purplepanda Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 [[Kind of long, sorry...]] I started dating this guy at the end of October. At first I was always excited to see him and hang out with him and kiss him... and we lost our virginities to each other. We live 40 miles apart but it's not really a problem, we saw each other every weekend, sometimes TWICE in one weekend. I know he'd do anything for me, and I mean so much to him and he sees himself with me in a couple years. I have already made up my mind that I won't just stick to someone I was in a relationship with in high school. That's not really the point, though. At the end of December... I made a huge mistake and ruined everything. I cheated on him with a friend of mine. He knew about it, he immediately forgave me and the first words out of his mouth were "We'll get through this." It broke my heart to hurt him like that. But I couldn't stop seeing this guy and so I broke up with him in January, so I could see where things with the other guy would go. They didn't go anywhere. It is almost April; that guy broke my heart, and I'm 17, I don't have a car OR cell phone because I wanted to be with him so badly. I haven't talked to him in a couple of weeks. I haven't seen the guy I hurt since valentine's day, but we talk whenever I can get a hold of him; I just got ungrounded. I've been busy these last few days, so I haven't called him yet, I will tonight. We got back together last week, and I know he's been waiting for us to be together again, and he loves me and misses me... I just feel awful for doing what I did, and I realized that I didn't love him as much as I thought I did at first, when that other guy came into the picture. At the same time, I think about him with someone else and it drives me crazy!!! I do miss him, but I just don't feel the way I felt about the guy who hurt me. I think maybe the best thing for us is to move on and see other people, at least till we see if we (I) want the same thing. I just don't want to hurt him after getting back together last week, by saying that, then realizing I didn't want that and come back to him. I'm still SO confused about what to do. I believe he can do so much better than me; I ruined our relationship and I feel like I'm going to cry just thinking about this. But I just don't want to let him go, even though I sort of yearn to be single and, er, mingle. My friend set me up with a prom date and we've been talking. I told him I wasn't single, but he's just so cute and funny, and my bf is sort of awkward and shy. I guess it really is true: what you want, you can't have, and what you have, you don't want. I want him, and then I don't. I want him because he cares and I know I can rely on him NO MATTER WHAT, and he'd never hurt me, I've never been able to say that before. But I also am reminded of that guy who broke my heart, and I broke my bf's heart in turn... I just want this mess to go away.
utterer of lies Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Out with the old, in with the new. You should forget both of them, and find someone else.
Kelemort Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 You're 17 years old and you clearly had no idea if you even wanted to get back with this guy when you started dating. You don't know what you want, so you're right: you need to break it off now. And don't start dating again for a while. You cheated and you mention that you don't feel good enough for him. Do you feel insecure? Do you have low self-esteem? I'd imagine those are the underlying factors here that have caused this behavior. Until you get those under control, you're likely to end up in the same pattern of on-off hot-and-cold relationships throughout the rest of your adolescence. Let this guy move on and don't let selfish, childish thoughts of "Oh, but he'll find somebody else if I let him go" dominate you. You know that you are inflicting damage and hurting someone who doesn't deserve it, yet you persist anyway. Let him go. Let him be happy. There's no saying if later on down the road when you fix yourself first, you might be able to resume a mature and stable relationship. As it is, you're 17. You're still very young and hopefully using at least two forms of protection when you have sex, as Planned Parenthood recommends. On that note, if you have any questions about Planned Parenthood, let me know - I've gone a few times. Given the fact that you're still in high school, a pregnancy at your age (or an STD) would be horrible. Protect your health and protect your heart. I think that the big thing here is to let this guy go when you can't make up your mind. Don't worry about hurting him right now - it will be less painful now than it will be in the long-term. Sometimes accepting and choosing to love someone also means sometimes having to do things for their better good that may seem painful.
Author purplepanda Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 Out with the old, in with the new. You should forget both of them, and find someone else. I'm definitely done with the guy who hurt me, I know that I meant nothing to him and I'm no longer trying to be everything he wanted. :/
Author purplepanda Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 You're 17 years old and you clearly had no idea if you even wanted to get back with this guy when you started dating. You don't know what you want, so you're right: you need to break it off now. And don't start dating again for a while. You cheated and you mention that you don't feel good enough for him. Do you feel insecure? Do you have low self-esteem? I'd imagine those are the underlying factors here that have caused this behavior. Until you get those under control, you're likely to end up in the same pattern of on-off hot-and-cold relationships throughout the rest of your adolescence. Let this guy move on and don't let selfish, childish thoughts of "Oh, but he'll find somebody else if I let him go" dominate you. You know that you are inflicting damage and hurting someone who doesn't deserve it, yet you persist anyway. Let him go. Let him be happy. There's no saying if later on down the road when you fix yourself first, you might be able to resume a mature and stable relationship. As it is, you're 17. You're still very young and hopefully using at least two forms of protection when you have sex, as Planned Parenthood recommends. On that note, if you have any questions about Planned Parenthood, let me know - I've gone a few times. Given the fact that you're still in high school, a pregnancy at your age (or an STD) would be horrible. Protect your health and protect your heart. I think that the big thing here is to let this guy go when you can't make up your mind. Don't worry about hurting him right now - it will be less painful now than it will be in the long-term. Sometimes accepting and choosing to love someone also means sometimes having to do things for their better good that may seem painful. I'm insecure when someone, say, that jerk treats me like crap and I know i"m worth more than that. :/ I don't really have low self esteem, I'm pretty easygoing and I ALWAYS speak my mind. Yes I'm safe and as for the protecting my heart thing, NO MORE fwbs, and I'll try to wait as long as possible if I start dating again soon. I'm getting close to a friend of mine who I met recently, he's going to prom with me, but I'm trying my hardest to not like him.
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