shawn923 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Ok me and my ex girlfriend (who dumped me) broke up 2 months ago. I made every mistake possible, begged her back, cried, and she remained very adamant about "i just dont give second chances". So, me being lost, I came to this forum. Found out NC, and initiated it... Every time i do, i see results within 3 days, every time. She always contacts me to beg me not to shut her out her life. In addition, she generally acts like a jealous ex girlfriend. She DOES still say and act like she still wants me, i can just tell off of body language and just the things she does, i have that vibe. Yet, everytime i try to make a move, she backs off and goes running for the hills. Thats when i usually initiate NC, then she doesnt want me to go. Usually i try to reconciliate quickly when we just start talking again. And this drives her away. Its as if she opens the door for me to come back, but its like im rushing it. Its as if she wants HER to chase ME... is this why she tells me no second chances? to get me really thinking that way? I know she wants me, but maybe im trying too hard and she doesnt want me if im just gonna beg her back? Now im not a fool... I KNOW the vibe im getting. Neither of us are dating... And i mean we are both great looking people, i'm sure if she wanted a bf she could get one easily. We shared a damn near PERFECT relationship that was ruined because of my insecurities and i generally wanted things to go my way... so what im asking is, should i wait this one out? I mean my plan is to take this time around SLOW. I'm going to still NC, but just be available to her if possible. Im not ignoring her... But i do know how to MAKE IT SEEM AS IF things are all fine and dandy. If she hits me up, i respond, but i dont initiate contact. If i see her in school, i wave hi but i dont stop to talk. Basically i act indifferently towards her, and no longer will i show signs of missing her or talking about the breakup, which i always immediately do whenever she contacts me... I just started this plan a day ago, and just seeing some of ur guys thoughtss.... Im well aware many of u are going to say drop it and go NC, but i just feel im not in the friend zone... i honestly feel she still wants more than that. Regardless, im going to try this for 2 weeks or so, then ask her to hangout out. If she says no, then i'll act indifferently about it. Also, immediately if she ever dates or has a new bf, I'm immediately going full NC and NOT coming back. That will be the final straw to wake me up and say NO stupid, its time to move on.
OhioLaw1987 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Look, you just need to stop talking to her period for 30 days. Being yanked around like this, with no real results, is BS. Just cut her off. When she has had time to fully appreciate you, and you can be certain its not just her going back to what is comfortable, then perhaps talk to her again. Otherwise, you cannot be certain this wont just end up the same way. Just leave her alone. Go live your life. Dont worry if she dates someone else. Itll just be a rebound, and if its not, then she was just leading you on, you should be pissed, and just move on. Trust me. I have dealt with, and am currently dealing with, a person who operates like this. IT IS NOT WORTH IT, EVER.
Author shawn923 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I understand. It's just that she acts how u think she would after 30 days of NC after like 2 with me. That's why I think I should act this way and go for it... I just got that feeling. She acts as if she can't let me go, yet can't fall for me so easily. And everytime I go NC is seems to just break her down and push her away... Idk if that route is working for me especially since I already want her back. Does anybody have reconciliation advice? Or is it all just NC and move on?
OhioLaw1987 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Its not necessarily NC and then move on. If she comes back to you after 2 days of NC, what is that really saying? It says she misses having you there. And yes, that feels good; No one would ever question that. However, you broke up because of something fundamentally wrong with the relationship. That isnt to say that you dont have a very real, very special, and very strong bond with one another. While in the abstract that should be enough, the reality is actually quite different. Something just wasn't right, that went beyond your bond and love. Yes, that sucks. Yes, that isn't fair. But its just reality. It doesn't mean you did something wrong. And it most certainly doesnt mean you two wont figure things out. its just that sometimes things between people get weird. You can look up my posts to hear all about that. You can think I am wrong all you want, but if I am so wrong, why aren't you two together, content, and happy? I am not trying to break you down or be a pessimist; there is a point to what I am saying. And it is this: while she may come back after two days of NC, that isn't enough time (not even close) to legitimately FIX whatever she perceived to be the problem that served as the impetus of this entire situation that you have found yourself in. Two days...that is 48 hours. When have you yourself ever undergone TRUE change in that amount of time? When have you ever really thought through something to the nth degree in 48 hours? At the risk of being overly presumptuous, I would imagine that you haven't. So why would she? Thus, 30 days of NC allows her to fully come to terms with everything. It allows you to do the same. I haven't talked to my ex in 30 days, and it has been a total eye opener for me. Its been incredibly difficult. I see her everyday, and we don't speak, when we lived together just two months ago, and had accepted offers to work for law firms in the same city, away from our families and friends. But these 30 days have made me come to terms with everything that was wrong, with everything that was broken. It has done the same for her. While we aren't getting back together anytime soon, if at all, the end result could have been quite different in those 30 days. The point is this: by giving yourselves the ability to surface for air, you come to see things much more clearly. You take off the proverbial rose colored glasses and get a much more realistic picture of what you are doing with this person. What that period will yield for either of you is anyone's guess. But it is the only way to be certain of things. Just sit her down, and calmly explain to her that you think this is the best thing for the two of you. Explain to her that you think this is the way in which you both can gain a more objective view of your relationship, which you believe is necessary to a future that is happy, be it together or separate. Tell her that you want her to be happy. DO NOT tell her you won't date other people, or ask her to do the same. That defeats the purpose. yes, its nauseating to think of a loved one with someone other than you. But trust me when I say, you don't want to put pressure on this girl to behave a certain way, and you don't want to put pressure on her to tell you things you may simply be better off not knowing. Take 30 days, focus on you, think about things, gain a clear mind and perspective, and see where you both stand. If she doesn't understand that, then she doesn't have either of your best interests in mind. Be patient....don't put a time frame on loving someone. That is what I would do.
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