Dims85 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Hello everyone I'm new here but have seen a lot of great info and want to share my ordeal. Me and my fiance met when we were 19 and have seeing eachother ever since we just got engaged 6 months ago and it seems like everything went down hill from there. Of course throughout our relationship we had arguments and disagreements but were always able to overcome them. We were always quite different people but we loved eachother so much it always worked, she has always been the outgoing type where I am more shy and comfortable in a small group environment. She made a new best friend about a year ago that I never really liked to begin with...the classic single party friend. Starting this year she began to not care about how much time we spent together and got upset with me saying I felt I was no longer a priority due to her busy life. I understood school and work and stuff like that, just never liked how we would hang out very limited yet she always seemed to drop everything to hang out with her friends. Then comes last month Feb 25th she says we need a break to figure stuff out, im completely lost cause I don't know what to do. We end up talking a few times and meeting up over the course of a month. First time meeting a week in she says everything is my fault i'm always ina bad mood i get upset easily and I don't like her friends and enver want to party with them. I agree on some things i can be very irritable and get angry easily so I start taking courses to work on my anger and control my outburst better. A week and a half goes by with lc throughout and we meet on St. pattys day where she tells me she no longer wants children as she does not want to sacrifice her life, i was confused as we werent talking about having kids at the moment but somewhere down the line, and how could she make this decision by herself. She said ultimately its her decision call it selfish if I want but she didnt see it my way. Next day she texts me saying how sorry she is for not seeing where i was coming from she was an idiot and she is just not ready now for kids. I text her several times after this to try and meet up.Fast forward a week last friday the 25th and she finally calls me and says we need to meet up and she can no longer be in a relationship as she has no time. I'm devastated at this point this woman is the love of my life and I had planned on spedning my life with her. We meet saturday for our talk and she says she feels bad for not being able to dedicate the time she needs to me and right now is not the right time for her to be in a relationship going to school full time+full time job+community service(she has a dui) and of course her life. I feel like this is just a cop out and explain to her that we can fix these issues I don't even ask for much I just want to be a top priority in her life. I ask her for my ring back and she is devastated and is crying hysiterically and asks the dreaded "can we be friends" question which i told her no to as it is too hard. She text me a couple times since then saying its so hard she loves me more than anything and she is really losing out on alot but she needs to focus on herself right now. she has also texted my mom saying this is so hard and she doesnt know what to do. My family is like her family they accepted her since day one as she has a very messed up family.I feel angry/lost/confused as to how someone can do this after so many great times and to end it all by saying I have no time. I keep thinking she is just scared and confused, she has a messed up family dad cheats on mom all the time and I feel she is worried it will end up that way. I really don't know what to do I want her back so bad right now I can barely even function. Even though she says she wishes we could be together she keeps saying its not the right time and of course maybe in time we can work out. I am in my 2nd day of nc I know its not much but it is the hardest thing i have ever had to do so far in my life.
Emme Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Dims, honey... it's for the best. I know it might not seem like it now but it is. You are too young to get married. I know your idea is that you know who she is. You know who she is at the age you are now. You have no idea who she will become. Both of you have yet to build on your character. You have a blue print yes in life but you don't know how to even read it yet, if you will. The two of you are finding out more about yourself every day the more you live. The two of you have yet to experience all there is to and that includes other men and women, more life experiences. You've loved her for a long time and that's a wonderful thing. You are blessed to have had that type of relationship. Now she is growing and maturing into the woman she wants to become. She's not sure if the woman she is turing into might want the things she once thought she wanted in life. She is now questioning the reasons why she's been so quick to jump to get married so young. I say marriage should be let say age 30-32. That's when you really have an idea about who you are as an individual. Your character is set in stone, somewhat. If it's over you should let her go. Take this time to also find out about yourself. Learn how you can grow as an individual. Seems you were both possibly dependent on each other. If it's hard for you to stay friends I can understand that. If you need time to be away from her because the feelings are still there be honest and let her know. Tell her what you can accept at this time. Also that ring she has ... get it back.... ASAP. She is not going to keep a symbol of your love for her to wear when she's with another man. Get it back. Try and be civil. Remain calm and think that this is just a chapter in your life closing. There will be many more in your book of life. Good luck to you hun.
Author Dims85 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Thanks Emme, I see some of the points you have for sure. It is just extremely hard to understand how someone can just turn away from something after so much time invested and so much love. The last message she sent me says how much she loves me and it hurts her to do this and how she is losing out on so much. It just doesn't make sense if it hurts that much why are you doing it??? I have been NC for 4 days now except for her showing up at the place I go every tuesday for tacos with a bunch of friends(she never went here even with me) and making it really awkward with her whole group staring the whole time. We didnt even talk I just hung out with my friends like she wasnt even there. To clarify I got my ring back the night we met up when she told me she couldn't be with me anymore.
Recommended Posts