firebomb636 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 So I am new to this site as of now. I am just really lost and looking for answers. My boyfriend broke up with me five weeks ago and I am struggling so much. I saw him about two weeks ago to exchange stuff and he would hardly look at me but when he did it felt like there was something still there but he was acting like a jerk. Since that day I havent talked to him once, it has been 11 days and I hope this no contact thing will help because he broke up with me out of nowhere I saw no signs except that he kept distancing himself. He said he just doesnt love me anymore and stupid me I begged for him back. Do any of you think the no contact rule will work for me even after making the mistake of begging? I wish he would give me a second chance. I know there are things I have been working on to improve myself and trying to focus on me but I still want him back any suggestions?
Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 it is time to move on and begin your healing journey for yourself. Read this thread on how to get into No Contact Mood for yourself solely and not for getting him back. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271118/
scruffy nerfherder Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 It's hard. I went through and still am going through a similar situation. I dont know your background but you shouldnt be so hard on yourself. You both played a part in the break up, everyone has their own piece to own. You can only take responsibility for yours. Anyhow, my point is, dont be too hard on yourself. Its good that you are taking care of yourself. I guess you need to figure out why he was acting like a jerk to you when you met up with him last time? You dont want to pursue or hope to regain something with someone who doesnt want you back. So my ex and I went through limited contact, not no contact. It worked. I gave him space and called him up after not speaking for a couple of weeks. We met at a park...made sure it wasnt somewhere that had memories attached but yet somewhere that allowed us some privacy to talk. I explained to him how sorry I was (I ended up smothering him out of fear of losing him) and said that in order for me to forgive myself I needed him to understand why I did what I did and I needed him to forgive me. I told him that I was in therapy to try to reslove my issues with my parents divorce which lead to my insecurites; I was trying to heal myself and focus on me. He was open to what I was saying and agreed that he also played a part in the break up. It was a great conversation...a little awkward but necessary. We agreed to try to be friends. We weren't ready or willing to shut each other out completely. But here is where we allowed the mistake to happen. We became intimate soon after we tried friendship. And fell into the "dating" thing again. It was too soon...for us anyhow. And he ended up asking for space three months later. We are still trying the friendship route, this time with serious boundaries. But not sure if it's too late? So after that long story, the only advice I can give is from my own experiences and that to start out slowly if you can regain contact with him. Make sure that you have healed yourself first though. Focus on becoming whatever it was that made him fall for you to begin with...but making sure that being that person makes YOU happy. Find out who you are and what you want. And take things slow. Even if you decide to date again, keep intimacing at a low. Fall in love with each other first or agian, and let things happen naturally. Hope this helps you even a small bit. I know its hard... I'm still trying to regain what I lost and its been almost a year. But I know that there is something worth keeping in my case. Giving him lots of space but being firm when I need to be about what I want and expect from him. I recently told him that if he truly wanted to be friends with me that he had to make a greater effort, I told him if he does not that I will walk away and forget his number because I deserved better, I told him to never treat me with disrespect again. I was quite assertive and no matter what happens going forward, at least I have some self respect and dignity now after standing up for myself. Good luck girl!!
Author firebomb636 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It is very hard. I have recently booked an appointment with a therapist to help me continue my healing process. It has been hard. And what makes it even harder is I have to see him on Saturday because that is when racing starts and we both race. I know I have to stay strong. Im not going to walk up and talk to him but if he says hi to me I will politely say hi back but nothing else. I dont know if I am ready to be friends with him again. But apparently I heard from a mutual friend that he still thinks I am going to follow him around like a puppy dog and beg for him back. Its so great that he can flatter himself that way but he has another thing coming. I heard indifferent is the opposite of love so that is how I'm going to act. Also thanks for sharing your situation, it helps to know other people have been through it and can help me.
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