She is upset and doesn't want to talk

[FarFetched]

I have known this particular woman for a little over a year now, and within the last couple months, we started casually seeing each other, complete with intimacy. I have noticed that she is hesitant to admit to anything going on around our mutual friends, but when we are one-on-one, she's extremely interested. Given how early on this is, I haven't really felt the desire to have any form of conversation about what we are doing nor have I felt the need to spend more than 1-2 days with her per week, partially due to other obligations. This casual interaction between us has seemed to go well, until I returned from traveling abroad this weekend.

 

She and I were part of a group international trip with a bunch of our mutual friends. On a few occasions, she and I were intimate and other people on the trip found out about it. In fact, apparently people started talking about it to others who were not on the trip. This made her extremely upset and she sent me a couple late-night text messages that I considered to be disrespectful and condescending, telling me to deal with it. Now, I'm perfectly comfortable handling the situation and did indeed take care of it, but I wasn't fond of the way I was being talked to.

 

So, I called her later the next day and chatted with her about her weekend, etc. and asked if she would like to get together that night to hang out and chat. She said she couldn't, due to having to wake up early the next day. So, I started to say goodbye when she asked me if I had received the text messages. I had preferred to discuss it in person, but since she was pushing, made a joke about her having a heated tone when she messaged me and asked her if she would like to talk about it. She declined, so we hung up. A bit later, I asked if she would like to go for a walk to discuss, as I wanted to make sure she had the chance to vent her frustration with the issue. But, again declined. That was two days ago and I haven't spoken with her since.

 

There are a number of explanations on why she could be upset that other people heard about us being intimate, so I won't get into those. But, I want to ensure my decision to simply pull back and let her accept my invitation to talk about this if/when she is ready is the wisest move. I want to make sure she's dealing with everything okay, but the fact is we've only been seeing eachother a couple months now, and the last thing I am is pushy in this scenario. Part of me takes into account that she is telling others that nothing is really going on, even though people notice she's very flirty toward me and we obviously have mutual attraction when we're alone together. This inconsistency is a huge red flag for me and I am strongly considering respectfully and genuinely letting her know that I really like her as a person, but that I'm not feeling the mutual chemistry I would expect at this point.

 

Your thoughts, as always, are greatly appreciated.

Edited March 29, 2011 by FarFetched

[utterer of lies]

You are good enough to be a ****buddy, but not a boyfriend, and she doesn't want anyone (real boyfriend-candidates) to think that you are.

 

Forget her.

[FarFetched]

That was one of my initial theories as well. About a month ago she got a bit tipsy and started getting somewhat honest (not to mention more forward than usual around our friends) and said she couldn't tell whether I liked her or not and complained that I don't call/text her often enough.

Edited March 29, 2011 by FarFetched

[FarFetched]

I don't really want a relationship right now, to be honest, and if I did, I'm starting to lean toward the liklihood that this one wouldn't really be a good match. I was enjoying getting to know her better and evaluating whether it might be a possibility down the road, but still early.

[FarFetched]

Appreciate the insight, Jester. Maybe I move at a slower pace, but what is a reasonable timeframe where most women want to start thinking about a full-fledged relationship? Isn't two months a bit early for a discussion like that?