mandyPANDY11 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks into this semester, however it is like we havn't broken up at all. We still hook up, spend most nights together, spend time with eachothers families, and hang out with the same friends. I know this is NOT healthy at all for me, since he does not want to be with me right now. I just do not know how I can go about cutting him out or going NC when we have the same friends. Cutting him out would mean cutting some of my friends out, or having things be akward. Any advice?
Empath Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 "I know this is NOT healthy at all for me" Nobody could fault you for being honest. Tell him that, ad verbatim. If he has any respect for you he will understand, if not, so be it. If your friends are divided because you needed to look after yourself, they are not friends and you are better off without them.
0hpenelope Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Mandy, you need to buckle down and focus on your healing. Do you think you are well enough to establish boundaries for yourself with these friends? Let them know that you do not want to hear anything about your ex and if you want, that they extend the same courtesy to you in not letting him know anything about you. This is what I've done with a mutual friend and I haven't spoken to her in a while as I know I'm not in the place to keep myself from talking about my ex with her. If gradually letting go of your mutual friends is what it takes, so be it. It's not permanent and if they're understanding, they won't give you a hard time about it. If they give you a hard time about it, they've just made it that much easier for you to decide that you can't talk to them for the time being. Involve yourself in new activities, too! That's a great way to make new friends on campus. Clubs? Student organizations? You will find new friends, too. It's time to start separating yourself from an unhealthy relationship and I'm happy that you recognize that, too! Good luck!
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Start NC, he's being very selfish to you. Firstly, he broke up with you, don't want to be with you and yet spending nights and time with you. What is he trying to do? I believe you are being very confused now over his actions, and you don't deserve this kind of treatment by him. Having same friends doesn't mean you can't start NC. I had same friends with my ex-bf and i equally cut him off. Because, he didn't value you as a friend as the baseline of a relationship.
VJohnson32 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Ive been in that position. What you need to do, of course thats my personal opinion and from experience, is to cut all connections with him for a while. My ex wanted to stay friends with me after she broke up with me ... and i said, ok but it was very hard on me. Eventually i couldnt take it anymore and told her i need it time away from her for myself to get over her, she agreed and respected my decision. Unexpectedly, 2 months later i get a call from her asking me if id like to hang out with her, of course i say yes ...and i did but my feelings towards her were changed and only cared for her as a friend. Friend with benefits on occasions. You just need time away and NC with him to get your head straight.
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