hazelbanana113 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I'm so sorry about how long this is, really I am. So My current best friend and I dated for almost 3 months (october-december) and we broke up in January. Our relationship was AMAZING. I thought everything was perfect, like it was the first time I felt someone had liked me just as much as I liked them. We are perfect for eachother. He told me he broke up with me because he just woke up one morning and didn't like me like that. His friends said he does that a lot so I shouldnt take it personally. He said he wanted to be friends and so I'm like yeah I'll try, but by the end of the week I saw the differences in his behavior twards me and I couldnt handle it so I told him we couldnt be friends anymore on that friday. The next monday I walked into school and he looked like someone had DIED. I was really worried and so I gave in and went to ask what was wrong and he told me it was because we wernt talking anymore so I gave in and decided to try and be friends with him. For the next 2 to 3 weeks he was gradually starting showing signs of him liking me again and so I had to talk to him about it and he told me he was 'remembering what it's like to be with me' and thats why he was acting that way. After that talk I stopped flirting with him as much as I could and he started giving me only friendship vibes. I mean, occasionally he would do something that made me wonder you know? But I would dismiss it as 'remembering' and move on. But this past month I've been noticing it left and right. It happens all the time. Right now I feel like I need to like knock on his head and be like " are you for serious right now? Do you need to tell me something!?!?". I had a coversation with him a couple days ago because he kept on flaking out on our plans to hang out and he told me he was scared that I was going to try something on him and he was scared it would feel wrong hanging out side of school and not being together. I was trying to figure out where his head was and so I asked him what went on in his head when he thought about me, and he was just like I dont feel comfortable telling you that and he wouldnt tell me so I gave up. I told him I think he could like me but he just wont admit it to himself, but before I could even finish my sentence he immediately said no, like instantly. To me that either means hes into me and he's in denial about it or he just really doesnt. I also don't take it really as a no because he told me he didnt like me when he did after our first date before we got together. So, I think whats stopping him from telling me no when he really does this time? I also told him that he couldnt be afraid of what could happen between us and if its going to happen its going to happen, and if it doesnt, it doesnt if we hang out" and he was like " I dont think it should happen. I honestly dont think it will, and I know that hurts you and I'm sorry" I just kept on telling him this was about our friendship and he shouldnt be scared. But that doesnt explain everything hes been doing. Hes been messaging/texting me every day. Sometimes it would be 2 or 3 messages. Hes always spending his morning/lunch/after school time with me. He's always hangin around me and always glancing at me at school. Then he always is the one to hug me. After class we talk for like a minute or two and hes like " okay I gotta go to class" and I'm like okay and I stand there for like two seconds and start to walk away and he is just like HUG ME and he hugs me and he smiles and walks away. Then today I had him over at my house for the first time since we broke up. IT WAS INSANE! I felt like everything was just right. We were really close, like knee touching close since we were playing guitar. His chest and knee was facing me and he was smiling at me like a dumbass. His voice was also very smooth and deep. at this point I have NO IDEA what to do. ALL of my friends say he likes me and my best friend is like " Hes retarded, hes trying to cover up the obvious". But to make this worse, His first love is still in the picture. They broke up a year ago because she moved away. I told him he needs to talk to her and get closure, he tells me every time " She was my everything" and just excuses not to. And monday they had a conversation and they admitted they still liked each other. So, what do you guys think? Does he really like me? What should I do about this if he does and he wont admit it? WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?!
Empath Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Hello Hazel. Please forgive my bluntness, but I feel that is usually best. I think you are overanalyzing his reactions, body language and message. It is natural that you are feeling this way, but please bear in mind that what you feel may not be reciprocated. I would advocate looking purely at his actions at this point, rather than the "feel", "look" or signals that you are getting. My personal opinion is that consciously or unconsciously he is fully aware that he is able to manipulate you. This does not necessarily mean that he does not have feelings for you. Merely that he clearly is not certain what these feelings are. You mentioned that he previously responded in a drastic way to your pulling back. A brief siesta was enough to remind him of what he is losing. Unfortunately for you, you cannot reason him back into your life, nor can you expect him to "come around" by making yourself available to him. My advice is to pull back firmly. Tell him you plan on doing so and stick with it. Perhaps you could offer a break and say that after X amount of time you could both communicate again and discuss how the break affected you. Why this works: It will give him time to understand the nature and extend of his feelings towards you.You will have the time to think level headedly about whether or not you are "ok" with his antics. Given his level of insecurity, given time, you may realize that you might be better off dodging the bullet. Important: If you agree to a break, be clear about the level of contact. I advise cutting ALL contact during this period, but limited contact may also be viable. You must then ENFORCE this level of communication. Do not make yourself available to him during this time.Do this for yourself. Think of what conditions need to be met for your own happiness, rather than what he needs. Take the time alone to move forward with your life. Do not simply wait for the time to end. Hope this helps!
