for the first time in my life I was doing good and that vibe I gave off was very attractive.
mbxdad2 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) note removed Edited March 30, 2011 by mbxdad2
waynebrady Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 It really does just seem to reinforce narcissistic tendencies. The same thing applies for women who want the man to chase her and put in all the effort and jump through hoops to get her.
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