scalcs Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 i have been divorced since last sept 2010, we were togheter for 12 years, married for 10. It ended i did not want it too, but it did and i accepted that. My ex continually tries to become friends with me, i dont want this, we have children together, i have kept things civil and kep the communiction open becuase of kid issues, but she always tries to make excuses to talk with me, even if it is something that is not kid related. i tried the friendship thing, but does not work for me, she trys to take advatage of me, askeing for extra money. I pay her child support which comes out to $200 a week, i am not rich and i have the kids three days out of every week, sleeping at my house so i have them for almost half the week. too me i feel i should not have to pay anything becuase they are with me almost half the week, so why do i pay, i feed them cloth them and house them, and love them most important just as much as them, but yet i have to hand moeny to her, anyways getting off point, do you think i am being unfair not wanting friendship from her, i dont want it, she trys, but for her selfish reasons. what does everyone think, i dont have a problem if you disagree with me, just want input
Tiberius Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Make friends with her to keep the peace, but dont give her anything you dont want to give. You are paying for your house and the children and child support on your own. If you dont have the money you dont have it and let her know why. Once you get a new woman in your life she will grow more distant anyway.
Duckduckgoose Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 You don't have to be friendly with her for any other reasons but the kids. When she left you she lost the privilege of your friendship/companionship. I say keep it civil for the kids but don't give her any other kind of information about your life and don't let her be buddy buddy with you. She can't have her cake and eat it too.
Duckduckgoose Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Once you get a new woman in your life she will grow more distant anyway. Not always the case. Some exes will get psycho as hell when the spouse they abandoned moves on. EVEN IF that person is attached too. Its like they are pissed off because the person they ripped their heart out and stomped it in the ground is not busy pining after them and is moving on with their life. I say gtf over it, you dumped them off like a used piece of trash, and they were really a treasure that someone new now has.
Logik Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 If you were friends you'd still be married. A friend doesn't up and walk away from you. She lost the companionship privileges when she left. There's nothing else you need to discuss with her unless it's strictly about the children. No more.
Author scalcs Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 i felt the same way as other, just wanted to hear other peoples opions, the friendship thing is a very self serving thing for the dumper. They want to have you in their lives, but not as a romatic partner. Also my ex does things like being nice to me, so i can do extra things for her, and i was doing this in the past, and once she got what she wanted, did not hear form her for a long time>> well last time i got into a fight with her, so i am hoping she does not bother me anymore, i used some choice words, so hopfully this backs her off, plus my family has told her to stop calling except for kids stuff
SunshineAllie Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 My husband wants to be friends now, he left about 6 months ago, I can't he keeps his business tight and cofidential...I'm suppose to discuss my life. I never felt like we were friends while we were together, why does he expect me to be friends with him now.....I've been asking for 17 yrs. Now that he's moved out we're suppose to be jolly buddies . I can be civil for the kids but sorry that's my limit. Why does he treat me like I'm such a horrible person because I can't do this?
Craig2425 Posted April 16, 2011 Posted April 16, 2011 No you don't have to be friends with her. My stbxw wants that too. I don't want the divorce,she does. Why should she get everything she wants?
change Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 If you were friends you'd still be married. A friend doesn't up and walk away from you. She lost the companionship privileges when she left. Do you really think that? I'm curious, because I'm in the quandary of working on a friendship with my wife three weeks into an out-of-house separation in which she is going to casually date other people in the process of working through her issues. We're still attending MC, though, and she still sees the possibility that we will reconcile down the road, as do I. We were also best friends throughout our marriage. I love her deeply, and she loves me, but may not be in love with me anymore. (She's pushed those feelings down long ago because of trust and fear of rejection issues that I had a heavy hand in causing.) She doesn't know what will return when the trust and fear subside. She doesn't want to make any promises. But she only has one foot out the proverbial door, casual dating aside.
Telecaster Posted April 19, 2011 Posted April 19, 2011 This friendship thing is something I'm having real difficulty dealing with. My wife of 10 years walked out 4 weeks ago. No OM as far as I can tell just got fed up with my negative mindset - brought on by collapse of my business, the debt incurred from this and fear of losing the family home through bankruptcy. It has been a terrible 2 years for me in many ways and her walking out when i needed her most has sent me into a real nosedive. After my business collapsed I became a house husband looking after our 5 and 2 year old girls. Since she was the wage earner she stopped all utility payments and tried to get her name off the joint mortgage leaving me with no job and no way of paying for anything. This after I used my van to move her into her new flat down the road. Her mum moved in with her so she could have the kids with her while she's at work and i have them half week . Anyway since she walked she has been very friendly and keen to stay on good terms for more reasons than just the kids. She really does say she wants me as a genuine friend and things have been very very amicable. I went with this until I woke up a few days ago and realised what a complete idiot I was doing all this. Putting up curtain rails, fixing her car, plumbing in washing machine etc etc etc. I must admit I was hoping for reconciliation later on and was over doing the 'nice guy' but boy have I been shat on. I always loved her and don't know why but I still do. Anyway today i received a text which was asking me to come over and put her car door mirror back on which she had knocked off. I replied nope sorry I'm busy. No reply from her obviously she's not happy that I didn't come running. So how to proceed? For the kid's sake I have to be on friendly terms. But for me it hurts when I see her and boy it will hurt bad when she files for divorce and finds a replacement. This is a major problem for me and can't find a way to cope with it. I'm devastated by her leaving and even now really want to do everything I can to avoid a divorce. But even if she comes back I don't think a can ever get over the way she just upped and left because the going got tough. So friendship no way. She can't have everything. Just a little polite chat perhaps when we exchange children is perhaps the only way to go.
Soxfaninfl Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 I told my stbx that If she doesn't want me in her life then she doesn't get to have me as a friend. She doesnt get to have it her way. I don't do friends with ex's. I have to be civil with her because we have a 7 year old son. I would tell her if she wants to reconcile then you can start out as friends and see where it goes. Otherwise you are the one being tortured since you didn't want the divorce. I'm in the same situation. you should have the child support calculated by the difference income and how mich time the kids are with you and her. Don't estimate that if you are, You could be giving her more money than she is suppose to get.
marqueemoon4 Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 (edited) Marriage is ALL or NOTHING. She wants it to be nothing, then thats the way it will always be. Of course I never got ALL from her anyway. Its so true, why would I want a "friend" who left me, has lied countless times, was banging some complete tool under the same roof as my son no more than 3months after leaving, and has turned her back on me for 11months? No thanks. Edited April 20, 2011 by marqueemoon4
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