Author hazelbanana113 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 Hello Hazel. Please forgive my bluntness, but I feel that is usually best. I think you are overanalyzing his reactions, body language and message. It is natural that you are feeling this way, but please bear in mind that what you feel may not be reciprocated. I would advocate looking purely at his actions at this point, rather than the "feel", "look" or signals that you are getting. My personal opinion is that consciously or unconsciously he is fully aware that he is able to manipulate you. This does not necessarily mean that he does not have feelings for you. Merely that he clearly is not certain what these feelings are. You mentioned that he previously responded in a drastic way to your pulling back. A brief siesta was enough to remind him of what he is losing. Unfortunately for you, you cannot reason him back into your life, nor can you expect him to "come around" by making yourself available to him. My advice is to pull back firmly. Tell him you plan on doing so and stick with it. Perhaps you could offer a break and say that after X amount of time you could both communicate again and discuss how the break affected you. Why this works: It will give him time to understand the nature and extend of his feelings towards you.You will have the time to think level headedly about whether or not you are "ok" with his antics. Given his level of insecurity, given time, you may realize that you might be better off dodging the bullet.Important: If you agree to a break, be clear about the level of contact. I advise cutting ALL contact during this period, but limited contact may also be viable. You must then ENFORCE this level of communication. Do not make yourself available to him during this time.Do this for yourself. Think of what conditions need to be met for your own happiness, rather than what he needs. Take the time alone to move forward with your life. Do not simply wait for the time to end. Hope this helps! It seams everyone has a different opinion on this situation. Talking to multiple people everyone does agree that he is confused and needs time. But, I don't know how to read his actions. How do I stop over analyzing his actions?
homebrew Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) It seams everyone has a different opinion on this situation. Talking to multiple people everyone does agree that he is confused and needs time. But, I don't know how to read his actions. How do I stop over analyzing his actions? I will make it easy for you... Until he asks you out ON A DATE... He is only wanting to be your friend. NOTE: Nobody that has every walked on the face of the planet has ever gotten an EX back by being their friend... So don't be his friend unless that is all you want. Go with the advice in the post above mine... It's is PERFECT! Edited March 29, 2011 by homebrew
Empath Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 But, I don't know how to read his actions. How do I stop over analyzing his actions? You've answered you're own question Hazel! By realizing that you cannot read them! Given enough time he will be able to clarify his feelings towards you. You know that he is confused, because of this, his meanings may change from one second to the other. Because of this you cannot analyze them. Does that make sense?
Author hazelbanana113 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 You've answered you're own question Hazel! By realizing that you cannot read them! Given enough time he will be able to clarify his feelings towards you. You know that he is confused, because of this, his meanings may change from one second to the other. Because of this you cannot analyze them. Does that make sense? Yeah, a little. What do you mean by his meanings? His meanings of what?
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 If he wants you, he will not break up with you. The amazing relationship you felt, it was in the past, even you had typed and said you thought it was the perfect relationship. No relationship is ever perfect as nobody is perfect. If he can leave you so easily, tell yourself this, "Is he that great?" I agree with what Empath said, you have to step back and not for him but for your own good. If a guy really wants to be with you, he will take the action to show it to you. Giving you this kind of half-half move of he wants or he don't want, he's being very indecisive. I believe what Empath is saying is, whether he really loves you and wants to be with you or not may change. Anyway, I hate to say this, he sounds like a fickle-minded person. Only into 3 months of relationship and he had already showed this kind of signs to you, are you really so sure you will be happy with a guy who doesn't know what he wants?
Hopeless Girl Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 OMG the same thing happened to me! Dating for 3 months and out of the blue he just didnt want to be with me. He tells me he misses me and stuff. An guess what,, his last gf was devaastating for him and he had to go to a psychologist. And the same thing happened to me where he told me that he always does that to girls (except for me he had real feelings) . Anyways what Im doing is not texting him and talking to him AT ALL!! just let him clear his mind and see what happens in the future. I dont think he does not like you , I think hes just really confused. Let him be.
holly1234 Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 If he broke up with you but wants you back then its all on you.. Make sure If YOU really love him or want him back, then go for it.. why not? everyone makes mistakes
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Everyone makes mistakes, however right at this present situation, this guy is not showing anything that he has made a mistake and want to work things out with the original poster.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 I know what happened Hazel, he isnt over his ex. You know what happened? It wasnt that he woke up one day and didnt like you anymore, he probably talked to his ex, and found out that she is happily dating someone else. That is the type of news that would make someone act like your ex. if you date someone on a rebound, getting that news would immediatly make you lose interest, because you werent over your ex yet. So right now, all of his actions are because he is thinking of his ex, he cant look at you that way while his ex is depressing him. He keeps telling you things to cover for his depression, but it soundsd to me like he is telling you things to keep you on the backburner until he stops having feelings for his ex. Hanging around him isnt going to make him get over her any quicker, so stop talking to him and let him miss you. he most likely wont wake up, since he tried to date you to forget about his ex and it didnt work, but at least you wont be taking false hope from him.
Author hazelbanana113 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I know what happened Hazel, he isnt over his ex. You know what happened? It wasnt that he woke up one day and didnt like you anymore, he probably talked to his ex, and found out that she is happily dating someone else. That is the type of news that would make someone act like your ex. if you date someone on a rebound, getting that news would immediatly make you lose interest, because you werent over your ex yet. So right now, all of his actions are because he is thinking of his ex, he cant look at you that way while his ex is depressing him. He keeps telling you things to cover for his depression, but it soundsd to me like he is telling you things to keep you on the backburner until he stops having feelings for his ex. Hanging around him isnt going to make him get over her any quicker, so stop talking to him and let him miss you. he most likely wont wake up, since he tried to date you to forget about his ex and it didnt work, but at least you wont be taking false hope from him. This is exactly what I think about this, too. I told him a version of that, but he's so thick-headed he won't listen to me. The only thing that really is making me really want to not stop contact with him for a while is that he is my best friend. I only have 2 best friends. It would be incredibly hard for me to do that. I might not be able to do it for more than 2 days.
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