Isis87 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Hey everyone. This may be long. I was about to get married in the beginning of February but I realized it was going to be a mistake so 4 days before the wedding we postponed it and on the day of the wedding we broke up. I moved out of the apartment we shared, we were both devastated and we stopped talking to one another. We started talking to one another a few weeks later after we both cooled down and decided to remain friends. We met for lunch on a few occasions to talk about our lives after the break up. During these meetings he expressed how he still felt about me and that he wanted us to date again. I thought it would be best if we remain friends as we had been engaged before and broke up for three days but got back together. Recently we met for lunch and he told me about a girl he had feelings for. I told him I thought it was good because I thought we should date other people, which I told him the last time we had met. The day after our meeting I found out he's in a relationship with the girl. It hasn't even been two months since we were about to get married! I figured he'd at least wait until next month or something. Half of me is shocked because it seems like he got in this relationship so quick. It's like one minute he said he wants to be with me, I say we should just be friends and date other people and now he's with someone else. Now that he is with her, I cut ties with him. I don't really think it's good to talk to ex when you're in a relationship with someone else, especially someone you were about to marry last month. The other half is accepting because I know no matter what length of time, we would never get back together. I'm just unsettled he's dating so fast. This isn't a race.
Mcnulty Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 He's hit the rebound button after your words to him...very quickly I must add! Mine did the same and it hurt that it was so soon, thought I meant more to her, but obviously not. You've done the dignified thing by going NC on him, it isn't fair on anyone to keep in touch with an ex if you're with someone else...that's what i did, so well done and good luck.
Author Isis87 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Thanks for your reply. It means a lot.
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Be glad your not married to him, it is truly a blessing in disguise.
JasonRules Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Isis, Not sure what your complaint is? You told him you weren't interested in him besides being friends. You were supposed to get married to him, but backed out (I assume you did the backing out), and you told him he should date other women. Sounds to me like its a win win situation for you. You got everything you wanted. 1. Backed out of the marriage (check) 2. Told him you wanted to be friends (check) 3. Told him to date other women (check) And even if he is in a relationship, why do you even care?
Author Isis87 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Isis, Not sure what your complaint is? You told him you weren't interested in him besides being friends. You were supposed to get married to him, but backed out (I assume you did the backing out), and you told him he should date other women. Sounds to me like its a win win situation for you. You got everything you wanted. 1. Backed out of the marriage (check) 2. Told him you wanted to be friends (check) 3. Told him to date other women (check) And even if he is in a relationship, why do you even care? I just thought it was very sudden, especially since we were almost married less than two months ago. I may have backed out of the marriage but I didn't hastily go jumping into a new relationship or marriage with someone else. Time does heal all wounds though.
JasonRules Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I just thought it was very sudden, especially since we were almost married less than two months ago. I may have backed out of the marriage but I didn't hastily go jumping into a new relationship or marriage with someone else. Time does heal all wounds though. Sorry for being blunt, but it sounds like your ego is getting the best of you. So you backed out of the marriage two months ago, you told him you can just be friends, you told him to date other women and your patting yourself on the shoulder for "but I didn't hastily go jumping into a new relationship"? I'm not sure I'm following your logic. If a woman dumps me just before the wedding, tells me "let's be friends", and go ahead and date other women she is telling me verbatim she does not want to be with me and for me to move on. And this is what your ex did. You got exactly what you asked for. Whether he's dating or in a relationship now or 6 months from now should be irrelevant to you. The moment you dumped him, he no longer has any obligations towards you. I suggest that you live with your decision, let him live his life, and move on.
Beeotch Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Rebounding...quite common. Unlike most who venture here, you don't want him back it seems. You agree that not speaking is best and that you'll never get back together...sooo I guess it's more of a blow to your ego that he could move on so fast. Because if you don't want him and wanted him to date others etc...then on some level it doesn't matter how fast he dates someone else. Not to feel awful though, because we ALL are subject to our egos. But as long as we recognize it for what it is, then it's easier to get on with things.
stace79 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Don't feel badly. It doesn't mean his feelings for you weren't real. I am in a similar situation. My ex doesn't deal well with being "alone" so every time we break up, he meets new girls very quickly. I think it has more to do with a guy not wanting to be alone, trying to fill the void left by you or just trying to distract himself from the pain of the break up. I don't think it means his feelings weren't real for you or that he didn't care as much as you. Everybody deals with breakups in different ways. I think you are doing the healthiest thing by going NC. That way whatever happens with him & the new girl will be totally based on his actions, and you have no blame or guilt. Also, you are taking care of yourself by being single and sorting out your feelings. It's hard for me to know my ex is seeing some new girl already, too, but try not to take it personally. It will get easier to deal with, and if you did make the right decision, as you said, all will work out in time.
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