Many men fear being taken to the cleaners in divorce. Some so much so,

[Tiberius]

that they dont get married to begin with and prefer having children and a family without signing marriage papers.

 

Do you think their fear of divorce is justified or exaggerated ?

[NXS]

that they dont get married to begin with and prefer having children and a family without signing marriage papers.

 

Do you think their fear of divorce is justified or exaggerated ?

 

Their fear is well justified however having children without being married is not any better. You still end up paying for an ex and children you don't see. The family courts are completely biased against men.

 

Yes that's how bad it has got.

 

Oh and you can blame 40+ years of radical feminism.

[willowthewisp]

It shows lack of committment which means the relationship is doomed from the very start. Certainly here in the UK the law does not protect the vunerable (the women and children on the recieivng end of a cohabiting man who chooses to walk away) adequetly enough in my opinion. The Supreme Court debated this issue just over a year ago and considered changing the law to more adequetly protect women who found themselves in this position, they decided at this time that it is not possible to legialate on this matter.

 

Personally, I think women need to take back control, I know I will never live with a man before marriage ever again. Why would he buy the cow if he can already milk it? If he wants me, he will have to honour me.

[Woggle]

Go sit in family court for a day and you will see it is very much justified. All women won't do this but the system makes it very easy for those who do.

[UnsureinSeattle]

It sounds sexist to say that men get the short end of the stick more often than not in divorce...

 

...but it does seem that way.

[Thedude22]

Divorce payments as an institution have from the very beginning been based on helping women. In the 50s if you divorced a woman, suddenly she was on the streets as, as a woman in the 50s she would never get a job and would starve unless she got re-married. Thus alimony was created to keep them from starvation.

 

Now, we have ladies pulling in 50k a year, divorcing their husband AND getting alimony. Ridiculous. Men, before you get married go to a lawyer, get yourself an air air tight pre-nup and if possible put a some of your cash in a Cayman Islands account so she doesn't know how much to try to get from you in the divorce case. If the divorce is imminent, meet with all the best divorce lawyers in town so they can't represent her due to conflict of interest. This is how you will make it out alive.

 

Are all women this way? Certainly not, but you need to take precautions boys if you want to take the plunge. With a 63% divorce rate and a sexist legal system, you could lose your entire life in the name of "love".

[threebyfate]

I shake my head at these threads. Most of these guys don't make or own enough to warrant "protection" of income or assets. The same guys want SAHMs but don't want the responsibility of supporting their free sex partner, domestic help and childminder.

 

Do everyone a favour and don't get married.

[Duckduckgoose]

Divorce doesn't just financially affect men.

[What_Next]

Divorce doesn't just financially affect men.

 

No? Well where I live it most certainly does. In my case it would have been near financial ruin for me if my wife and I had divorced.

[marqueemoon4]

No? Well where I live it most certainly does. In my case it would have been near financial ruin for me if my wife and I had divorced.

 

I think you missed the "just". Divorce ruins people mentally, emotionally, AND financially.

[What_Next]

OOOPPSSS! You are completely right.

 

Sorry about that. My mistake entirely. Please accept my apologizes. I need to learn how to read some days...

[tinktronik]

that they dont get married to begin with and prefer having children and a family without signing marriage papers.

 

Do you think their fear of divorce is justified or exaggerated ?

 

I do not believe I will ever marry again (I'm a woman BTW).

 

The problems that I see it that when I signed my divorce papers everything I signed on was set in stone. However b/c we have kids together the most important parts of our divorce (the kid issues, custody, visits, decisions, money) are not set in stone. They are constantly in flux and every few months my ex takes me back to court for more money, or modified money, or changes to custody, or changes to our prior agreements.

 

He does this free of cost with legal representation provided by the courts through the state (in the "interests of the children"). The state thus far has given him less money than we had privately agreed upon, and our visitation has stayed the same... but he has free reign to harass me, belittle me, emotionally abuse me all in the "custodial parent down-trodden right." Every time he takes me to court I have attorney's fees of my own, b/c who in their right mind would go to court against an embittered ex with free legal representation without any of their own? Honestly I'm paying out more to my attorney at this point in fees than I pay out to my own child support obligation. How this set up could possibly be in my children's best interest I don't know. They get less financial support from me than they would otherwise, they have less nice things when they are with me and they have a stressed out parent always in divorce litigation. Screw marriage.

 

I wanted to add that my SO and I have discussed marriage tentatively... But if we were to marry my ex would be able to litigate against my new husband for his paycheck too. Ha....

Edited March 30, 2011 by tinktronik

[Crusoe]

Over the last few years I've watched 9 mates be goonered. All good, honest hardworking fella's. They lost their homes, only get to see their kids once a fortnight, and are financially ruined. Not being with their kids is what upsets them the most. Avoiding marriage, or marrying with a prenup doesn't stop that.

 

Yes, I believe fear of divorce is justified, but if all a fella is worried about is losing money, then maybe any future divorce is justified too.

[tinktronik]

Over the last few years I've watched 9 mates be goonered. All good, honest hardworking fella's. They lost their homes, only get to see their kids once a fortnight, and are financially ruined. Not being with their kids is what upsets them the most. Avoiding marriage, or marrying with a prenup doesn't stop that.

 

Yes, I believe fear of divorce is justified, but if all a fella is worried about is losing money, then maybe any future divorce is justified too.

