Thank you LS, Success with NC

[Empath]

Just a brief, but very heartfelt thank you to all of you on these boards. I wouldn't be where I am today without you thoughts, honesty and strength.

 

I was dumped by my long-term partner and fell into a depression I thought it was impossible to get out of. Panic attacks, desperation and gloom packed my days and it impacted my work, family and friends to a degree that... well -- I'm sure you already know.

 

This is where I was before enforcing NC

 

 

• Hanging on a thread of hope. She was obviously distressed by the breakup and would send me "I miss yous" and "I want to hear your voice" crumbs anytime I made myself scarce. I overanalyzed and misread causing cyclical bouts of grief.
  
• Unable to accept that her feelings may have differed from mine.
  
• Unable to consider NC as a viable healing process.
  
• I was not myself -- misplaced remorse, feelings of having lost the most precious thing in the world, feelings of inadequacy, feeling intensely lost (physically and emotionally), crying at just about anything whether related to the relationship or not(I hadn't cried since my early childhood).
  

In short, I was the shadow of my old self.

 

But a week ago, thanks to LS, I put the NC foot down and have absolutely no intention of every letting up. Ever.

 

This is where I am thanks to your guidance.

 

 

• I have regained self respect. I made a decision -- and it was mine to make. Perhaps simply the ability to retain power over myself and remember that I am -- ultimately -- in control of my life, was the single most suprising and empowering decision I have ever made.
  
• I'm not waiting for the phone to ring. The knowledge that it is almost certainly over is head and shoulders above the grotesque anticipation that denotes the insecurity of attempting to make sense of her feelings.
  
• I no longer feel responsible for her feelings (she wasn't high-fiving her friends over the breakup -- and has been clear that she is unable to date others effectively because they remind her of me). The beauty of it all is that while I still hurt, and I do regress sometimes, I am increasingly confident of my ability to withstand additional pain. I'm no longer abhored by the thought of her moving on.
  
• I am increasingly comfortable alone, I'm eating again, and sleeping fitfully. Panic attacks have stopped entirely, replaced by mild episodes of feeling "a little shaky".
  
• I'm obviously looking and acting in a healthier way because I am attracting quite a lot of attention from girls. Or at least I'm noticing it more. Though this is still work in progress. To illustrate: At one point a girl who was smoking alone smiled at me and said something but I felt a knot in my stomach and smiled back but walked away (my friends where not entirely pleased with me but I consider it a step forward).
  
• I can smile again.
  
• She is no longer a goddess in my eyes (I still love and respect her but she is now entirely human.
  
• I realize that I was not entirely happy in the relationship either.
  
• I've realized that it wasn't all my fault and that it takes two to tango (I was always loving, honest and loyal but we became too used to each other. Our relationship became grey and predictable).
  

 

I'm not even close to moving on entirely, but for the first time I can look back and see that I've made tangible progress. Thank you all!

[Layzie89]

Very happy for you Empath. I'm 60 days into NC and I too am feeling much better. It's posts like this that keep me going so thank you! May I ask how long you've been NC for?

[Empath]

Only a week. But the breakup was 70 days ago. Before then I attempted LC, but soon the plethora of mixed signal messages brought me to my knees.

 

Dealing with a certainty, no matter how horrific it is, is far more liberating than the gnawing, weighing feeling of trying to salvage a tattered relationship. I wish I'd learnt that one earlier!

[confused1989]

Hey empath, I'm in a similar position to you, we broke up about 2 months ago and I've been NC for a week and your post is really motivating. I too can see some improvements in myself, my ex basically told me she's moved on already so that makes me more motivated to move forward too and stop hanging on to hope. I also don't see her as a goddess anymore.

 

I did the whole LC after we broke up and it was the most emotional turmoil I've ever gone through in my life. Atleast with NC you don't have all the mixed messages.

 

Keep posting man, you're helping me and others too I'm sure.

[Empath]

Thats great confused, it's like a landslide isn't it? The more positive changes you notice, the more motivated and successful you become!

 

Once I noticed that a certain memory hurt slightly less than it used to, I rationalized that eventually I could extend that to the entire relationship.

 

I think to me the key is merely thinking and acting positively whether or not I truly feel it at the time. Its a delayed self-fulfilling prophecy! Imagine where you want to be, think you're there, and you'll get there eventually.

[Layzie89]

Another thing I picked up about a month ago that has made me feel better is praying when Im laying in bed trying to fall asleep. Im not particularly religious, but I do believe there is a gos. It brings me peace at night to thank him for getting me through another day each night. Jst something maybe youd like to try. =]

[Fufu]

You are doing great Empath