Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Just ignore him. It's really not worth all this effort, DoT. Cheers Thanks, I got what I wanted. I agree that it doesn't make you a cheater. But it suggests that you have it in your character to be. But no, you are not an official cheater. If we put aside your situation for a moment, lets say I was in a committed relationship and my woman at the time jumped in a car with someone knowing what it entails, but decided to not go further. I just got a glimpse of her character, and it would not sit well. While she didn't officially cheat, it was in the back of her mind. I now do not have confidence that she wouldn't cheat in the future. So I'm not calling you a cheater. Just describing how it would look or how it might be perceived. One thing to make note of: I am really not a cheater by design and that night particularly solidified it for me. When it comes down to it, it kind of just makes me . I don't think I could ever cheat because the feelings alone are just so unnatural. I guess it would be kind of like finding out 'for sure' that you aren't gay. And at that point the committment had sure left the relationship in a big way. I would say that under the circumstances that it shows that I might go be with someone else when separated. I am not sure of my stance on that considering that I was separated from my spouse for 6 weeks. It seemed pretty well over. I am okay with your assessment and appreciate your stance. You may not have gone through with the act..but the intent was there. Your morals stopped you and I believe your response was done in anger. Actually at the time I remember just feeling very deprived and lonely. Then I was angry because I couldn't even feel less lonely or less deprived. Just being honest. Like you acknowledged, not very smart or mature. Lesson learned Yes but intent does not equal action unless we want to get right down to it and say if you have looked upon a woman with lust then you are an adulterer. Big lesson learned. Never to be learned again. My answer to changing the situation or how I felt didn't reside with cheating. I know that I won't peek through that window again. Thanks.
Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Sure, you're welcome. Whatever feeds your ego. As I said before, the only person you're hurting is yourself. This whole thread is not solving anything so if you think your long paragrahs are hitting anything they're not. Figuring out my own issues help me feed my ego, which is a pretty good thing considering I had low self-esteem for so long. So thanks, you brought an issue up for me and reinforced it by invalidating what I was saying, so now I am better equipped to deal with invalidation. I haven't hurt myself yet and I know that tactic from my childhood too, the good ole' blameshift-shame. My Dad liked to say that anytime I was upset about something (no matter how legitimate) that I was only hurting my mother (who really didn't give a crap about anyone but Oprah). He was often masking that it bothered him and that he couldn't deal with it. I didn't hurt myself by creating this thread or confronting your words. I did myself a favor, and inadvertently you did me one too. You were wrong whether you admit it or not. Problem solved. My long paragraphs helped me to organize my thoughts and defend myself. If they didn't reach you, that wasn't where they were meant to go anyways. I like my long paragraphs, I like my run-on sentences too. I also like to capitalize frequently. I'm quirky. I believe everything in life can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you look at it, I just needed someone else to help me adjust my focus. I don't need to hit ignore. You might be helpful to me in other ways down the road.....who knows right? Happy posting. Now I can get back to solving the world's problems. Starting with mine.
Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Perhaps another lesson I need to learn is summarizing.
Memphis Raines Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 One thing to make note of: I am really not a cheater by design and that night particularly solidified it for me. When it comes down to it, it kind of just makes me well at least you didn't actually go through with it, intent or not. you don't want to stoop to his level.
Author dreamingoftigers Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 well at least you didn't actually go through with it, intent or not. you don't want to stoop to his level. Thank you. I will say that it is something that I don't want to become aquainted with on an even more personal level.
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