No contact wish he'd miss me

[live4moment]

Realy glad to be posting. As I am writing can feel my stomach tightening up. I've been trying to hold head up hang with friends and doing the no contact. The story is met a guy fell in love. Everything was pretty good until I had our baby boy. I was working night shifts while pregnant and looking back he was probable the same way I started to see after having a baby.He is now 3 years old. He started sleeping all day on his days off. Stayed out all night about 5 times in a year, while not calling. Kicked me out of the house and so on. Started to show his anger issues to me and others. He was also taking pain meds and doing drugs. But he would never admit it to me. But my gut told me something was wrong.Well we started argueing alot. One day he left. He decided he wanted to come back around a week later. I was hurt and remembered all the bad stuff. We did hang out some. I really loved him when he wasn't on the pain meds. Then he needed back surgery and more pain meds. He still wanted us to work it out but I wasn't there there mentally I was still hurt. Well last summer he came to me and said everything I was feeling was right. That he was going in an intense rehab. He wasn't at the forgiveness step yet but he had put me through the most and wanted to tell me he was sorry. Words cannot explain how happy I was. He would recover and we could get back together. He remained wanting to get back together. At this point I think I blamed everything on the drugs. I kept moving forward looking to the future. Saving money to buy a house, then maybe we could work on our relationship. I didn't feel like I really could living back with my parents. Which was odd in itself I hadn't lived with them for 15 years. I started feeling like I was ready to give it a try around Christmas but didn't express anything. Still freaking livin for the future and not for the moment. Well the feelings continued and I started to show more emotions. Talking more had him over for Valentines breakfast, and them my Bday around a month ago. I noticed he was differernt. He seemed withdrawn. It hurt my feelings. So I asked him about it on the phone he said he was sorry. Then when I called from work to talk to my little boy he was not as chatty. I knew something was different. I asked, he was "in a relationship for a couple of weeks" I reacted and told him that I didnt want him to be I wanted us. I thought he would get his stuff together then we could be a family again. He left for work. I called asked him to talk. Two days later we started talking he said what was there to talk about- our son the other girl. I said I want to talk about us. I know this is getting boring but when I feel like all this is still so important I guess I hold on to it. It started with he didn't know if he could love me the same. I said I still love him It ended with he had to think about all this. Well that was a month ago. I got text we talk about dropping and picking up our son at school. He adds have a nice weekend. I cringe I read it like yeah hes having a great time with his new life. I wake up and cry the next morning. I haven't seen him or talked. I only discuss son on text. It sucks I wish he would miss me. So any thoughts/help

[lapse]

We all want them to miss us. I'm sorry you're going through this. It is horrible and the pain is apparent in your post. It is PAINFUL without a 3rd party and, with one, well, I can't imagine.

 

Nonetheless, the only thing you can do is get through it. You will get through it and eventually you will fall in love again. And eventually you will have a guy who treats you with the respect you deserve. Any guy who does not love you is not worthy of your efforts. His choices are his and have nothing to do with you. What he does says something about him. Not about you.

 

Now, it sounds like you're doing a little boot-licking. Do not let your chin drop below your shoulders. No matter how you feel, those feelings are yours, not his. And, though I don't know you, I do care about your pain and I don't want you going around acting pathetic. Because you are NOT. And you will get through this. As for what to do: anything that does not involve him. Anything you think you might be able to enjoy. As long as it does not involve him. I hesitate to address him at all because I just don't want to validate his existence. I think you need to spend as little time thinking about him as you can and, when you catch yourself thinking of him, turn back to yourself. His little relationship will run its course. And by then you will be well on your way to greener pastures. A guy who will leave his child and you is not worthy of your love. OK? I know none of that makes any difference right now - his worth, or lack thereof - but hold out a little while AND IT WILL!

[live4moment]

Thanks like the bootlicking comment. Pretty funny, but don't really want to be doing that. His choice baffles me. He said bad timing. Really man. It is his choice. And it does hurt. In his corner, he has said he wanted to get back together for a long time. But I wasn't there, I needed to know he was committed to stop all the pain meds. And I started to see he was trying to do better when he told me he was going to rehab. How come when I'm ready, and thought he was ready hes with another. I keep telling myself he hasn't changed. It gets me through the day. But I don't know if it is true.

[TryingtoUnderstand32]

Thanks like the bootlicking comment. Pretty funny, but don't really want to be doing that. His choice baffles me. He said bad timing. Really man. It is his choice. And it does hurt. In his corner, he has said he wanted to get back together for a long time. But I wasn't there, I needed to know he was committed to stop all the pain meds. And I started to see he was trying to do better when he told me he was going to rehab. How come when I'm ready, and thought he was ready hes with another. I keep telling myself he hasn't changed. It gets me through the day. But I don't know if it is true.

 

I'm also suffering a break up so I know how hard it is. Please know you are not alone.