 

I really feel for men in this situation. Trying to manage kids between people who don't like each other and can't see eye-to-eye is insane. Having to fight to raise and have contact with the children you created suck .... and it goes on for a lifetime.

[threebyfate]

tinktronik, aren't you in a common-law marriage, expecting a child? Reliant on jurisdiction, common-law isn't going to cost much less than divorce.

[TheLoneSock]

This is a conflicting topic for me. I want to get married eventually, and my beliefs also drive me to do so. I am also surrounded by many good examples of successful marriages within my family.

 

The divorce rate is still fact though, and the statistics do scare me. I fear that it is a different world now than what it was when many of my family members were getting married. This fear may be displaced, but it is still there.

 

If anything it merely makes me superbly, if not overly cautious of who I choose to marry. I still plan to do so.

 

Also important to mention is that financial wreckage is not the reason divorce scares me, it's the more emotional, social and physiological impact that divorce has that scares me; so I don't think fear of financial distress is a fair sweeping reasoning.

[tinktronik]

tinktronik, aren't you in a common-law marriage, expecting a child? Reliant on jurisdiction, common-law isn't going to cost much less than divorce.

 

According to my state statutes we are not common-law and have made sure to keep it this way. We both consulted with attorneys in order to keep us not common-law.

 

My SO also agreed not to be on baby's BC before she was ever created. I would never put anyone through the hell of custody fights and state ordered child support. If we split, we split. We agreed to a "plan of action" before she was ever created about what we would do in the event that we did not want to be together.

[CrazyBeautiful]

For me, I think gender has nothing to do with divorce or couples separating. The rising number of divorce rate in the country is not connected with masculinity and the feminine sides. We have to understand that the divorce process is a grueling one. It drains the spirit and body. So, it is not fair to single out men here.

[worldgonewrong]

For me, I think gender has nothing to do with divorce or couples separating. The rising number of divorce rate in the country is not connected with masculinity and the feminine sides. We have to understand that the divorce process is a grueling one. It drains the spirit and body. So, it is not fair to single out men here.

 

You're draining my body and spirit with every bit of spam you leave here.

[Tiberius]

This is a conflicting topic for me. I want to get married eventually, and my beliefs also drive me to do so. I am also surrounded by many good examples of successful marriages within my family.

 

The divorce rate is still fact though, and the statistics do scare me. I fear that it is a different world now than what it was when many of my family members were getting married. This fear may be displaced, but it is still there.

 

If anything it merely makes me superbly, if not overly cautious of who I choose to marry. I still plan to do so.

 

Also important to mention is that financial wreckage is not the reason divorce scares me, it's the more emotional, social and physiological impact that divorce has that scares me; so I don't think fear of financial distress is a fair sweeping reasoning.

 

Look at it this way. If it worked for your parents and if it worked for her parents, then why shouldnt it work for you.

 

If you marry a girl who has a mother at home who taught her where the best divorce lawyers in town are rather than how to be a good wife, then divorce is more likely of course.

[Memphis Raines]

that they dont get married to begin with and prefer having children and a family without signing marriage papers.

 

Do you think their fear of divorce is justified or exaggerated ?

 

their fear of having to pay an X is well justified. As far as taken to the cleaners, if a court were to decide, it would be half of all marital assets. While that may be substantial, I consider taken to the cleaners is the man loses everything and has to start all over.

 

not the case. I do think alimony needs to be abolished.

[TheLoneSock]

Look at it this way. If it worked for your parents and if it worked for her parents, then why shouldnt it work for you.

 

If you marry a girl who has a mother at home who taught her where the best divorce lawyers in town are rather than how to be a good wife, then divorce is more likely of course.

 

Word .

[Memphis Raines]

Personally, I think women need to take back control, I know I will never live with a man before marriage ever again. Why would he buy the cow if he can already milk it? If he wants me, he will have to honour me.

 

and what if he wants proof of that honour from you in return? what if he wants proof that you want him for him. would you sign a prenup?

 

probably not, but what assurances does the guy have?

[Tiberius]

and what if he wants proof of that honour from you in return? what if he wants proof that you want him for him. would you sign a prenup?

 

probably not, but what assurances does the guy have?

 

He can look at her parents. If her parents are married, its no guarantee she wont file for divorce and take him to the cleaners, but its less likely to happen, than if she marries a girl who has a mother at home who did exactly that. Also a woman who whitnessed what divorce was like for her father will be more understanding if the bf does not want marriage and is probably gratefull to have a bf to begin with, when he could have gotten a Russian bride or something on those lines.

[NXS]

This is a conflicting topic for me. I want to get married eventually, and my beliefs also drive me to do so. I am also surrounded by many good examples of successful marriages within my family.

 

The divorce rate is still fact though, and the statistics do scare me. I fear that it is a different world now than what it was when many of my family members were getting married. This fear may be displaced, but it is still there.

 

If anything it merely makes me superbly, if not overly cautious of who I choose to marry. I still plan to do so.

 

Also important to mention is that financial wreckage is not the reason divorce scares me, it's the more emotional, social and physiological impact that divorce has that scares me; so I don't think fear of financial distress is a fair sweeping reasoning.

 

Your fear is not displaced, it's a completely different world now. You can't look at previous generations' marriages and expect the same thing, unfortunately that's what 40 years of feminists attacking the family and brainwashing women has done.

 

You need to thread very carefully. It's depressing, but that's the way it is.